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kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 09:26 AM

It can be anyone. No two people are alike, thus developing a relationship with them takes time and effort, regardless of the type of relationship you are developing.

debdoes · Nov 14, 2008, 09:44 AM

Well, we've been broken up for 2 weeks now, and I realized pretty much what an idiot I was since this weekend. I came across this website and posted my story and got feedback. Just reading my own story makes me sick just thinking how foolish I was.

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 09:47 AM

Hey, hang in there. Everyone does things they aren't proud of... everyone panics. Hell, I still make mistakes and it has been almost three months. That should tell you something. It takes A LONG time to recover. Two weeks is nothing. The healing process is one drawn out roller coaster process, with a lot of ups and downs along the way.

BottomRock · Nov 14, 2008, 09:52 AM

I might be too late to answer this question, But still I do have a suggestion for you.

See when you mention "Ex GFS", think that he is A flirt. For Some Guys Love is Game and for some Love is Life. If he is the first kind then better be away from him before any instance.

If he is a second kind then he would not have left his GF's... what do you say

Decide yourself as I Don't know about that.

Well think and take a firm decision

BottomRock

debdoes · Nov 14, 2008, 09:53 AM

I'm trying to hang in there... I know 2 weeks isn't a lot but it is enough to make me know I effed up bad...
And I'm not sure he even will realize his own mistake until something like this happens to him. I don't think I would have. Maybe if I did get help, things could have been different.

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 10:06 AM

Too late to worry about that. You just have to realize we ALL make mistakes for a reason. As long as you learn and acknowledge your mistake (as you are doing), then it will only make you better.

plonak · Nov 14, 2008, 10:24 AM

Cricket stop focusing so much on what's going to happen in the future, your mind will heal how it wants to.. even if you feel like you're not healing right now you are

For now just enjoy the fact that you're not feeling anything.. everyone is different and everyone heals differently.. this is life.. it makes us who we are..

Keep yourself busy and like the others said break your routine.. go to the gym or try a cooking class.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 11:54 AM

OK... its starting to hit... im starting to miss him... I can't stop looking at my phone... whether he texted or called.. but of course with disappointment.. he didn't.. I guess the question is.. what if he did? What would have I done? I guess I can just think of this as a good thing. It's just hard. Well, I still have two hours and a half left of work then I would need to find something to do to keep my mind off him. In the meantime, like some of you suggested I am trying to think of all the reasons I don't deserve him but for some reason the whole "missing" him is somewhat taking over.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by BottomRock

I might be too late to answer this question, But still i do have a suggestion for you.

See when you mention "Ex GFS", think that he is A flirt. For Some Guys Love is Game and for some Love is Life. If he is the first kind then better be away from him before any instance.

If he is a second kind then he would not have left his GF's... wat do you say

Decide yourself as I Dont know abt that.

Well think and take a firm decision

BottomRock

Thank you for your suggestion. He used to be the first one he says " Love was all a game" On every ex girlfriend he had.. he cheated on except me. I thought that was a good thing, but as months passes he became such a jealous guy. Probably too insecure since he's scared that I was going to cheat on him. He never trusted me. Always calls me a flirt even when I'm just talking to one of our friends. He's insecure he's scared. So I guess, he is too scared and that's why he let go. *uGh* he is so selfish.

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 12:14 PM

You see, you are halfway there. Most people put their ex on a pedestal right after a break up, and can think of only the good times and good qualities. You, on the other hand, recognize his faults... good for you!

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:24 PM

Thanks I'm trying... I still can't deny that I do miss him. Right now my feelings are going back and forth. One minute I miss him.. then the next minute I hate him. Is this normal?

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 12:28 PM

Yes... completely normal. Breaking up (the process) is literally a roller coaster of emotions. It is your mind trying to balance the good and bad so to speak. You really can't do anything about it. I still have those feelings.

plonak · Nov 14, 2008, 02:03 PM

Yup it was a MAJOR rollar coaster for sure when me and my ex broke up.. that's just all part of the process

cricket_10 · Nov 16, 2008, 06:29 PM

UPDATE

Last Friday after work... I did good by not calling him. I decided to go to the mall to do a little bit of "shopping therapy" and of course to keep my mind off him. As I was driving in.. there's a four way stop... and to my surprise.. guess who's on the other lane.. its "HIM"!! Wow.. of all the places and time.. we had to see each other. We just looked at each other as I pass his car and continued my way. Then about 15minutes later he called and of course I picked up. ( I have failed my first test, I know)

Here's our conversation

HIM: "Hi, I just saw you"
ME: "I know"
HIM: "going to Macy's"
ME: "yeah"
HIM: "oh okay..that's all bye"
ME: "bye"

Thinking that he might be still around I decided to go home right after that but I was wrong. While driving home I saw him again. He was on his way to see one of our friends who live right by my neighborhood. Then he texted me " I just saw you again..isn't it cute that we keep on bumping to each other?". I did not reply. He kept on texting me just to update me with what he's doing. The following day, he was going out of state for the weekend. He would text me and stuff. I would only reply to what's needed or could be just my excuse to say I'm not "rude". He also said he miss me. I did not reply. Tonight, he texd me again and I asked if I missed him and I replied " you shouldve thought of that before letting me go". Then he said "don't you miss me" and I replied " I don't know. there are times when I do miss you but there are also times when I'm so angry with you". Then he says " he didnt really want to break up" and I did not reply. Then he texted if he can call me later just to talk. I said OK.

I need help. I don't know what to say to this guy later. I know I shouldn't have put myself in this position. I could've said NO. I know I don't want to be with him anymore. I would like to let him know that. But what if in return.. he doesn't really want me back but just want to talk? I don't know. I'm just simply scared.

kctiger · Nov 16, 2008, 06:32 PM

If I were you, I wouldn't pick up the phone next time. As a matter of fact, I would just turn my phone off so you aren't tempted to pick it up. He has you on a string now, cause he knows anytime he contacts you, you will eventually respond. If you really don't want him back, then ignore him. Easier said than done, I know. I know it is hard and we have all been where you are.

debdoes · Nov 17, 2008, 01:17 AM

Wowwww! Still sounds like my situation! Again for the first week of our breakup I sound like him. And he reacted like you...

talaniman · Nov 17, 2008, 06:16 AM

Hi Cricket, Congrats for standing up for yourself, as he was being a butt hole, expecting you to cancel your plans, to be with him, when all he had to do was communicate his plans ahead of time. Making a big deal of it just made things so much worse, and now he is rethinking his decision.

Stay cool, and let him express himself, and apologize, as his behavior was immature, and impulsive and quite selfish.

No apology, no relationship, so don't take no BS, because if he really misses you, and cares, he will show it with actions, and not just words.

Pay attention, and keep standing up for yourself. I like that in you.

cricket_10 · Nov 17, 2008, 08:19 AM

Thanks again and thank you in advance

I didn't pick up his call when he called the first time last night. I felt I wasn't "ready" to talk to him yet. I needed time to think. Although, after a couple of hours I called him back but in return he didn't pick up. He then texted me a little while after saying why I'm always too busy for him, which turned me off even more. He then called me and I picked up. By this time I was not in the mood to talk to him but felt in respect I picked up.

He first blabbed on about how he's not important to me and how he is so hurt by my actions. I replied by saying "I am sorry if I ever hurt your feelings and I didnt intend to. You're not the only one hurt by all of this, I am too." I tried to explain again my reasons but he wouldn't listen. He was stuck on the mindset that it was all my fault and why do I keep hurting him. Which at some point I actually felt guilty. Then I thought, if he doesn't want to listen to my reasons.. why should I listent to his and why should I take all these hurtful things from him? As he continued to blab on.. my mind started to float on some other thoughts and eventually ended up not listening to him. I guess I got tired of listening to his non sense. Then he says, I guess this is it. This is goodbye and I said Ok. Then he he got mad and says "how can you just say okay? I guess it wouldve been better if I just didn't thnk of you over the weekend as I was out enjoying with friends and other girls." Of course he then caught my attention. I felt jealous. I wanted to know everything about his weekend. I wanted to know what happened, especially with the girls. *UGH* I hate it when my insecurities sets in. He got me and he knew it. I know I didn't help myself by doing this, I only helped him boost his ego even more. We ended the night me frustrated and him feeling pretty good about himself.

Before falling asleep, I know again I made a mistake by falling back into his trap. You were right I should have not answered that call. I should just let go now but it is so hard to do. When I thought I was doing so good, he simply comes back and ruins it. The sad thing is I just let him. *sigh*

kctiger · Nov 17, 2008, 08:28 AM

Sucks. That is exactly why No Contact is the only way to go. I don't know how many times I thought I would feel better by talking to my ex, then I would end up feeling ten times worse. Never worth it.

talaniman · Nov 17, 2008, 08:47 AM

The sad thing is I just let him. *sigh*

The good news, you can change your behavior any time you want.