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Valentine2_08 · Nov 21, 2008, 11:12 AM

My son (26) had a baby with a young lady also (26) several months ago. My grandson is now 9 mo's old and his family in the north suburbs has not had any time with him. My son has gone to court, has agreed to child support & payments begin, next month.

He and the young lady agreed my grandson would visit with me and the rest of his family during the Thanksgiving week and he would spend Christmas with her. I also had this same conversation with her, in addition, my son and she would rotate weekend visits. As we baby boomers would coin the term, my grandson is a "love child" or "one night stand".

Now the young lady is asking my son to have sex with her in return to have my grandson for the Thanksgiving week. My son is in a committed relationship at this point in time and considering marriage and refused to have sex with her. She now saying we can't have the baby for the Thanksgiving week. This is not the first time this has happened, I see it as a repeating pattern.

My son is graduating from college next month and the child is near where he lives right now which is 400 miles away from us in Northern IL . The child and his mom are in Jackson county and I am in Lake County.

What are my Grandmother's Rights here in IL? I envision if this not addressed, I will not see my grandson, ever, if I don't intervene here in some kind of way?

Valentine2_08 · Nov 21, 2008, 11:16 AM

I also need to state that I shared with the young lady, that I am not interested in her and my son's personal affairs. I am only interested in seeing my grandson and him knowing his family and heritage.

JudyKayTee · Nov 21, 2008, 11:17 AM

Is there a written agreement or Court Order? What does it say about the visitation schedule?

If there is no order/filed agreement your son needs to go back to Court and get one or you will go through this every time she changes her mind.

JudyKayTee · Nov 21, 2008, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by Valentine2_08

I also need to state that I shared with the young lady, that I am not interested in her and my son's personal affairs. I am only interested in seeing my grandson and him knowing his family and heritage.

This should be moved, combined with other posts - not a new thread.

Valentine2_08 · Nov 21, 2008, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Is there a written agreement or Court Order? What does it say about the visitation schedule?

If there is no order/filed agreement your son needs to go back to Court and get one or you will go through this every time she changes her mind.

Thank you for your response...

I also noticed there is a law in IL effective Jan, 2007 that states grandparents can request visitation at age 1. In the interim, I guess I lose this holiday season until my son goes back to court hopefully next month or asap to get something in writing from the courts.

cadillac59 · Nov 22, 2008, 10:42 AM

Now the young lady is asking my son to have sex with her in return to have my grandson for the Thanksgiving week. My son is in a committed relationship at this point in time and considering marriage and refused to have sex with her. She now saying we can't have the baby for the Thanksgiving week.

Not trying to make fun of your situation but I really had to laugh when I read this. You mean your son is not willing to pimp himself out (excuse the expression) to see his kid?

I've heard of "pay the child support to see the kid" but never "have sex- i.e., perform for me-to see the kid." Wow.

On a more serious note, being in California I can't comment on Illinois grandparents rights other than to say consider the limitations impose by the US Supreme Court court case of Troxel (2000), which has been referenced and discussed many times on this board.

cadillac59 · Nov 22, 2008, 12:09 PM

I'm sorry but I can't get over the sex-in exchange-for-seeing-your kid comment, especially since you said the child's the product of a one-nighter.

You know, most guys would be pretty flattered by the mom's demand. I think your son should write her a little note back and say, "no thanks, but gee, was I really THAT good?" ,all with a big grin on his face!

Valentine2_08 · Nov 22, 2008, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

I'm sorry but I can't go over the sex-in exchange-for-seeing-your kid comment, especially since you said the child's the product of a one-nighter.

You know, most guys would be pretty flattered by the mom's demand. I think your son should write her a little note back and say, "no thanks, but gee, was I really THAT good?" ,all with a big grin on his face!

You are too funny! My son is standing strong and firm on his reply to her. After about 4 hours of text messaging with her on our cell phone (I couldn't get her to talk to me live, this was soooo draining), this morning she finally talked to me and agreed to let me have my grandson for a week.

I'm meeting my son tonight to pick him up. YEAH!

cadillac59 · Nov 22, 2008, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Valentine2_08

You are too funny! My son is standing strong and firm on his reply to her. After about 4 hours of text messaging with her on our cell phone (I couldn't get her to talk to me live, this was soooo draining), this morning she finally talked to me and agreed to let me have my grandson for a week.

I'm meeting my son tonight to pick him up. YEAH!

Glad to hear of the happy ending, for now:)

JudyKayTee · Nov 22, 2008, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

I'm sorry but I can't get over the sex-in exchange-for-seeing-your kid comment, especially since you said the child's the product of a one-nighter.

You know, most guys would be pretty flattered by the mom's demand. I think your son should write her a little note back and say, "no thanks, but gee, was I really THAT good?" ,all with a big grin on his face!

Have you ever heard the sex for alimony discussions? Maybe it's a NY thing.

cadillac59 · Nov 22, 2008, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Have you ever heard the sex for alimony discussions? Maybe it's a NY thing.

No, you've got to tell me ! :)

Got to be an East Coast thing.

JudyKayTee · Nov 22, 2008, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

No, you've got to tell me ! :)

Gotta be an East Coast thing.

It happens - believe me, it happens. In NY you can legally record telephone conversations if one of the parties is aware of the recording and I actually have recorded and then transcribed some of these conversations.

Sex for spousal support.

cadillac59 · Nov 22, 2008, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It happens - believe me, it happens. In NY you can legally record telephone conversations if one of the parties is aware of the recording and I actually have recorded and then transcribed some of these conversations.

Sex for spousal support.

But it's got to be what, husband who's not paying saying if ex-wife will cooperate he'll pay up? Or, maybe it's like that mom on this thread who was asking the dad for sex in exchange for his mom seeing the kids (most guys would be saying, "gee I know I'm good but don't make me feel cheap!").

Fr_Chuck · Nov 22, 2008, 03:19 PM

Heck in Atlanta, it is called the "babies momma" and that sex is not considered cheating ( well at least in the hood)

But what you have is you son has to do his duties, and get his visitation in writing? I assume it is though the court, and if she refuses, take her back to court for contempt. And keep doing it, till it gets hard on her.

And when he gets the child you can visit.

** and he had no choice but to "agree" to child support, the court orders it and he has to pay if he wants to or not

I would ask why he did not just start paying support from day one, why is it going to start next month?
From the first month he was not living with her, he should have been sending a check.