[sotmra]

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. I'm 22 and she's 25. She is my first "official" girlfriend and the first one I've ever been intimate with. We've had a great relationship so far but along the way I pick up things she mentions about her past and I piece them together, trying not to think about her past more less ask about it due to being afraid of the answers, however after all this time I couldn't go on pretending to love her for who she says she is and not knowing who she really is. I needed to know about her past, what made her the girl she is today. I didn't feel it was honest for her to never let me know about the past 3 years of her life. Well I finally asked and of course my insecurities are affecting our relationship. The story is obvious, I'm insecure about myself (sexually) having grown up my life believing I'm pretty much a loser (never had sex, never smoked or done drugs) and now I find out within 2-3 years she had been engaged (with her first **) and she still keeps in contact with him, and he's been flirting with her. She was into drugs, smoked while with a few boyfriends.. these are all things I've so far come to live with. Then she had been with 9 other men. Some who are 10+ yrs older than I am and 2 she hadn't been in a relationship with, just booty calls (and one of those we're, not to sound racist, a black guy.) but we all know the stories of what they're best known for to women and I think to myself no wonder why she would just sleep with him without wanting a relationship, I'm just a short white kid. What makes it worse on my insecurities is that it was just her cellphone carrier and she used to tell me about him in the past how they used to play rough. Back then I had no idea she was just a booty call to him and just recently I found out he's black. So right now all that's going on through my head is thinking how she barely ever wants to have sex with me and I can't blame her. She says its cause of her hormones, but come on. Maybe once a month as opposed to 9 different guys within 3 years. Finding this out I think to myself, this isn't my girlfriend.. who have I been with this whole time? Am I just another number? If I make one wrong turn who's to say she won't drop me and move onto someone else who can please her, someone with more experience.

I need someone to tell me I'm overreacting and how to get over it. I want it to work out, we talk about our futures a lot, or at least we used to. Now this is clouding my mind and distancing me from her and I'm afraid I'll start either treating her badly and mess this up. I told her I'm doing what she wants me to do, not care about her past. I believe 100% its messed up for me to think about it but this is why she fell in love with me in the first place. Because I care, I'm nice and I care about everything. I'm kind of a loner, never cared about myself as long as I can make others happy. But now slowly I see myself changing as the days go by because I'm learning not to care. Im learning not to care about her past so it doesn't bother me, but that's just not me. People have been telling me I'm different now. I love her for who she led me to believe, not for what made her into what she is today, and I don't know who she is. I know she loves me and she says she can't love anyone else but that right there is what sets it off. Im sure she told the same thing to everyone else, what makes ME so special? Ive seen her other boyfriends, and from my judgment, she doesn't like me for my physical or sexual qualities. I feel like I was just there at the right time when we dated and she just doesn't want to be single.

I don't know what to think or do anymore.

[TrueFaith]

My god kid!

WoW! Never have I read.. just amazing dribble :)

Oh yeah a LONER only cares about himself... not other people LoL
and being cool.. has got nothing to do with smoking or taking drugs..


a couple of things you need to get into your head.

1)- Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship

2)- Black guys.. LoL get that idea out of your head that they are all gods in the bedroom. And even if so.. it does not matter as she is not with him anymore she is with you.


3) Work on your issues man. You have a lot of needy insecuaritys poping up.. which could and will damage your relationship

You are thinking too much and you have a huge low self esteem issue! Get that sorted out man or she will leave you.

You have only been with 1 girl. I'm sure if you go with more you will say and do things that you know will make the other person happy. And we all feel them feelings at the TIME. So yeah what was said then.. does not reflect on the NOW

We all have a past.. I have done awful things. Things I will never do again..
but that does not mean the person I am with I love any less or think of any less.


So.. Work on yourself. Get them silly thoughts out of your head.

yeah she talks to the X. that can be a bit of an off putter for most people..
you will have to learn either to Trust her. And her actions
or leave.

good luck..

and stop thinking :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Well my thought, and sorry what a loser.

So you don't have history, and for some reason not proud of the fact you did not use drugs or have randam sex.

And no her past is not who she is, SHE is who is she with you right now. She should not have had to tell you about her past, PAST is just that past.

You eithr love her for who she is now or forget about it.

[coolguy123_123]

I always say "You deserve what you have to offer". You need to find a girl that is like yourself that way you won't feel inadequate with her. Past is sometimes important and this is one of those times. Don't listen to those people that say past is the past because that is only partially true. IT's like saying its OK that you date an ex-serial killer, it's nonsense. Your insecurities are obviously legit. She's put a lot of miles on the odometer and you haven't no wonder you feel insecure. Find yourself a new girlfriend. She's talking to her ex and that is something you shouldn't put up with because if she really wants to be exclusive then she would get go of all of her ex boy friends. She's a fake. Find a real lady that's still a virgin man :)