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mistyevansville · Nov 7, 2008, 09:37 AM

My name is Misty I live in Indiana, and my question is If my daughters father came into her life when she was six, let the state without informing me or the courts, pays child support because its garnished now, but is gone for 3 1/2 -4 years and now thinks he can take me to court for visitations. What can I do to get him not to see her when times he requested are by the child visitation guidelines. Plus my child doent feel comfortable around him she don't really know him.

stinawords · Nov 7, 2008, 09:41 AM

You can't stop it unless you can prove he is a danger to the child. You show up in court an give your reasons visitation should be supervised vs. just him and her and the judge will make his/her ruling. The judge is most likely to order a graduated visitation schedule meaning starting with supervised visits for about six months then if that goes well he gets alone visitation for a few hours a week for another six months to maybe a year then weekend visitation after that. That way the child will know her father by the time she is alone with him.

mistyevansville · Nov 7, 2008, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

You can't stop it unless you can prove he is a danger to the child. You show up in court an give your reasons why visitation should be supervised vs. just him and her and the judge will make his/her ruling. The judge is most likely to order a graduated visitation schedule meaning starting with supervised visits for about six months then if that goes well he gets alone visitation for a few hours a week for another six months to maybe a year then weekend visitation after that. That way the child will know her father by the time she is alone with him.

Thank you for that info. I have been beside myself trying to come up with some ways to address this situatuion. I don't want to keep him out of her life cause he has shown her enough that he's worthless. But I just want to say Thanks again.

ibelieveinu · Nov 7, 2008, 09:54 AM

My parents divorced when I was 3. If my dad ever came back around asking for visitation and my mother tried to stop it or deny him, I probably would have resented her for the rest of my life. If he has a desire to visit with his child, and he poses no danger to the child, I would encourage it. The children do not determine visitation, the courts do. It's what is best for your daughter. Yes, your probably involved with someone else now, and his request to visit with his child poses a real inconvenience, but nonetheless, it is his child, he pays support and he has the right to get to know her and be there for her. Yes, better late than never.

mistyevansville · Nov 7, 2008, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by ibelieveinu

My parents divorced when I was 3. If my dad ever came back around asking for visitation and my mother tried to stop it or deny him, I probably would have resented her for the rest of my life. If he has a desire to visit with his child, and he poses no danger to the child, I would encourage it. The children do not determine visitation, the courts do. It's what is best for your daughter. Yes, your probably involved with someone else now, and his request to visit with his child poses a real inconvenience, but nonetheless, it is his child, he pays support and he has the right to get to know her and be there for her. Yes, better late than never.

ibelieveinu, Thanks for that my children are no inconvience for me what's so ever even if I am involved, with someone else, because my children come first. Its not because he pays his support he had that chance to be a part of her life and he walked out on her. Causing my daughter to have ulcers from worring so much, She didn't know what had happened. She thought he went to Iraq, but he didn't he moved to Flordia to be with his niece, sexually. He sisint care one way about his daughter. NO phone calls no letters nothing until tax time he called and wanted to know how to spell her name and to get her SS #. That's why Im so angry. He caused my child to be ill for several months and then It went to what did she do for dad to leave her and never call her, or send a letter or anything. What would you do.

ibelieveinu · Nov 7, 2008, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by mistyevansville

ibelieveinu, Thanks for that my children are no inconvience for me whats so ever even if I am involved, with someone else, because my children come first. Its not because he pays his support he had that chance to be a part of her life and he walked out on her. Causing my daughter to have ulcers from worring so much, She didint know what had happened. She thought he went to Iraq, but he didnt he moved to Flordia to be with his niece, sexually. He sisint care one way about his daughter. NO phone calls no letters nothing untill tax time he called and wanted to know how to spell her name and to get her SS #. Thats why Im so angry. He caused my child to be ill for several months and then It went to what did she do for dad to leave her and never call her, or send a letter or anything. What would you do.

That is all in the past... let it go. Seriously.

He has the desire to visit with her NOW. My advice would be the same... encourage it. If she was getting ill she obviously had strong feelings for him. I understand the once bitten, twice shy, but it may be time to find a new direction for the better of all.

You have to love your child more than you hate your ex. It's just that simple. She needs you to be the adult. She will thank you later in life... trust me, she will.