[nutcaselucy]

I am a 46 year old woman who was adopted as a baby. I have been looking for my birth mother for a few years now. I was wondering if I will ever find her.

[nutcaselucy]

Will I ever find my birth mother

[nutcaselucy]

Is she still alive

[nutcaselucy]

Will I meet her if she is still alive

[Fr_Chuck]

Who knows? What is her name, how much do you know about her. Have you found your birth father, if so what info can he give.

What was her maiden last name and where was she from ( area)

What is her @ age

But women are harder to find than men, since they marry and/or remarry and change last names.

[nutcaselucy]

I believe her last name is Miller,cause that is what my birth last name was. I know she was 30 years old when I was born. She named me Margurite Ann Miller. She had never been pregnant prior to me . I was born in Syracuse NY, but I don't know if that is where she is really from. I know nothing about my birth father

[Synnen]

Have you left letters with the adoption agency and thecourthouse in the county you were born in case your birthmother is trying to contact you? How about posting on websites that offer reunion services, like ISRR and adoption.com and adoption.org?

[nutcaselucy]

I have already done all that. And have not heard a thing. If she was looking for me I would know.

[Synnen]

If you have done all of that and not heard from her, you may be extremely limited in options.

Those options were the free/cheap options. Your next REAL option may be to contact a private investigator.

Of course, the other side of that is that she may not want to reunite. I know several older birthmoms that feel like they made a choice, they lived with that choice, and have moved on with their lives. In many cases, no one outside of their immediate family ever knew they were pregnant or gave birth. They may have married, had other children, and perhaps grandchildren---with NONE of those people ever knowing that she had a child previously and gave the child up for adoption. She may feel that it would be extremely disruptive to her life to search or reunite with you.

The attitude toward adoption prior to the late 80s was VERY different than it is now. Before that, it was generally a deep dark secret that no one knew about, or if they knew the secret, they didn't TALK about it.

Is there any particular reason you feel the need to reunite? Have you spoken with a counselor about this?

[nutcaselucy]

It's not that I really need to meet her. I would like to know my family heath history.
And maybe have a picture of her. Unless your adopted it is hard to explaine the need to know where you come from, Who you look like. I have already hired a private company to look for her and they came up with nothing and I was out $ 1,200.00 bucks. My life can go on without knowing about her, but it would be nice if I did.

[Synnen]

I'm a birthmother, but from the newer era of open adoptions.

While I can't personally understand the need that some adoptees feel to know their biological history, I do understand the feelings of missing something that sometimes comes with adoption.

I wish you luck in your search.