I can't be gay, right?

Imsospecial · Nov 20, 2008, 09:35 AM

I’m 30 yrs old and I'm not sure if I might be gay. I have never been with a woman before, but I have always wanted to try it. I am moderately to very religious, so that really is what has keep me from finding out. Well that and I have always been in a heterosexual relationship. I do love the feeling of being with a man, but I can't get over the idea of having sex with a woman. I sometimes dream about it and it feels so real. When I was with my ex-boyfriend and we were having sex sometimes I would try and imagine that I was with a woman. I'm not sure what about sex with a woman I find to be so exciting, but I can't seem to get it off my mind. HELP

tequilarise · Nov 20, 2008, 10:15 AM

Expirement with a woman and see how you feel afterwards. If you feel nothing then you know where you stand.

Imsospecial · Nov 20, 2008, 12:02 PM

The problem is I have a problem with the act its self. I'm not sure if I could do it. It would almost have to happen to me and not be a decisson that I made. I have a lot of issues with the thought of being gay. Gay people have a hard life. They are looked at by society as perverts. You hear all the time that they are all going to burn in hell. Why would someone want to chose this for their life.
When I was 5 I was sexually abused by a female friend of the family. The abuse lasted a few years. I think that this might have something to do with my want to have sex with a woman. Even though I know it was wrong it did have that sick "feels good" thing about it. I guess that I have a bigger issue then am I gay.

ZoeMarie · Nov 20, 2008, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by Imsospecial

I have a lot of issues with the thought of being gay. Gay people have a hard life. They are looked at by society as perverts. You hear all the time that they are all going to burn in hell. Why would someone want to chose this for their life.

I really don't think it's a matter of choosing to be gay, but actually being gay.

smoothy · Nov 20, 2008, 12:52 PM

You might just be Bi-curious... but if you are attracted and really like being with men you aren't a gay woman.

Gay people are both emotionally and sexually attracted to people of their own sex, the same as your average heterosexual person is to the opposite sex.

Xrayman · Nov 20, 2008, 02:43 PM

You're abuse at the hands of a woman may be related to your curiosity, however there is also a problem you have with the religious (christian/muslim) concept that gay people have a hard life. Gay people or bisexuals do not CHOOSE to be that way-do hetrosexuals CHOOSE to be hetro??

You are possibly bisexual due to your liking of men as well as your curiosity for a sexual encounter with a woman.

Choux · Nov 20, 2008, 05:37 PM

You are 30 years old, and you have virtually no sexual experience and identity... that makes you an aging and disfunctional person as I see this problem.

Monotheistic religion has further disrupted your sexual growth and filled you with fear, probably unconscious because of these religion's negative and unrealistic view of human sexuality.

Get some professional help if available so you can sort out your feelings. :)

Imsospecial · Nov 20, 2008, 05:57 PM

Wow Im not sure what to say after that:mad::confused:
Im not sure how to feel. But I am a Christian and in the Bible it does say Adam and Eve. I want to repress these feelings. I want to say that I don't feel them but I do. I want to say that I have never looked at woman and "wanted" her, but that's not true. I do have these feelings. More now then ever because I don't have a man in my life right now. I was able to repress them when I was in a relationship, but now that Im single, they are coming more and more.

Choux · Nov 20, 2008, 06:03 PM

Honey, you're getting old.

You can't be who you *really are* because of the negative effect of religion on your mind.

I wish you the best, :)

Imsospecial · Nov 20, 2008, 06:23 PM

Im surprised to hear you say that Im getting old aren't you 65. Plus haven't you heard that 30 is the new 20?
I don't think that age has anything to do with it. I guess that this was the wrong place to ask this question. I wanted to know if there were other people who felt this way. Other people who struggling with this issue

Choux · Nov 20, 2008, 06:30 PM

I'm an expert on adult human sexuality, and I try to help people get a handle on the problems that they post here.

Best wishes to you going forward, :)

Synnen · Nov 21, 2008, 06:18 AM

You're not getting old.

You may have problems with religious repression, though.

I have to say that really, your best bet at this point is to talk to a counselor about your sexual identity.

stevetcg · Nov 21, 2008, 02:22 PM

I understand that many religions are biased against homosexuality. But just because a particular religion believes something doesn't make it set in stone. Ultimately your decisions should be between you and your god, not some person standing in front of your church telling you their interpretation of a book.

pineappledeluxe · Nov 22, 2008, 01:12 AM

You're not "gay" unless you choose to be. Homosexuality will never make you happy. Only a sin free life with Jesus will give you the joy you are in search of. Hang on to Jesus with everything you have and never let go. If you want to be sexually active find yourself a real man who loves you.

pineappledeluxe · Nov 22, 2008, 01:18 AM

Also, certain posters will tell you that "religion" is the problem. They refer to religion as if it is a fabrication of man. They think belivers like you and I are living in a fairy tale. They act like we are "repressed" while they are enslaved to their sin. The truth is that God is alive in heaven and he loves you more than you could ever know. Follow your heart, listen to your conscience and not society.

Reject homosexuality, live a life free from sin, and be happy with or without a guy in your life, as you were designed to do.

stevetcg · Nov 22, 2008, 05:04 AM

Originally Posted by pineappledeluxe

Also, certain posters will tell you that "religion" is the problem. They refer to religion as if it is a fabrication of man. They think belivers like you and I are living in a fairy tale. They act like we are "repressed" while they are enslaved to their sin. The truth is that God is alive in heaven and he loves you more than you could ever know. Follow your heart, listen to your conscience and not society.

Reject homosexuality, live a life free from sin, and be happy with or without a guy in your life, as you were designed to do.

Wow - closed minded people like yourself are exactly what the problem with organized religion is. I hope your "god" forgives you.

Religion IS a fabrication of man. If it weren't, there would only be one.

smoothy · Nov 22, 2008, 11:25 AM

Gee... you know tolerance goes BOTH ways... And Religious people do have rights to their religious beliefs, and to practice them, if you like it or not doesn't matter. Its not ONLY the pro-gay or the Atheist people that do even if they might think THINK they do..

Banana_joe · Nov 24, 2008, 04:04 AM

Hey, I don't think age matters at all. I do think that these feeling your having do. I am 18 and I have never been so confused about sexuality in my life! I am having the same problem. Maybe you sud try hookin up with a girl and see if you no then? I never really new until me and a girl ended up kissing a lot, I really wanted to say I didn't feel anything but I did. I hope that of you do get am expericene with a girl it helps with yr problem. :)

Synnen · Nov 24, 2008, 07:59 AM

If you people want to have a religious debate about homosexuality, take it to the RELIGIOUS boards.

This board is NOT for religious discussion.

I will HAPPILY move all of your posts to religious discussions if that continues here.

Imsospecial · Nov 24, 2008, 08:08 AM

My question is not about religion, but does it does play a role in it. I just wanted to know if there were others that were as confused about it as I am. I want to hear what people have to say ffrom both sides of the debate.