[heartache]

I have been trying unsuccessfully to make up to my daughter or re-establish a relationship. I came where she lives almost 4 years ago after not hearing from her for 4 years. She ran away from home @13 and I don't blame her. My mom had died and I had been a drunk and used drugs and went through some bad relationships for a long time. I think about 6 years of her life. Before that I was the best mom a picture book could offer and since then. She called when she got pregnant and wanted me to move here and am was sober now and gave my life to Christ. I have always had to compete with her dad as he has money and I do not. I am only called when she wants something and degraded the rest of the time. If I speak back to her then I don't get to see my grand daughter or my character gets slashed to anyone who I might have been introduced to by her when she was trying to look like the loving daughter with a horrible mother. I care for my elderly dad and O cared for my daughter and her baby's dad, friends (both lesbian and straight) and I have been made to be the woman who through her out since I got married. I did put her out but it was because she was not working (wouldn't) and she was bringing her new lover to our house to sleep with her while we were working. I took dare of her for almost 2 years of me moving back here meanwhile she and whoever wouldn't do anything. Now she uses any guilt weapon of my past, or my grand daughter, or her dad (whom she lives with now again) (he gloates and feeds the "she's a no good mom" fire). I feel so completely heart broken. It seems as though I have no one. My husband is always busy and his family aren't the warmest people. My dad and my husband have bonded and I am just the houskeeper who does nothing but go to school. I feel like I just want to leave them all but I can't. What am I doing wrong? I don't want to be like "poor me" but I don't want to be a doormat either and I am afraid of the reprocautions of them all. They can all be very vendictive.

[chocolat_hitman]

You have given your life to Christ. You should also bring all your troubles to him. Live your life like the Bible instructs you to. Find a good church to be a part of. Start ministering the success of Jesus in your life. Focus on what He has done for you, not what people are trying to do to you. Help others. Volunteer. Spread the gospel. Love. Wake up every morning in prayer. No matter what they do--Love them as Christ has loved you. Hard, I know, but just think of the love the Jesus had for you when he was tortured like a heinous criminal and hung on that Cross to die for your sins. Chose to love them everyday and make it a point to live your for christ. That means exemplifying love for Christ and his people.
Find a place to serve in His Kingdom and take up his cause.

[homebirthmom]

I think Chocolate_hitman's response is a good one. I do think you need to start maybe a little lower on the totem pole so-to-speak. If you aren't part of a Church, this may be your first step... if you are part of one... talk to priest about your problems. That is one of the things they do, is counceling. I think you might find that this will be helpful.