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nolies · Nov 18, 2008, 03:07 PM

So me and this guy met in November of last year and we've been really really really close best friends since then. Around June of this year we started dating and we kept it a secret because he's 20 and I'm 16, his dad works in the law and well, we all know that's against the law. But I did some research and 16 is the age of consent, and in Washington State there is a 5 year law where it's okay, and we're only 4 years apart. And after he broke up with me in September because too many people were pressuring him, asking if we were dating or not he couldn't take it. But I knew that he was heartbroken too... he told me that in 2 years we could date again because he didn't think his feelings were going to change towards me. Well I have a ad feeling they did, we talk on the phone every night and recently he's been being really mean and kind of a jerk... I'm just scared he's going to move on before I do. What should I do? Because I don't want to waste my time waiting for something that won't happen. He also fell in love with this girl that eventually moved to Hawaii and he still loves her and she's 20, they used to date and he moved to be with her for a while in 9th grade, they're still really good friends and I don't want to get hurt again from him because he ends up choosing her.
HELP!

neverme · Nov 18, 2008, 03:55 PM

It sounds to me like this guy probably did mean it when he said that he thought his feelings wouldn't change over time but its looking like its going to go that way.
Id say have a conversation with him about it, are you two free to date other people in these two years? I assume you are. If that's the case why don't you tell him that if he does feel the same way about you in two years time to come and tell you then, and until such a time give each other some space... it will only hurt more to watch him like or be with other girls, or suspect him of being with other girls.
You need to let the land lie with your past relationship and if its supposed to be it will be. I no this is easier said than done but your only hurting yourself by not giving each other space.

blondbabe100 · Nov 18, 2008, 04:44 PM

This guy is rude! He said that you have to wait for him ,right?but he is in love with another girl so Don't WAIT FOR HIM if he is moving on then you! He is unfair!

ylaira · Nov 18, 2008, 04:44 PM

He grew up. People change. Just accept it. You'll change too.. Just wait.

mikedem7 · Nov 18, 2008, 08:12 PM

Find other friends and move on

talaniman · Nov 18, 2008, 11:48 PM

Stop contact with him, and give yourself a chance to heal.

nolies · Mar 17, 2009, 03:14 PM

Merged threads

So... it's been like 6 months since I've been on here, and nothing has gotten better with the guy that I've been with. We'll call him James, James and I have been best friends for almost two years now, and for about the first 4 months, that's all we were, we talked on the phone EVERY night till we fell asleep, we hung out EVERY chance we could. And of course it turned into more. I'm 16 and he's 20, so obvious problems there with that. We never told anyone, but they could always sense something... and still no one knows, and now it's been almost two years of off and on and off and on. And it's only been getting worse, I may be only 16, but I really think I'm in love with him, and I've told him, and he knows, and he told me that over the summer he was in love with me... and now he's not, and his first love, the one that "never faded away" as he put it, is moving back from Hawaii in may, she's been there for a long time, I'm not sure how long, and they still talk apparently like 3 times a week, and me and james still talk every night. He lies to me about what he's doing because he doesn't want to "hurt" me, when little does he know that I know everything he's done. Lately, he's been trying to "distance" himself from me to prepare for Tiffany to come home, she's Miss Hawaii.. and it's not working, I was crying and upset and I told him the only person that could prepare me for that was myself... and I'm trying the best I can, but James is my first love, I can't publicly be with him, he doesn't love me anymore, he made himself fall out of love because I was 16, it's not that easy for me... I got attachted, and if I had known it was going to turn into this trust me, I wouldn't have. He's been going behind my back with one of his ex girlfriends, Racheal, and he doesn't think I know, but his lies just don't add up, and one day I finally confirmed it when he accidentally left his e-mail open at my house, he thought he x'd it but he really minimized it, and I clicked because he had left and I didn't know what it was at first, and I saw he had an e-mail from Rachel with an attatchment and I clicked it and it was pictured of them at the park laying on the grass cuddling, and stuff and it was recent from March 6th... and as soon as I saw that I started sobbing and crying and shaking and I didn't know what to do, and I still haven't told him about that. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose him, which most people would be like, "so what" and I want SO SO bad to be able to say that too, but it's way harder than I thought, I can't just move on and forget him, I know he doesn't deserve me but I can't help it! We got in a fight on new years, and it was about trust because I went to a party, and he didn't trust what I could have done and blah blah, which, I didn't do anything. But I found out like, last month that he was with someone who used to be one of my best friends and they hung out, and she has no idea that I've been with him and I didn't tell her, I didn't show I was hurt and upset, and I still haven't told him that I know. I'm scared that the day I bring everything up that we won't talk and I'm in love with him, and he's been my best friend for so long that I don't know what to do. And the one person that I've talked to about all this just told me to get over him, and it's way easier said than done, and I'm sick of knowing that's what I have to do, and everyone being like, "well if someone treated me like that i'd leave him" I know, and I would have if I had known it was going down this path, but now it's too late for my emotions to handle, I want someone to understand and to not just tell me what I already know... help me?

talaniman · Mar 19, 2009, 08:25 AM

Life doesn't always give us what we want, when we want it. Some times it puts us in positions where things just don't work out, and we have to make some adjustments ,to cope with whats going on ,and how we feel.

That's where you are now, as reality can suck, but you must make some adjustment, and cope with what your going through, whether you want to, or not.

Your not alone, and we all have to go through these changes, and deal with them whether its easy or not.

Join real life with the rest of us, who have done it, and may have to do it again. Its never easy, but you learn and grow from it.

unspeaken21 · Mar 19, 2009, 08:28 PM

He didn't stop loving you because you are 16.. he stopped loving you because he wants to be with the Hawaii girl.

I think its better if you lose him..

To be honest I don't understand why you are still with him.. you know a lot of stuff that he has done that is hurting you but you are still with him..

I wish I was your friend so I could just get you out of this misery and out of his life..

I think the timing for you and him is just bad.. and I think his feelings for his Hawaii girl is stronger... at least in this year it is..

Please, let him go... its going to be hard, its going to take time, you will lose apart of you in the process, but in the end it will be all worth it and you will finally be able to live your life without constantly finding new updates about him...