[castle1981]

Ok, this is my first time here and I've read A lot of the posts, this isn't usually my thing but I thought there's no harm in asking! Even though I am fully aware there is no miracle cure, I've learnt that opinions from outsiders are always helpful!

Here's the deal... I started seeing a guy when I was 21 (I'm now 27), he was 17 (is now 23). At the time I was coming out of a relationship and wasn't really that "into" him but he was so sweet and attentive that I thought he deserved something in return. Then 6 months later, my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour and that kind of took up all my time. I lost touch with all of my friends and concentrated solely on my family for the next 2 years. When I got back in the loop, through mutual friends, I learnt that this guy had continued to ask after me, despite the fact his texts, emails etc remained unanswered.

So, in short, due to technology (and facebook) we recently got back in touch. From the first conversation (txt) he brought up our history and how he had never got over me (even though he was in a relationship). I would never have brought it up but we met for a drink, then later a chat and then over the course of a week, more chats. I need to say that I'm not some stupid home-wrecking girl, out for what I can get, but I have thought about him a lot over the last 12 months or so, thinking maybe he was the one that got away, so I was honest with him over that week and told him how I feel, to which he responded.

Then last week (2 weeks after we started talking again), things got "intimate", which never happened when we were first together, mainly because I wasn't really interested in him enough to take it that far and because he (says) didn't want to push things in case he messed up our relationship, taking me too far too quickly etc...

Anyway, since that night, he's been really distant. Since we started talking, he would text me all day everyday, make up lame excuses to see me and then since last Friday, he says that he's really sorry he messed things up with me, that he has had the same feelings for 6 years but our situations have changed?? But they haven't changed in the last 2 weeks? He knew what our situations were when he brought up the subject of our history?

My question, anyway, is this... is it that that one night didn't live up to expectation and all those feelings he said he had have just disappeared because of it? I've been playing it cool, haven't text first, declined a night out with him and a mutual friend, told him to leave me alone for a coupla weeks whilst I get over him since he appears to already be over it etc and he seems fine with it?

Again, I need to re-iterate... I'm not some silly little girl that falls in love at the drop of a hat but I guess I thought of him in the same way... the one that got away... and just wondered if there is anyway of undoing the damage created in one night or does the fact that one night appears to have killed all his feelings for me mean they were never real in the first place?

Thanks for reading :o)

[friend4u178]

Hi Castle1981

It sounds to me like after meeting up with you he just didn't have the same feelings for you that he used to.

By being distant he may just be hoping not to hurt your feelings by just coming straight out with it.

I would just play it cool and see if he contacts you in the near future. If you push him he will just pull away more and become more distant.

No point losing your dignity over something that may just not be right for either of you.

Good Luck!

[castle1981]

Thanks... I kind of thought that was the case as lets face it, most people take the easy option and don't say anything directly in case of hurting the others feelings... I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else! Thanks again xx

[friend4u178]

That's fine , just my take on it but I could be wrong :)

Someone else may come along with a different take on it.

[NallaNeedsYou]

To answer you question 6 years of being with someone cannot go away after a night. After being with them for so long you still care about each other and when you see this person you feel a wide range of feelings from anger to hope. Your love doesn't go away it just changes. If he just wanted to get intimate with you after seeing you for a week I wasn't feeling love at all, he felt lust. Someone who doesn't care for your feelings and abuses your soft spot for him is not someone who needs to concern you. Go out and enjoy yourself! Do things you enjoy doing and then you will find someone who is compatible. Good luck

[talaniman]

You both scratched an old itch, and that's done, and over.

Leave it alone, and have no guilt or regret, and get on with what your doing, and let him do the same.

You didn't care enough then, I doubt if you do now, so don't try and force something that just ain't there.

[TrueFaith]

I agree leave it alone.
As tal said you didn't care that much then

So why now? Don't force anything on yourself
As it will just hurt you and him.

Move on with your life