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babygurl1988 · Nov 14, 2008, 10:55 PM

My boyfriend started smoke a few months after we started dating. I will admit it was my fault because my dad had a pack of captain blacks and he said he used to smoke them all the time so I gave him a couple. I'm always nagging him to quit. We have a baby girl on the way and I was wondering if it's wrong for me to keep nagging him to quit? After all it is kind of my fault for getting him started in the first place

TrueFaith · Nov 14, 2008, 11:10 PM

You fire starter you.

Why you would give him a smoke? When you knew he quit?

Anyway yeah it would be kind of wrong for you to nag him.. its wrong to NAG anyone.

Because nagging is normal just one sided and the other person.. plays re runs of (I love lucy)
In there head.. while acting like they are listning.

Sit him down and have a talk with him
Say do it for your baby girl.
And its time to make a better life for us all, become more healthy, and live longer for her

Good luck

babygurl1988 · Nov 14, 2008, 11:53 PM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

You fire starter you.

why you would give him a smoke? when you knew he quit?

Anyway yeah it would be kind of wrong for you to nag him.. its wrong to NAG anyone.

because nagging is normal just one sided and the other person.. plays re runs of (i love lucy)
in there head.. while acting like they are listning.

Sit him down and have a talk with him
say do it for your baby girl.
and its time to make a better life for us all, become more healthy, and live longer for her

good luck

I have talked to him about it and he said in June that by the time the baby shower comes around he would have been done smoking. Well our baby shower was about 3 weeks ago and still nothing. He smokes nearly a pack a day. It's bad enough I worry about my dad passing away due to smoking I don't want to come home from work one day and see my baby trying to wake her daddy up and not understanding why he won't get up and play with her. Any other suggestions as to what I can say to him to get him to stop. I told him to stop for his baby girl and he said he would and hasn't yet.

xxariesxx · Nov 15, 2008, 12:50 AM

Remind him he said he'd quit by the baby shower. And tell him what you just told us about not wanting your girl to see him that way.

Sit him down and tell him you have something very important to talk to him about. Take it very seriously, be stern, don't try to sugar coat it or go easy on him. Tell him you were wrong to give him those cigarettes in the first place, but he had a choice to start smoking them, and you were both at fault. Tell him you need to work on it together. Give him some simple incentive (along with frequent reminders of his baby!) to stop smoking; if he goes a day without it, do something special for him. A week, something more. Etc.

Admit you were wrong for giving him the cigarettes, he shouldn't have taken them, and that you want to work together to get him to stop.

babygurl1988 · Nov 15, 2008, 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by xxariesxx

Remind him he said he'd quit by the baby shower. And tell him what you just told us about not wanting your girl to see him that way.

Sit him down and tell him you have something very important to talk to him about. Take it very seriously, be stern, don't try to sugar coat it or go easy on him. Tell him you were wrong to give him those cigarettes in the first place, but he had a choice to start smoking them, and you were both at fault. Tell him you need to work on it together. Give him some simple incentive (along with frequent reminders of his baby!) to stop smoking; if he goes a day without it, do something special for him. A week, something more. Etc.

Admit you were wrong for giving him the cigarettes, he shouldn't have taken them, and that you want to work together to get him to stop.

I can't seem to talk to him about it without him getting mad. The smallest things set him off so I really need to be careful not to hurt his feeling. I don't blame him to getting mad, he lost everyone he loves to cancer. And I know he would never do anything to hurt me or the baby because he never did. Any suggestions how I can be nice about it but not sugar coat it or be too stern about it. There's nothing I hate more than when he's mad at me cause he doesn't talk to me for days when he's mad at me.

xxariesxx · Nov 15, 2008, 04:08 AM

Originally Posted by babygurl1988

I can't seem to talk to him about it without him getting mad. the smallest things set him off so i really need to be careful not to hurt his feeling. i don't blame him to getting mad, he lost everyone he loves to cancer. and i know he would never do anything to hurt me or the baby because he never did. any suggestions how i can be nice about it but not sugar coat it or be too stern about it. there's nothing i hate more than when he's mad at me cause he doesn't talk to me for days when he's mad at me.

So you're saying that he gets angry because it upsets him to think of the people he loves being lost to cancer? I can understand that, but that's something as a mature man (and father) he needs to deal with. That should be even more incentive to stop smoking instead of wallowing in his self pity; what would his loved ones think? They would want him to quit too.

I understand you don't want him to be mad at you. We can't go through life constantly being careful not to step on everyone's toes though. There is no way it's going to work if you feel like you have to hide important things from him in order for him to not get angry. It sounds like he needs to grow up a little, honestly. If he gets mad, he gets mad; as much as it hurts for him to be that way, he has to deal with these things and be an adult about it.

I didn't think what I suggested to tell him was being too stern or sugar coating it. Just tell him how important it is to you and your future child, and that you realize you shouldn't have given him the cigarettes in the first place and that you're sorry. Say too that he needs to quit and that you want to help him. This way he feels like he isn't being ganged up on, and he knows you care and want to help.

If he gets angry, there's nothing you can do about that. You have a right to speak your mind about what you think is best for your baby, and he needs to deal with that and grow up.

talaniman · Nov 15, 2008, 07:34 AM

While its not right to nag, you can demand that he not smoke around you, or your baby.

After that its his choice, and he has to decide what he does about it.

chuff · Nov 15, 2008, 08:12 AM

I can honestly see your point and him smoking around the baby is neither healthy or the sign of a good role model, but as a guy if I can tell you, if you keep nagging me about anything I'm going to keep doing it. Nagging just ticks us off more which causes more stress and look at his solution to stress... smoking. You may have kick started his habit again, but I think in a way you are also keeping it going. I would do exactly what Tal said, tell him not to smoke around the baby and as a compromise you will not bring it up again. He may be more inclined to quit on his own at that point.

neverme · Nov 15, 2008, 08:18 AM

You I agree with the last couple of posts.. tell him not to smoke around the baby and stop bringing it up... but I have to say its not your fault he took and smoked and continued to smoke. You just gave him cigarettes he did the rest

LifeChangesMan · Nov 15, 2008, 09:03 AM

I don't foresee it to be a problem to ask him to quit, especially with a baby on the way he should be able to understand, and try and kick the habit not, not right before the baby comes if he gives you that old song and dance.

babygurl1988 · Nov 15, 2008, 11:47 AM

I already have him going outside for a smoke. Except for yesterday because it was 4 in the morning and the place we live in is not a safe place to be going outside for a smoke at 4 in the morning. I just want him to quit because I don't want my child to start. I was a smoker myself because I saw my dad smoking and what little girl doesn't look up to her daddy. But as soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit cold turkey after 8 years of smoking. What else you got?

chuff · Nov 15, 2008, 12:48 PM

Here's what I've got babygurl, you asked if it is okay to nag and the subject matter is the health of your child, which nobody here is disagreeing with. So if you take away the subject matter it falls back to you nagging. Has nagging worked for you so far? You are trying to make him do something by force and guys (and for that matter girls) do not, NOT like being nagged into doing something. All your doing is setting this up for more problems, because your nagging about this is going to turn into nagging about something else and this is going to start a snowball effect that you won't be able to get out of. He is a grown man, and a father do not talk down to him like he's a 2 year old constantly scolding him. It is that very annoying behavior that is going to continue the behavior you don't want. Tell him in a kind way, not a nagging way, but a friendly way, that when the baby is born you want him to not smoke in front of her, which he will understand, then tell him you are going to DROP IT, and follow through.