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katahkitten · Nov 1, 2008, 06:37 AM

So I'm not really as shy as I was in high school, but I do have a social anxiety problem that has come around. When having a conversation with people, most of the time I have a hard time concentrating on what is actually being said. I think about what I am going to say next and where to look. I'm not a talker, usually I let the other person talk more (especially if I'm not comfortable with them), but sometimes I feel like I just can't act natural. Has anyone else had this issue? Medication is out of the question (I was way too medicated in college).

starbuck8 · Nov 1, 2008, 08:00 AM

Have you ever tried any natural remedies? There are many good ones at the health food stores, and some of them work really well, without that drugged up feeling.

I know what you mean. I have been in situations like that, and although I thought I was listening to the person talking, I really didn't hear anything they were saying because I felt anxious. I've missed some pretty important things because I've tuned out. Things like someone giving me instructions or directions.

I don't know if you're into this, but my sister swears by it, and I've done some myself, and it seems to help. Yoga and/or meditation help for anxiety. Also other kinds of excersise could help too.

You might even want to try acupuncture. I've seen it help some people.

:)

albear · Nov 1, 2008, 08:26 AM

I think you need to try and build up your confidence in some way, try and find the people who you can be comfortable with like friends so that you can be more open and don't have to worry too much about what you are going to say, now the hard part, try and apply the same thought patterns so that your not so constricted when talking with other people, some types of therapy can be good for this, so maybe try and speak with your local doctor to see if they can recommend any types and maybe put you in contact with them :)

starbuck8 · Nov 1, 2008, 08:53 AM

You know, and this might seem silly. I forgot I used to do this. Someone told me one time to wear an elastic band around my wrist. When I felt like I was getting really anxious, I would discretely give it a snap. I don't know why it worked, but it did, and helped me to focus.

Another thing I did was to put pressure on the fleshy part of my hand, between the thumb and pointer finger, with my other hand. There is apparently a pressure point there that releases energy.

Worth a try, and if it doesn't work, well there's nothing lost right?

katahkitten · Nov 1, 2008, 11:21 AM

Thank you both so much! Starbuck you seem to know exactly what I'm talking about. I am going to try the elastic band thing. What kind of remedies are there at the health food store that I should look into?

starbuck8 · Nov 1, 2008, 12:18 PM

There are many of them Katahkitten. But I'll give you some of the ones that helped me out a bit.

Make sure you take a B-complex vitamin

Niacinamide (not Niacin) works very well. 500mg-2000mg a day

Valerian root is good, but sometimes can make you sleepy.

St. John's Wort is good.

Lavender and Passionflower are very good too. You can get them in pill form, in teas, or in a concentrated liquid form. (infusion oils) I rub the lavender oil on pressure points (just a dab of it and it's a nice perfume too, lol) You can also put it in your bath, or I've actually added a few drops into my humidifier. I've also put it in a vapourizer, and put a towel over my head and just breathed it in. It's really calming.

Even the lavender scented candles seem to help some, as long as they are combined with the other things. You might want to check into Aromatherapy too. They usually have some pretty good hand outs at the health food stores too. They usually send you home with a ton of info.

There is also a product called Pure Calm. It has a combination of things, and I'm sure there are others that combine all of these things that I mentioned, and more.

I'm actually glad you asked this question. It reminded me of the things I used to do, and for some reason put it aside, and I've been getting really stressed and my anxiety and panic attacks are rearing their ugly head again. I'll be taking a trip to the health food store myself! Lol!

Good luck, and let me know how it works for you. Maybe you'll find something that I haven't found, and we can compare notes! ;)

Choux · Nov 1, 2008, 12:44 PM

It is always a good idea to have a well rounded life... participate in sports, have hobbies, exercise, do altruistic work, have a project, an intellectual endeavor... we are what we *do* and we find it easy to engage n conversation the more we know about and participate in.

It is never too late to add activities, fun activities to one's life.

Bet wishes to you, :)

starbuck8 · Nov 1, 2008, 01:12 PM

Although I agree somewhat Choux, unless you have experienced this, you really have to go through it to know. It's is a disorder of an unbalanced brain. There still seems to be such a stigma attached to that. Your brain is obviously what controls your whole body, and it isn't as easy as just exercising or snapping out of it. Say for instance you have a broken arm. Well you wouldn't tell someone to exercise it, and it will get better. It may help once it's somewhat healed, but it isn't going to help while it's still broken.

So my point is, that you need to put the frontal part of your brain in an imaginary "cast", and let it get back to where it should be. Other activities can be done in conjunction, but it doesn't solve the problem, without a bit of intervention and treatment.

Once the brain is balanced again, then by all means, start to do things that will help the disorder, like exercise and all of the great things that keep the blood flowing and the brain in a stable state, while still taking either prescribed meds, or a natural/homeopathic therapy.

NikonKG · Nov 4, 2008, 02:52 PM

I also suffer from social anxiety and shyness like you. One of the hardest things for me is concentrating on what people are saying like you describe. I tend to become over self-conscious and I worry about everything.

There is a book called overcoming social anxiety by Gillian Butler which may be useful to you. It will help you understand what social anxiety is and what causes it, as well as offer advice as to how to tackle it. It is mostly based on cbt techniques which are concerned with the way you think.For example, one exercise is to try to focus your attention outwards and concentrating on what is going on around you. This is difficult and of course it takes practice.

There are also social anxiety classes which are based on this book here in London. I don't know if you live in the UK?

Also, you may find this website useful: Social Anxiety UK
(I don't know if the moderators allow us to promote other sites?). It is a social anxiety community and may provide more information for you.

In response to the above posts, I think the point choux was trying to make was valid in that one of the best things you can do is try to find activities/ hobbies which take your mind off it. I say this as a fellow sufferer. For example when I meet people who have similar interests to me I still find it difficult but at least it is not awkward not having anything to talk about. There is also a direct relation between social anxiety and depression and the two can feed each other. So try to be positive in life and this can sometimes help social anxiety too.

Herbal remedies also sound good. I have'nt tried any myself so I can't advise but they are definitely worth a try!

Good luck and I hope this helps.
Good luck.

BlackVY · Nov 4, 2008, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by starbuck8

There are many of them Katahkitten. But I'll give you some of the ones that helped me out a bit.

Make sure you take a B-complex vitamin

Niacinamide (not Niacin) works very well. 500mg-2000mg a day

Valerian root is good, but sometimes can make you sleepy.

St. John's Wort is good.

Lavender and Passionflower are very good too. You can get them in pill form, in teas, or in a concentrated liquid form. (infusion oils) I rub the lavender oil on pressure points (just a dab of it and it's a nice perfume too, lol) You can also put it in your bath, or I've actually added a few drops into my humidifier. I've also put it in a vapourizer, and put a towel over my head and just breathed it in. It's really calming.

Even the lavender scented candles seem to help some, as long as they are combined with the other things. You might want to check into Aromatherapy too. They usually have some pretty good hand outs at the health food stores too. They usually send you home with a ton of info.

There is also a product called Pure Calm. It has a combination of things, and I'm sure there are others that combine all of these things that I mentioned, and more.

I'm actually glad you asked this question. It reminded me of the things I used to do, and for some reason put it aside, and I've been getting really stressed and my anxiety and panic attacks are rearing their ugly head again. I'll be taking a trip to the health food store myself! lol!

Good luck, and let me know how it works for you. Maybe you'll find something that I haven't found, and we can compare notes! ;)

Be careful with Valerian root, it is known to give really weird and freaky nightmares... both my girlfriend and her mum have tried it and my girlfriend works in a health food shop and says a lot of people say they had weird dreams after having Valerian root, so be careful with that.

yoga-getshape · Nov 6, 2008, 03:52 AM

What about yoga and deep breathing techniques? Did you try them? They are great to build your self-confidence and gain more energy in life.. they keep you in a positive mindset, which is so important in today's life..

By the way, I have a good free yoga e-course where you will find many useful exercises to boost your confidence and build your mind/body harmony: yoga relaxation, yoga exercises to get in shape fast

wannatruth · Nov 6, 2008, 04:16 AM

Hi... I agree with choux that it is always good to be busy and increasing your knowlegde... also I agree with others that you might know better what your brain is thinking, feeling and doing... but do give a thought to what others' brain is doing, may be it can help...

I will try to explain... as you said that you are shy and let others speak and without listening to them much, keep on thinking that what you are going to say next... now I am the other type that who speaks a lot and at times feel that I don't even let the other person speak:D... so the point is that even those who speak a lot might think the same way that... did we speak a lot? did I hurt somebody with my chatter? What they might be thinking about me being a chatterbox?. see again I am speaking a lottt without coming to point:D... so just try to being confident and don't think that others are observing you or giving full attention to what you say.. or they will keep on thinking or remembering what you said... this way you will be relaxed and just try to be your real self speaking whatever comes to your mind (on the spot)... no harm in using any bands or likestuff if they work 4you... ;)... hope I was not funny in helping you... :)
All the best...

kraussnumber2 · Nov 11, 2008, 09:44 PM

I totally know what you are talking about! I have the same issues. I will sit there and think about how I am going to respond and then anticipate what they will say to that so I can figure out what I will say to that! It gets complicated and frustrating cause like you say you can't be yourself. There are only a few people who I can be totally real with. My husband gets frustrated with me cause it affects me so much. I usually won't even call a business even to order pizza. Im not sure what I am so scared of! Do you feel like they are judging you while you are talking? I do. Im not really sure what will help you overcome it. I guess just try to put yourself out there a little bit more everyday... eventually you will make friends and see that it isn't so scary. This has made me get a little bit better. Hope it helps you cause it is kind of a lonely life huh?

kraussnumber2 · Nov 11, 2008, 09:45 PM

Ps... just remember that chances are they are just as scared to talk to you as you are to talk to them. That is how I get through it when I am really scared... even if it isn't true. Kind of like picturing the audience in their underwear!