[411Help]

Hi, my name is 411Help and I'm stuck in a peculiar situation. I'm sixteen years old and I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year. There were typical fights here and there but we always resolved them in a respective and mature manner. Lately, she has been acting "odd" and what I mean by odd is that she's not the same girl I fell in love with.. . Very distant, attitude, and overall acting very differently. Her actions are starting to get less and less tolerable. (Yes we've talked about this countless times) I've asked her to change multiple times. Please, help 411Help, thanks in advance AMHD :).

[homebirthmom]

It is not uncommon for young couples to simply grow apart. Perhaps instead of asking her to change, you two should be talking about what you both want out of the relationship and life in general.

[411Help]

We've talked about it multiple times

[chuff]

I'd quit talking to her, and start pulling back from her. If you tell her your going to call her at 9:00 call her at 9:15 and make it short and you end the call. If she tells you to call at a certain time, don't. She's pulling away, so you need to pull away as well. Talking about it is fine, but that's just leading you in circles, so do something about it, she pulls away so you pull away.

[411Help]

As always, great advice, Chuff. But, wouldn't that push us further apart?

[chuff]

You are looking at that logically, and logically speaking yes it would. She is a woman so she is emotional, and emotionally speaking when she backs off she's going to see if you are going to back off or follow her. If she retreats emotionally back far enough you'll be doing everything she asks and have no backbone to show for it.

Women need a challenge, some tension to keep the relationship interesting, and if you go in emotionally when she backs up she's pulling you in. In reality what you have to do is back up yourself, keeping the emotional tension between you. When I say tension I don't mean tension in the sense of anger, but in the sense of healthy emotional tension between you two. If you were playing tug of war, and she pulled back emotionally, and you followed her in you lose. But if she pulls back, then you pull back the rope has tension.

For her there is no more challenge, nothing more for her to do in the relationship to prove because you do everything at this point so she's gotten bored. That's why I suggest you don't do what she says, make her wait when you tell her your going to call, so she has something to look forward to.

[411Help]

Oh OK, I get it. I'm kind of stuck in a NEW situation "-_-". Through anger and frustration I called her 20 minutes ago and asked her if she can meet me so we can talk. I was ultimately going to end it right there. But, she's not allowed out, so I told her that I would just talk to her about it at school.

[TrueFaith]

I would distance yourself form her as well.
Normaly when they act like that
Something is wrong
And they are just waiting for a way out.

Good luck

[chuff]

Dude, your already in a bad way, she's blowing you off and ignoring you and you want to talk about your feelings. You keep wanting to talk about it, and she keeps thinking "what guy wants to talk about his feelings so much." You have to start manning up and say what you mean. If you are going to dump her, and you say well I'll hold off until tomorrow to talk about it, she just thinks that weak behavior. Not the act of dumping her, but the behavior is a problem, because women want a leader and this is behavior that waits on her feedback and approval. Now I'm not saying to listen to her if she voices a concern but I am saying you are kind of acting like a woman in the sense she can talk about her feelings with the other girls, she wants a man to be a man with. If you want to talk feelings then let her bring it up. She knows the relationship is on the rocks, so it's not going to be a surprise that you end it, in fact she's probably wondering why you haven't yet.

[411Help]

The only reason I said I'll talk to you about it tomorrow is because I don't want to break up with her over the phone.

[chuff]

The only reason I said I'll talk to you about it tomorrow is because I don't want to break up with her over the phone.

Actually I agree with that. It's always good to go the high road in a bad situation and doing it over the phone is not good if you can do it in person.

[411Help]

Chuff, I'm in a sticky situation, Should I break up with her? And, if not, what would I tell her when I see her in school. I know I've made my mistakes, now I need the right direction to fix them.

[TrueFaith]

I would tell her that

Look I have noticed that you have been acting distant with me.
And I'm not one to beat around the bush
So if there is a problem with us.. I would really like to know now. So I'm not waisting my time or your time.

Then I would tell her that your not having fun in this relationship and I would leave.
Because it looks to me like she is going to break up with you sooner or later

I mean you asked her to change she has not.
I would leave her

[411Help]

Hm, I've already talked to her about it. So are you saying if she's not going to change I should leave?

[talaniman]

Generally, when the fun is gone, its usually over, you just haven't made it official.