[Dragon620026]

I just got out of a break up about 2 weeks ago or so. I have gotten better and I'm not depressed. However, I did lose a bit of trust with guys and relationships. After my last break up I realized that I have not been single for 7 years and with this last guy, I had just had enough.

I want to be single and not have to worry about a guy hurting me. I'm not saying that I won't date again I just need some time to myself where there isn't the possibility of feeling that heartbreak again. I didn't have a problem with being single since it's what I wanted.

However, my ex boyfriend, which also happens to be the my first boyfriend, wants to hang out and give him a chance and just see where things go.

We dated for about 2 years or so then he broke up with me. It was hard but I moved on and met guys. I remember that back in the day I would have loved nothing more than to be with my first boyfriend but after experiencing how different guys treat me I have found better than what my first boyfriend offered to me. In other words, what was enough for me back then no longer is.

Meanwhile, he has been with other girls yet we have always kept contact and it's weird because I would always decided not to talk to him anymore but somehow he always comes back into my life. Still since I have been dating all this time he has been waiting for me for a couple years now. Now that I'm single he wants me to take a chance but I don't want to date and he doesn't want to be my friend. So it's either it leads to something more or he leaves my life. I really don't care if he does leave my life but it would be a shame since I don't like losing people.

How do I tell him no kindly and still keep him as a friend?

[jjwoodhull]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself for awhile. In fact, it is a healthy thing to do sometimes. If you get back together with a guy that you don't really want to be with, it would not be fair to you or him and it would just become a big mess down the road. Tell him that you are not interested in him as a boyfriend. Tell him that you've tried that in the past and that it obviously didn't work. Be firm and honest so that he does not hold on to false hope.

[Dragon620026]

I've tried to tell him that I want to be single and that I'm not interested but he just got angry and wants to get out of my life. I don't know if I should just let him barge out of it or try to work a friendship out. It just hurts me to see someone I have known for a long while just remove themselves from my life and I would rather try to keep in it. However, if from a third person perspective this doesn't seem like it would work out then I would be willing to accept the way things are.

[jjwoodhull]

If he is angry that you are trying to do what is best for yourself, then it is more proof that he is not the right person for you. I know it is hard to watch people leave your life, but that is part of growing up. People pass through our lives at certain times for certain reasons. Take with you what was good about knowing him.

And you never know, you may find your way back to a friendship with him over time.

[JBeaucaire]

He's reverse psycho on you, eh? You told him you want to be alone, so he threatens to leave you alone (angrily) and now you think you have to keep him from leaving you alone.

Man, you can't write this stuff better than that!

Tell him you'll call him next time "you and the gang" decide to do something together, and when you're ready. Until then, bugger off.

If he gives you crap about it, listen, when he's done... "OK, bye now."

[Fiona2003]

It sounds to me like you have matured, but there's no new growth in his cabbage patch.

I agree with the others, if your gut tells you stay single, stay single! I do it for at least half the length of the relationship I just came out of.

[friend4u178]

I've tried to tell him that I want to be single and that I'm not interested but he just got angry and wants to get out of my life. I don't know if I should just let him barge out of it or try to work a friendship out. It just hurts me to see someone I have known for a long while just remove themselves from my life and I would rather try to keep in it. However, if from a third person perspective this doesn't seem like it would work out then I would be willing to accept the way things are.

That's just selfish and immature to try to threaten you into getting back with him.

Tell him your not ready and you want to be by yourself at the moment because that's clearly what it sounds you want to do.

If he can't accept that it's his problem , not yours.

[Dragon620026]

Lol, you know what, you guys are right! Thank you so much for the advice. I'll make sure to not let him get to me. Besides, a real friend would want the best for me and putting himself ahead of me goes to show how much he really thinks about me as a friend and a person. If he can't be a good friend and wants to leave then you guys are right, he can leave. Who needs that type of friend and pressure. Kudos to everyone and thanks again! ^-^v

[starbuck8]

Lol, you know what, you guys are right! Thank you so much for the advice. I'll make sure to not let him get to me. Besides, a real friend would want the best for me and putting himself ahead of me goes to show how much he really thinks about me as a friend and a person. If he can't be a good friend and wants to leave then you guys are right, he can leave. Who needs that type of friend and pressure. Kudos to everyone and thanks again! ^-^v

Good call. I think you knew all along, you just wanted confirmation of what your gut was telling you. It sounds to me like it's his way, or the hwy! I wonder what other control, or bait and switch games he would pull out of his hat if you actually agreed to be with him? Real friends don't give friends ultimatums like that. Long term relationships are based upon a solid friendship, not used as a bargaining tool for one. Always trust your gut! Works every time. ;)

[talaniman]

Friends don't make threats, and ultimatums, to get what they want. Your not losing a real friend, but getting rid of a immature manipulator.

[Dragon620026]

Yep, I'll trust my gut. I never really thought about him being an immature manipulator, but you guys are right.