[calicocat]

How do you tell a 14 years son you are daing

[Mom of 2]

I have a 13-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter and I have been dating a man for a year (will be a year in two weeks). My kids have absolutely no problems and in fact would like to see my boyfriend more.

When I first got divorced, however, my son was very adamant that he did not want me to start dating anyone. I am sure that this was because of the fact that his dad had several girlfriends that he introduced the kids to and the kids were emotionally and mentally effected by this because of the way that my ex handled the situation. However, things have improved immensely since that initial conversation because I think they are more used to it. When I first started seeing my boyfriend(I started dating him about 1 year after the finalization of my divorce), I sat down with my son and told him that just like he and his sister have friends their own age, I also need friends my own age to talk to and hang out with. My son seemed to be okay with this, as he was more used to the divorce situation than he was a year prior. Although you should take into account your children's feelings, you cannot allow your children to control your life in all of your decisions. You have a right to have friends your own age just like your son needs friends his own age.

Sorry for the long explanation, but I thought that I needed to say all of that.

With all of that said, there is no one way that you SHOULD tell your son. You know your son better than anyone and I am sure that you will be able to find the proper words to tell him of your wants and needs. Your son may not be comfortable at first, but as long as he knows that you care about his feelings and that you would never intentionally hurt him, then things should be okay. Children just want to be talked to, understood, asked their opinion from time to time, etc. Children of divorce want the same thing, but they often feel that no one took their feelings into account and they may feel out of control in this respect. Just always remember that it is all about the kids, that kids come first and you should be okay.

[70541]

Um how long has the divorce been... also.. he will be a bit defensive of you as most children are BUT he will most likely warm up with the guy/girl when he gets to know him/her better