[oxyloron]

In navigating to this site, my emotions are belittled.

How do I escape who I am?

Who I am and who I pretend to be are so far from the other. It's a sickening feeling when you can feel your ribs crack and heart break. I can see who I can become, but don't believe in myself. I'm not worth a . I hate the people around me, staring with their vacant sheep eyes.

They say how are you not happy?
Worried
Anxious
Eyes darting
Spine twitching
SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT WITH MY MIND
But you would never know looking at me. I'm too thin. I'm too smart. I'm too beautiful.
If you crawled into my brain you would kill yourself.

If they didn't need me, id kill myself too.

[mdh111688]

First, you have a beautiful talent expressing yourself with words. I feel the same way myself. I walk around with a mask on all the time. I have lived my life as others have wished to the point I don't know who I am.

This has been a very long journey for me and I am only at the start. Have you tried finding someone close to you that you could share your thoughts and feelings with? If you're like me, you might not trust anyone enough to speak candidly with them. In that case, I have found that therapy is very helpful. Your therapist is someone you can speak with about anything and everything without fear of judgment. It takes time, and I am still in a place I don't want to be, but the light is there.

[Clough]

Hi, oxyloron!

Yes, you do have a way with words! Would you like to write a song and have it put to music? I can show you how to do that. Doing so might make you feel better!

Thanks!

[oxyloron]

thank you, random internet users. I really don't know how to take a compliment, it makes me feel a strange sort of feeling.

I have tried to get close to my boyfriend, and I've become codependant on him. Him being a substance abuser, I'm not a priority in his life