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chisel1979 · Nov 21, 2008, 06:56 PM

About 10 months ago my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me. I was 18 and she was 16. It all seemed to come apart when I got back from Schoolies week which is a end of school/graduation week away with all school leavers from that year. Now when we started dating I had already organized and paid to go to schoolies several months before we started dating and was off course single at the time. During our relationship and as time got closer to schoolies we had discussed the whole situation and she was fine with me going and it wasn't an issue. We were still both virgins and after 6 months of dating there was no way I was going to cheat on her after waiting that long, I loved her very much. Anyway the time came and I even delayed the trip one day so I could see her 1st dance concert. So I off I went and she saw me off early in the morning at the train station like some corny movie and everything was fine. I called her after a few days and things were great, there didn't seem to be any issues and we ended the call on a good note. The week went on an I continued to go to night clubs and dance and have a good time with my friends but I wasn't a drinker so I always knew what I was doing and stayed in control and never cheated on my girlfriend nor did I want to. I called her again later on in the week and we had an argument about something I can't really remember but it wasn't anything major. The call ended on a bad note and off course is was bothering me. I couldn't take it anymore so I flew back home one day early and went straight from the airport to her house. It was about 9pm and she was sleeping in her parents bed like she was sick or something. She woke up and it didn't feel like she hadn't seen me for a week, somewhat cold and more distant than usual but still seemed OK. I ended up sleeping over and we spoke in the morning. She asked me "if i had met anyone" and I said no. She then said "its ok if you did", "your an incredibly good looking guy and your young". I found this quite odd coming from my girlfriend and then just moved on. From then on things just weren't the same between us like before I left. Its like in that week away she had fallen out of love with me. A few weeks went by and it was Christmas, that all seemed to go by OK but still things never got back to what they were. She went away with her family about a week later and I was going to meet up with them in the second week of the vacation. I get to the holiday and find out that sharing the house upstairs was a young guy about my age who she had been spending a lot of time with in the first week including new years eve. From the moment I got there it was like I was invisible and he was her main focus. This destroyed me and off course it caused problems between us for the whole week. He left halfway through the week and things didn't really change between us. I then found a letter in her bag from him saying that he really liked her and that he enjoyed there time together and left his number and details. I confronted her about it and she denied that anything had happened between them and asked her how she could flirt with a guy like that while I was back at home doing nothing? She then said "you did back at schoolies" and I said but I didn't do anything. She then said "that's not what i heard" Things were really bad between us for the rest of the week. We got back home and she said she needed a break and time to think. I was devastated. A few weeks went by and she decided to give us another chance. In that time I found out she went on a double date with the guy from the holiday.. Time went on and I hardly saw her (her decision) then a few weeks later she called me (on the phone) and broke it off. The worst feeling of my life. I asked her why and she said that I wasn't happy and that I lied? For about a month I tried to get her back to no avail. After many calls, letters, balloons, etc.. She said "you really want to know why" "i don't love you anymore". This left me totally confused as to where it all started going wrong. So I went back to where I noticed she had changed and that's when I got back from schoolies week. Something must of happened while I was away at schoolies, but I can't work it out. She also told me that while I was at schoolies week she had her ex over watching movies in her bedroom.. Did somebody lie to her about something I did at schoolies? Did she think that I cheated and that's why she called her ex to come over? Was it wrong for me to go to schoolies even though I was on my best behavior? Was she still in love with her ex? Please help!

TrueFaith · Nov 21, 2008, 09:43 PM

Originally Posted by chisel1979

"if i had met anyone" and i said no.
"its ok if you did", "your an incredibly good looking guy and your young". I found this quite odd coming from my girlfriend

Yeahh.. that's says it all my friend.. all the rest is B.S
The second she said that.. you should have said

What do you mean!
What typ of a respons is that?
And put her on the spot

Because she already met someone.. and she was hoping to feel less guilty if you meet someone else. And kind of told you. It was OK to go out with someone else..

Yeah major red flag there.

Now she is trying to blame all this on you saying oh you cheated on me. Blah blah blah.

Crap! OK crap.

I know you are hurting now man. But she has treated you with very little respect and you should not owe her.. one more day of pain!

Move on with your life.. it will be hard. Go to No contact and delet her from your life
This will kill you. For the first month or two.
But trust me. You will be stronger and better for it.

Just remember this had nothing to do with you here issues . OK No Guilt no pain. Just happy times and move on!

talaniman · Nov 22, 2008, 07:12 AM

What a lousy set of events, and unfortunate. As you see it doesn't take a lot to change someone's mind about you, especially you both being young, insecure and jealous.

For whatever reason she has had enough, and you better leave her alone. You can't change her feelings, but you can leave her alone, and regroup, and enjoy your own youth.

Doesn't matter what you did, what she thinks you did is the issue, and even though she said she was fine with you going to party, she was not. Chalk it up, and move on.

chisel1979 · Nov 28, 2008, 05:15 AM

Thanks for your replies but I still feel very confused. Even though I went away without my girlfriend at the time and I did absolutely nothing wrong while I was gone I can't help feeling guilty about going away. Its like if I had not of gone than its likely that none of this would have happened. But what is wrong with going on holidays alone with your mates? Why can't I do that without my partner feeling like I'm taking advantage of her or me feeling guilty for no reason like I do now?? Help!!

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 05:39 AM

If you had not gone, she would have found another reason, so don't fret over it. I know it's a shock to you but accept it for now.

Yeah, teen age girls don't need much of a reason to change their mind. That's just the stage in life they are at.

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 10:26 AM

People don't break up with someone they love over simple, stupid reasons. Her excuse to break up was just that... an excuse. True love might lead to someone getting upset or angry about something but to ultimately leave someone's life... stop contact and move on... that isn't easy. If she's gone... then it had to do with a lot of other issues she isn't prepared to tell you about. I know its hard but don't waste a lot of energy figuring her out... she is most likely very confused and will just run to the next place to feel love. It happens when we're young.