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sadgirl15 · Nov 10, 2008, 11:54 PM

I don't even really know how to use this thing. But I stumbled upon this and figured why not. My boyfriend (or ex I should say now) and I have been a little on and off for over a year now. It feels like I have been with him forever.. But he recently moved out of the city we used to live in together back to his hometown city where all of his friends are... and ex gfs >:(. I broke up with him in July for 2 months because I was getting sick of the way he would treat me. Constantly fighting with me and being controlling. But after 2 months I went back to him. Maybe it was the fact that he had been seeing his ex from the WAYY past again. And I didn't want to lose him... Anyway. He was begging for me and was depressed over me more than I have ever seen in him ever. So we got back together and it's been 2 months that we have been going back together. 2 weeks ago we got into a big fight where I had kicked him (not even that hard) and he shoved me back. He's got huge muscles so it was very forceful and it hurt me.. and then at the end of it I had to say sorry because "I hit him first" but he shouldn't have touched me in the first place. Am I right? Anyway ever since it has been weird and I have been feeling like he was cheating on me. So I saw him a week later and it was really different. He kissed differently and he didn't seem as affectionate as he was before with me. And that same day he told me he didn't feel like hanging out with me because I put him under too much stress. The funny thing? I was his girlfriend at the time. Why WOULDN'T a boyfriend want to be with the girl he supposedly "loves"... hmm I don't understand it ONE BIT. But the next day he had told me his feelings had changed from what he used to feel about me. Bawling my eyes out I yelled at him for how he did it and how he had been treating me the previous week, he ended up breaking up with me. He said "Lets be like BEST FRIENDS"... so I gave him the space he wanted. He then said he missed me and admitted that he wants me MORE when we are NOT together. But for some reason when we're a couple I annoy him? Does he want to have his cake and eat it too? Or Am I missing something else? What should I do?. :(

kctiger · Nov 11, 2008, 07:26 AM

Typical disfunctional realitionship. I would move on. Cut him out of your life and work on yourself. You guys have had more bad times than good times, and that is NEVER an equation for a healthy relationship. You guys do not appear to be happy when you are together, and he only wants you when he doesn't have you. That is a typical answer... that means you cannot be together because he isn't happy unless he feels like he can't have you. Just too much drama, get out of it. This isn't a movie. Focus on yourself and leave the d-bag behind.

Romefalls19 · Nov 11, 2008, 07:29 AM

Got to spread the rep KC, but you are exactly right. If a relationship is causing this many problems to stay together, then it obviously isn't worth it. Why do you want to spend all your time trying to fix things when you should be out enjoying your life

vicariousgirl · Nov 11, 2008, 07:40 AM

If a relationship has to be worked out, it has to be done by both people and in your case, it seems he just doesn't want 2 do it.. so he isn't worth all d trouble!

Even if you ignore everything else, d fact that he doesn't treat you rite should be enuff for u 2 opt out.

kctiger · Nov 11, 2008, 07:42 AM

Let me also point out that if you work extremely hard at TRYING to make a relationship work, it will leave you emotionally drained WHEN it does end, because 9 times out of 10, it will. You should not have to try that hard to make things work... and sometimes love just isn't enough. The harder you try to make this work, the harder you will fall... trust me.

talaniman · Nov 11, 2008, 08:16 AM

I had kicked him (not even that hard) and he shoved me back.

Red Flag!

But he shouldn't have touched me in the first place. Am I right

You should have touched him in the first place, another red flag

Does he want to have his cake and eat it too? Or Am I missing something else? What should I do?. :(

Sorry your wrong on every count.

You shouldn't have kicked him. He reacted, maybe from self defense, I don't know but either way a very bad sign, as it only takes a second for things to get out of hand. Not good!

You are missing something here, your behavior, that's not good!

As for having his cake, and eating it to!

Doesn't sound like that's the case, as he seemed to tell you very straight, he has no feelings for you, and wants out. So do you, but you keep ignoring yourself, and the fact that there is nothing there when your together. Old feelings you both had, are confusing you when your apart, but if you leave each other alone, even that will fade with time.

That's what you should do, take the facts in front of you, and let go, and leave each other alone.