[kei12345]

Hey guys

Some of you guys may remember me from my old thread that was quite long

Well id just like to ask your opinion on something..

I recently got a new girlfriend who is quite a difference from my old one in terms of age and experience..

I am her 2nd serious boyfriend and currently we're doing quite well.. the story in a nutshell is that she lost feelings for her ex a while back and broke it off recently before getting with me..

She considers him one of her best friends but does not see him in that way anymore.. he is still trying to let go of her and always calls her up trying to find out what she does, what she gets up to and who she is with etc

She is quite submissive, sympathetic and emotional as a person and always feels sorry for people around her.. she feels sorry for him and he is always upset that they broke up, trying to get his head around it, even at times asked her to get back with him..

Because she is with me, things have changed now though they still talk to each other once in a while on the phone..

Whenever I am at her house, occasionally he would call, personally I don't have a problem with this though she has told me (and I have seen) that every time they talk, she feels like he is interrogating her and what she does in her life.. she becomes very annoyed and quite often leaving on an upset note..

She did not know how to handle the breakup (nor did he) they didn't go through no contact etc and hence why he is still clingy now..

I'm not sure what to do in this situation as he is always making her upset and I feel like I am the one who has to pick up the pieces and get her happy again, I understand they dated for 3 years but honestly I feel like crap, almost 2nd best when she talks to him and gets off upset (annoyed at how he is, she feels sorry for him), she has told me she hates seeing him like this..

What would you ugys suggest in this situation?

The most recent example was yesterday when we were watching a movie at her house and he would call once in a while, she would put the phone on silent evertyime she calsl but I notice signs where it just kills the mood and she becomes upset and it just basically wrecks the night. She told me yesterday his "close relatives friend past away" and he wanted to talk to her.. during the movie she will be holding the phone worrying he'll call etc but won't ever pick it up when I'm there..

I know I may come off as jealous I admit but should it be like this? I hate seeing my girlfriend upset because of her ex.. am I wrong here? How should I approach this?

[talaniman]

Until she gets irritated enough to stop him from calling, there is very little you can do, except telling her your getting tired of him ruining your good time.

What she does about that is really up to her.

[chuff]

I think you are an enabler. If someone else calls her and she willingly continues to let him upset her then that's her problem. What's worse is when the phone call is over you say you "pick up the pieces" That's not your job to be her emotional baggage collector every time she allows someone she has a history with to bring her down. Look if someone at walking down the street said she had a big nose and that bothered her, you should correct it and bring her back to a comfort level. But this is a situation where she continues to know the outcome, but doesn't change it, and now as a bonus you do the same thing to her, that she does to him, only in reverse. Your pattern of behavior is exactly the same. Furthermore it comes off like womanly behavior in that when a woman is emotionally down they usually turn to other women, not men. To me it makes her associate you with women and not as a unique man.

Next time this happens, I'd tell her the truth. You know what your going to get when you talk to your ex, yet you keep doing it. Either don't do it, or don't complain to me about. I'm not your emotional tampon when it's something you are in control of. She's going to say, "I can't believe your not going to be there for me, when I'm down" or something similar. Your response should be, "I'm here for you when something goes wrong in life, but I'm not going to continue to build you up, only for you to repeat the same pattern of behavior. That's not who I am and the constant emotional rollar coaster is stopping with me right now, if you want to keep it going, you are welcome to, but you know what's going to happen at this point.

[kei12345]

Oh wow

That's made quite abit of sense
I really appreciate it!