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High Max · Nov 10, 2008, 05:45 AM

Posted Aug 28, 2008, 01:06 AM.

I must admit, I admire the guys persisstence in trying to get what he wants in his life, but it shouldn't take this long and be this hard to make a relationship work.

Mom of 2 · Nov 10, 2008, 09:30 AM

I only mentioned in my post to ask her so that he could sh*t or get off the pot. However, I still say that it is not the right thing to do because he really has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to ask her about any of her actions. However, AGAIN, he took the ONE thing from my post that he wanted to hear. It was more of a "FINE, THEN DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS" statement more than advice, as he asked if it would be okay to ask her. Yes, he can ask her anything, but it still does not make it "right". If there is no committed relationship, then you shouldn't ask. Most likely she will get mad over it and you will probably lose her - this is also what I said in that post as well, but apparently he is not heeding that advice.

By the way, Tab, you don't know what is going on in that head of hers. I think that she is just keeping you around for safe keeping, for just in case. It is something that she has become used to. Apparently she has a lot of stress/change happening in her life and at least her situation with you remains consistent!!

Also, just because she may not want you for sex may also mean that she does not want anyone else to have sex with you - that is simple human behavior. That may be why she is acting jealous.

Follow the advice about not having ANY contact with her for at least one week. We all know that you won't be able to do it for 6 months, so take baby steps and do it week by week. THEN see the results. We don't have a crystal ball and we can't issue guarantees, but the only thing that will result is that SOMETHING will change - which is more than what we have seen happening EVER on this thread.

tabbarat · Nov 10, 2008, 01:17 PM

Hahahhahahahaha...

Just came back from a good night of gym, dinner, drinks, and making out; all with her..

Don't let my good mood fool you... all of you will be getting my responses later... mwahahah

Just let me take a shower, watch a bit of TV first

Regards

tabbarat · Nov 10, 2008, 04:13 PM

A lot of idiots here are starting to get sick of this thread, so simply stop reading.. duhhh

I have said several times that this will turn more into a journal entry than an advice column

So if you don't like reading my "diary", then piss off.. no one forcing u

For those MANY that still give advice and have been there since the beginning, I will always appreciate your input

I also keep writing because you guys ssay smthg, I disagree, so I write back.. and it continues

I'm sure you noticed, that I don't give up easily... so if you say smthg I don't like, I'm going to check you on it... RESPECTFULLY

Unlike some of the idiots here that think they know me and say words like "spineless" and "no confidence".. u don't know me man, the way I see it, I'm still being with the girl I love, but also, until she is ready, able to play the field guilt free... it is a nice deal

I wish I could only be with her, but too bad... u guys say give her time and let her go and MAYBE she will come back... well, I say, we love being with each other again or in an "open relationship"... if smthg changes great, if not great too

Of course sometimes it bothers me... but I can tell you that I'm happier being with her everyday and enjoying each others company, than being single and only with tamales

And about the sex thing... I can agree with you on one thing... she has me on a leash with the sex thing... of course I go out and have sex with tamales (bc I am technically single), but if I'm with a tamale, and my ex calls me that instant and says "come do me", I will ditch the tamale and come running... the power of sex ;)

I don't get why you see this as a weakness? We EQUALLY love being each other (unless for some reason you think I make out with myself and invite myself and call myself, etc.), we EQUALLY care about each other, and we EQUALLY agree that now we are OK with the situation... this is from BOTH our mouths

Its not what I prefer, but for sure better than only being with tamales... im getting her AND tamales

Until further notice, I'm OK with this arrangement

Anyway, I agree.. im also bored of discussing this... I tried to shift the conversation towards the sex thing only, but some people keep taking it back to "what are u doing, gve her time, space, bla bla bla"... we already established this 2 mnths ago.. im not going to do NC... im going to do a mix of NC and flirting and some games... get over it

Hmmm... looks like I'm pretty confident in my posts and decisions

And finally: I did ask her if she met anyone new or she slept with anyone... I said it in a nice way... she got a bit angry, but that was it... I said some nice words, held her hand, did some cute faces, the works.. and back to normal... good as new

She said of course not... she is out having fun with her friends, but the only person she likes being with is me... she did get offended at the sex thing though when I implied maybe she could be shtupping some prick on the side... she said "im not leeping with u, why would i sleep with some dude i meet in one night?! and u know i dont do one night stands"

Maybe it's the truth maybe its not,. can never know, and I'm OK with that...

But I did ask, like I said I would... I asked in the way I said I would... she got a bit angry, but I made things back to normal... had a great evening... and now back talking to you nice people (some of u)

Feel free not to write back :P

For those that do, always appreciated

Regards

liz28 · Nov 10, 2008, 04:42 PM

Hehe, that last post of your was too funny.

tabbarat · Nov 10, 2008, 04:50 PM

AGREE :)

friend4u178 · Nov 10, 2008, 04:59 PM

I probably would have worded these 2 sentences a bit differently if I was you Tab , but hey it's your thread :)

Originally Posted by tabbarat

a lot of idiots here are starting to get sick of this thread, so simply stop reading..duhhh

a lot of you here are starting to get sick of this thread, so simply stop reading..duhhh

Originally Posted by tabbarat

so if u dont like reading my "diary", then piss off..no one forcing u

so if u dont like reading my "diary", then don't..no one forcing u

Like you say it's more like a journal for you and I think if that helps you fair enough. We all have the choice to leave ;)

I think some here are just getting a bit bit frustrated with hearing the same things now as we were hearing 2 months ago , and with no progress in sight.

slapshot_oi · Nov 10, 2008, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by tabbarat

and finally: i did ask her if she met anyone new or she slept with anyone....i said it in a nice way...she got a bit angry, but that was it...

I told you.

Once again, you prove me right.

tabbarat · Nov 10, 2008, 05:06 PM

No disrespect... take care guys

TrueFaith · Nov 10, 2008, 05:07 PM

I agree.

Look we are not pisst at you for posting so many times..

Its just that all you do is say the same stuff over and over again.. with no sign of any real mental help in sight.

You think this is good ( its not)
You think you are tough and strong (nope)
You think she loves you and likes you (nope)
You think that maybe she will come round and want to have a relationship only with you (Nope)

And yet you lie to yourself so much.. you make up all these pathetic views in your head.. to justify your actions and your so called feelings.

It honestly makes me laugh.

I feel sorry for you.. I really do.

I do wish you luck though. As you will need it when you get so upset that she will never give you what you really want.

Which is a Puer. Honest loving relationship.

Maybe you will get it. When you gorw up more and learn what its like to really love some one.

And yeah I am done with this post.. this will be my last coment.

I hope this goes on for years I really do :)

Its like old re runs of t.v shows.. you just know what's going to happen all the time.

tabbarat · Nov 11, 2008, 02:01 AM

Your last post? Oh no! Please stay!

Look man, your views are right if I really felt that all I want is her or nothing... if I had to decide between being with her in a full committed relationship, or being single again with my tamales...

But since I'm OK with an open relationship... and since I'm in no rush to have smthg serious, and since I'm enjoying the ride most of the time, I feel my views are right

No one is right or wrong... its just that I've settled into a place where I believe its better to be with her AND tamales, instead of tamales alone

Until things change I'm OK like this... not what I prefer, but I'm comfortable

U may believe me, you may not.. i guess we'll just have to agree to disagree

Other than that... good riddens... maybe see you in another post

talaniman · Nov 11, 2008, 05:46 AM

No need to be nasty, bud, that's what happens when you post on an open forum. You will get many opinions.

No one can make you do anything so relax. Our advice, or comments, are only food for thought, and its your choice to do as you please.

But don't you think its telling you're the only one defending your position? That's only food for thought also.

Its telling after 4 months, and then being dumped, then spending 3 more months, your still in the same spot, with the same posts. That's the rub, as I see it, as no where are your feelings, or hers expressed, other than the kissy face stuff. No where after all these posts, have you made a mention of any heartfelt convos, that real couples have. That's telling when you only recycle the same justifications over, and over.

I tell people to pay attention here all the time, and get facts to go along with there feelings, so they can make good decisions for themselves. That's all I want from you, and again, just my opinion, so take it as food for thought.

I already know, like all roller coaster rides, when the thrill is gone, you'll get off, or she will.

Its just a shame to see two people using each other, with out the sharing, and caring, and growing, and building.

Enjoy yourself then, its just something to do while you wait for something to change.

tabbarat · Nov 11, 2008, 08:17 AM

"I already know, like all roller coaster rides, when the thrill is gone, you'll get off, or she will. "

"Enjoy yourself then, its just something to do while you wait for something to change."

I AGREE WITH YOUR TWO COMMENTS ABOVE, TALANIMAN

But there are facts to go with the feelings... I mean we really like each other, and enjoy being with each other... this is from both our mouths... and if you were in dubai and see us together, you would think we were newly married or smthg

We actually did have a "heart felt" conversation... forget if I mentioned it amongst all these posts

But I brought up the fact once about how we're seeing each other everyday and making out and acting like a couple... so why not just be a couple again?

She agreed, and said she thinks about it sometimes, but she is not fully ready to be in a serious relationship now because a) her ex still in pic and b) she needs some time to take it easy and relax.. another serious relationship now would be more stress

She said she does love being with me though and seeing me everyday and kissing etc..

I said I like being with her too... I like being "good friends that like each other"... no pressure... lets just both take it easy and see what happens

So basically what happened was that she is not ready to be bf/gf, but still wants to be with me... I am ready to be bf/gf with her, but don't mind this situation because I can be getting guilt free sex with tamales on the side

So now we are in this "grey/open relationship/its complicated" kind of thing

Both taking it easy and enjoying the ride until the thrill of the roller coaster ends... and then we will see what happens... we will obviously either get back, or one of us gets bored/meets someone else and this whole thing ends... no third option

I love the fact how some fools here thinhk she is controlling the situation and I'm being "weak" etc...

I know what I'm doing.. fully aware of what's going on... I AGREED to what's going on... she ALSO AGREED to what I had to say... we both are in this situation WILLINGLY

The only thing she has a "leash" on me is the sex! Not having sex with her is bothering me... sure I get some on the sode with tamales, but its meaningless... everyone wants what they can't have.. the power of sex... maybe some guys out there can understand that

Take care

talaniman · Nov 11, 2008, 09:16 AM

Like everything else in life, sex only has the power you give it.

The only thing she has a "leash" on me is the sex! Not having sex with her is bothering me

We all can make mistakes, when our nose is open though. That's when sex has power.

tabbarat · Nov 19, 2008, 09:41 AM

In need of advice:

Last night we finally slept together.. we had a great week and a great day and night last night.. in fact, SHE suggested we go back to my house... the sex was great and we had a good time...

But this is what happened: while she was at my house, she kept getting messages and calls that she wouldn't answer... I didn't say anything, because technically we still are single... but after we had sex, when she went to check her phone, I could see she seemed a bit uneasy and nervous... so I asked her what was wrong and to tell me the truth, and so she did...

Apparently, she met a guy, they went out a couple of times, and speak on the phone sometimes, she said they like each other, but its not serious...

She said she LOVES me, and that she wouldn't have finally decided to sleep with me if she didn't really only want to be with me... she said you know I only sleep with guys if I love them or really care about them... and you know that I have only slept with my ex of 10yrs, so it's a big step for me to sleep with u.. I hope that shows you how I feel about u

I got angry (dont know if its because she liked another guy, or because she didn't tell me till now, maybe both)... she said that this has been going on for about 2 weeks only.

I told her that I love her too much to share her with anyone... if she is confused or also likes this other guy, then I will say goodbye and wish her the best; because I can't handle knowing that she is out with another guy..

She started crying and tried coming to me and hugging me, and kissing me, etc. I moved away and dropped her home

She called me today, I didn't answer

Now the question is this: we were in an open relationship... sure we really liked each other, but we were technically single.. so did she in fact do smthg wrong?

Am I bothered only because she liked someone first?

Shouldn't the fact that her finally deciding to sleep with me even after she met this guy, mean smthg?

When I dropped her home, her last words were, you are a smart guy... I know when you are calm and think about this, you will know that I only want to be with u, and know how I really feel about u, and what I want with u...

I didn't say anything

She did ask me if I slept with someone, I told her yes! I told her that it was a girl I met in a club, and I did it when me and you were not talking or weren't as close as now... it was when I didn't know what was happening between us and you had recently told me that you were talking to your ex again

She got pissed and tried to turn it on me, but I didn't let her... I told her you liked someone when things were good between us... I had meaningless sex with a girl when I didn't know what was going to happen between us...

She closed the subject

So, finally, tabbarat is looking for advice :)

Mom of 2 · Nov 19, 2008, 10:07 AM

From what you have now told us, my opinion is that she is more manipulative than I originally thought.

Yes, you were in an open relationship, but I still feel that even if you guys were in a committed relationship together, I would not be able to trust her. It is apparent to me that she likes drama, manipulation and your lives would be in constant turmoil.

My advice is to give this girl the boot. I just don't see how someone can profess their love for someone else and then still agree to go out with someone else. Something just does not seem right.

liz28 · Nov 19, 2008, 10:07 AM

Whdn your in an open relationship you can date who you want because your both agreed to this. Therefore, no one should get mad at the other person if they take an interest in another person.

Don't you think that if your dating people you might take a liking to another person? Your free to do so because your not committed to no one.

I think now your upset because you don't have her ex to worry about because like you stated before he's in another country miles away. But now you know there is a guy in town that she likes and most likely like her back so now you've a threat, something that you mention before over and over in your past threads that you wouldn't be handle.

This want happens when your in an open relationship. Also, you can't get mad because you was out having your fun too so your both was. Maybe you took it a step further by having sex but you can't be for sure she wasn't and if she really wasn't then you was doing more then her.

talaniman · Nov 19, 2008, 10:34 AM

It was inevitable that the stuff would hit the fan. Now all cards are on the table.

Go fishing, or whatever guys in Dubai do, to get away, and let the emotional dust settle, and give yourself a chance to regroup, and think, WITHOUT HER INFLUENCE.

3 days should do it. There is a great danger in making decisions based on just feelings, and not facts.

I find it amazing, you finally get what you wanted, in this OPEN(?) relationship, and now your mad, and hurt, and confused. Hmmmmm!

Mom of 2 · Nov 19, 2008, 10:39 AM

I want to rephrase some things. Yes, you were in an open relationship so therefore there were no boundaries. In that regard, she did nothing wrong and you can't get mad at that. She also can't get mad at the things that you decided to do while in an open relationship. That is why I don't believe in these kinds of relationships because there can be a lot of confusion.

At any rate, what it comes down to is this: WHAT DO YOU WANT?? It seems to me that you want a more committed relationship with this girl but you are too afraid to admit that to yourself, to us or to her. You need to come to terms as to why this is. You need to determine what it is you really want. If you want this girl and no one else, then you need to admit this. I don't think that you really like this open relationship.

When I said that I thought she was being manipulative it is because it sounds like she is trying to make you decide. "I know your smart and you should know I really like you...." Does she want you to make the decision in this situation? She said that she likes this other guy but that she loves you. If this was a true open relationship, then no one truly loves anyone.

In the overall story, I just don't have good feelings about this. I say cut your losses and find someone else who is more deserving of your time. Otherwise, your life will continue to have an over abundance of drama in it. She can't decide what she wants. It's always an excuse with her as to why she can't move forward with you. Also, I don't think that you REALLY know what you want either.

talaniman · Nov 19, 2008, 10:45 AM

Well said MOM, and maybe its time to stop seeing her as the poor confused female, that can't make up her mind, because she sure seems to know what she is doing to me.