I had to let go. Was it right?

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 27, 2008, 11:02 PM

If you red my previous post. This is a bit of a update.

See this break I had has taught me a lot. The number one thing it has taught me was to keep it real. And be confident. And never hide what you actually feel. Which is why tonight. I told my ex how I feel. I told her that I want this to work. I told her I loved her and that I miss her. I said pretty much everything, from my actions as to how insecure and how much of a wreck I was. How I lied even if it wasn't so major, that it was wrong and that I felt bad. I told her that as for the person she fell in love with. It was never gone. There is no going back to the way it was before. Because that's the past. And this is the present. That I am a person who has fallen in love and wants this to work. I explained and after I told her take all the time you need to think about this. Because I have let out so much so I don't expect you to have an answer overnight. But when your ready to talk ill be here. And I left it at that. Told her to enjoy her day tomorrow. And she said all right.

I had to. I couldn't hold it. I thought that I could be friends but I really am in love with this girl. I will not call nor text for that being said the rest I guess is up to her. Did I do the right thing? Please give me sum sort of feedback.

moomeacow · Nov 28, 2008, 12:10 AM

If you said all you had to say then you should leave it at that and try to move on, don't expect that call cause it might come it might not. I'm going thrugh the same thing I want her back badly I told her every mistake I had made and I was willing to change things. She said she wanted to stay friends but honestly I would just be giving myself false hope like that. I told her almost the same things you told yours. I want her back badly but I'm not expecting her to come back, maybe one day, but who knows I might have moved on by then or might go back. I know I love her more than anything, and would do anything for her.

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 12:19 AM

Whether we do or don't. The point is. I tried. You don't know unless you try right? I really do want this to work. But for the moment ima take this time to do me and relax. And get my mind off it. Thanks for the advice please comment more guys I could use a lot of advice now lol

moomeacow · Nov 28, 2008, 01:12 AM

I'm in a worse situation I had bought tickets to go to another country with her before this happened, she's going for sure cause her mom lives there, and I have family there too. A part of my wants to go and risk everything and try and get her back but I might just give myself false hope, and get shot down again. She shot me down once already when I begged her to take me back. Well I think if you tried everything you can and let her know then, in the end you know you did all that you can do to make it work out. I know I did everything and want to even try even more by going with her but I don't think I'm going to go, I do feel like risking it all again, but I'll probably end up hurting myself. Maybe one day if it was meant to be then she'll just come back I guess.

moomeacow · Nov 28, 2008, 01:14 AM

Lol if you want to chat with someone who's going through the same thing my msn is [email protected] or nivekdrol on aim

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 07:07 AM

The thing to do is have one post that you can add to, and stop a lot of confusion, with readers.

As hard and as breaking up is, its also an opportunity to regroup, and be better.

The healing process takes time, and its much easier focusing on you, and the things you enjoy, and the people you like being around.

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 10:11 AM

Its frustrating and annoying. When you know you did something wrong and you just want to tell them that they understand, and that they just want a second chance. Not to screw up again and go back down that same downward spiral, but to make it better.

A while ago she said OK its like this there's an 80% chance she thinks its not going to work. And a 20% chance it will... and at first I was like well I guess I got some work to do. But last night I told her str8 up that number doesn't mean jack. Its not all about what if. Its about is it worth it? I made up my mind and I said what I said. Now she got to ask herself is it worth it? That's the thing about all relationships when people break up. If they come back that's the first question you ask. Is it worth it? Has he or she learned from it? That you can give this another go? Or is he still going to be the same. Time will tell. But if I kept what I was feeling it would have probably drove me more into thinking and wondering and I would never know. So now that I leave all of this to her for her to think her own way. What I really want. Is to relax. Be at peace. And if we do. Hey I guess keeping it real is the best thing. If not. I tried. I gave it my best. And I'm happy that at least I took a chance instead of not knowing at all.

This is what I think.

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 10:20 AM

I think laying it all out there is good... if you only do it to have a final talk and move on. I suspect you might have said that expecting it to change her mind. It that's the case... you might have reversed a lot of the healing you'd already gone through. I think its sometimes better if you have a list of things you have to say... to put it in a letter or email and send it off. It gives you the time to re-read it and try to limit emotion in your words. It also limits exposure to emotional words from the other party.

Good luck to you. I hope your healing continues. Don't sit and wait for the reply. This might have convinced her that you are everything she thought and she might choose to stay away so you don't hurt or get angry anymore.

Meaningful relationships bring meaning to life. Remember that!

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 10:34 AM

I love her. And I messed up because of my insecurities, and my paranoid behavior thinking she might have found someone else or she doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me. I know I shouldn't wait for this reply. I told her take all the time u need to think about this because I have let out a lot towards u and I want to give u space. I love her for her for who she is as a person.

I need a beer lol =p

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 11:40 AM

Feel free to comment more.

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 03:04 PM

Well it still sounds like you said all you said cause you thought it would make a difference. I would say it probably won't. A lot that you told her she probably already knew... or at this point didn't care to hear. No contact my friend. Start to remove yourself from the pain that can come from contacting her. There is nothing wrong with you... both parties in a relationship make mistakes... its easy to sit back and say... I did this and I did this wrong... but what you're really doing is trying to convince her to return to ease your pain. It doesn't work that way.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever... some are a learning stone on your way to who you really should meet. I'm glad you got all that off your chest. Now move on. Start your life and the healing having no contact with her. Don't hate me for saying this.. but for your sake.. I hope she doesn't call unless she truly has changed her mind. Don't entertain anymore unhappiness in your life at her hands.

Good luck!

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 03:12 PM

I just want to be happy. Thinking about this. Is annoying. And it hurts. But I will try my best and not contact her in any way. I have said and done enough.

Thanks. Nebodi can give me other advice as to how to move from this? Like how to stop thinking so much?

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 28, 2008, 03:21 PM

I want to be friends. But I know that that's not going to be the case now. I ono so much to think about this but its leaving me in a world of hurt and confusion.

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 04:31 PM

Read the "stickies" at the beginning of this forum, and visit "The No Contact Calender" , you'll get some good suggestions, as to how to move on from those that have been there, and done that.

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by BobbyVandeyar

i want to be friends. but i know that thats not gonna be the case now. i ono so much to think about this but its jus leaving me in a world of hurt and confusion.

Yep.. hurt and confusion... sounds familiar... just realize that if you do No Contact... then the only pain you're feeling is from within you... she can't hurt you anymore... and so all you have to come to grips with is dealing with your own pain... and that will get better with time. There is no miracle solution for a broken heart... if there was... I'd BE RICH!!

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 29, 2008, 09:39 PM

its been two days. Its like I'm calm n happy. And then the next min she's on my mind. Its like I ono. The wondering comes back, does she miss me or think about me? Hell does she even love me = / I'm probably a wreck now. But I know in time, ill be better. I guess all of this ties down to the fact that I miss her.

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 30, 2008, 01:08 AM

Man I just want a answer. Honestly I rather her tell me no. then to have just leave it all on her. And not even contact me at all. 2 days of NC n I'm wondering still. Help.

BobbyVandeyar · Nov 30, 2008, 01:09 AM

no or yes just an answer. Something. = [

kctiger · Nov 30, 2008, 06:36 AM

You are looking for "closure" when it is already there. Just accept it is over and move on. Your seeking an 'answer' is going to drive you nuts. Start getting yourself together by tackling step one: accept and truly believe it is over!

talaniman · Nov 30, 2008, 06:45 AM

Actually its not all on her, its all on YOU.