Is this okay?

happy2003 · Nov 20, 2008, 02:05 PM

One of my close girlfriends has come up with a system of dating she calls "the Burner System"

Basically the premise is that you date 4 guys at a time. (like a stove, hence the name of the system) Her thinking is that while dating numerous people 1.) you leave yourself available to meeting new people 2.) you really get to know someone before being serious 3.) it takes the pressure out of dating when it is casual

All of the people she sees know that it's casual and she's seeing other people. She is very upfront and honest with these men about her intentions and is okay with them seeing other people too. Never while implementing this system has she slept with any of them, keeping physical intimacy for serious monogamist relationships... and when she finds someone and they decide to have a relationship, she cuts ties with the others...

Some of our friends think this is cruel and weird... others think it's a good idea... frankly I don't know what to think... thoughts?

ZoeMarie · Nov 20, 2008, 02:09 PM

I think that it might deter people from dating her. If you think about it, if you were interested in a relationship with someone and you find out that that person is seeing other people, are you going to give that person the time of day? I think it's a good idea for someone who isn't looking for a serious relationship (if, and only if everyone knows about it) but if it was me and I was looking for someone to settle down with, I wouldn't do it. That's just my opinion.

jmw0713 · Nov 20, 2008, 02:10 PM

Whatever the name she gives it... it just sounds to me like she is plain old dating. Dating is never meant to be with only one person at first... it's about meeting people and seeing if there is a connection. If there is, great go to the next step. If there is not connection.. see you!

The only thing that would be mean is if she is stringing along these guys and making them feel like she is in to them... then I don't know.

If she tried dating me and told me this... I would not put much effort and interest in her at all.

ZoeMarie · Nov 20, 2008, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

If she tried dating me and told me this....I would not put much effort and interest in her at all.

Exactly my thoughts

spitvenom · Nov 20, 2008, 02:26 PM

If I was on one of her burners and found out it would only be a 3 burner system after that. But that is just me.

kctiger · Nov 20, 2008, 02:27 PM

She must be finding some really relaxed guys if she tells them and they are fine with it. I don't play second fiddle to anyone... guess to each his or her own huh?

talaniman · Nov 20, 2008, 02:43 PM

Oh boy, I think this is an excellent idea. Sorry guys. The whole dating thing is about having fun, and why be locked in to a stranger to do it.

When things progress, you make adjustments, as does it really make sense to be exclusive, after one or two dates?

That's where a lot of trouble starts when two strangers try to do something they may not be ready for or don't know enough about their partners.

The stress alone is greater than the good time you have.

I think your friend has a great idea for keeping it casual, and manageable, and avoiding the pitfalls that people make, rushing into things, and can't deal with the complications later.

As long as there is no sex involved, this is an excellent way to have a healthy social life.

friend4u178 · Nov 20, 2008, 05:02 PM

Great idea in my opnion , she is upfront and not playing anyone.

It's dating which is about having fun and a path to possible relationship/s

jjwoodhull · Nov 20, 2008, 05:30 PM

I think it's great - dating is supposed to be about getting to know someone. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person as long as everyone is aware of the situation and they are not physically intimate relationships.