[FireLitSky]

Hey all. I just stumpled across this site while looking for an answer. An answer I think someone on here might be able to give me. Here is my situation:

I was going out with this girl for four months. Things were always great. I really felt like we both were simply in love with each other. Toward the end of the fourth month - she started acting really weird, like she was being sneaky about something. I'm not going to get into it fully because its so long. But basically, she wasn't treating me right. I deserved better. So I ended the relationship. I didn't want the relationship to end at all, but I just knew in my head I deserved to be treated better, so I ended it slightly unwillingly? I'm not sure the exact way to put it...

Over the course of the days after the break up, she would call me here and there - and I was willing to talk over our problems and possibly work things together. She wasn't really showing a desire to do that. Then about a week later, she gets back together with her ex-boyfriend. What happened with them is she met me when she was with him, but she was doing the same things she was doing to me (towards the end of our relationship) to him - with me. I hope that makes sense! He didn't end the relationship though, he just tried keeping her on lock down and controlling who she talked to - and this made her run even further away from him, and closer to me - eventually she broke up with him and went out with me. The difference between me and him, is that when she started doing the same things to me that ended their relationship - I didn't chase her. I just ended it because I knew I had to. She wasn't familiar with this at all I guess. She's just used to guys chasing her, etc. So like a week after we break up she gets right back together with her ex-boyfriend. On her myspace she puts (... is in love) etc. How can you immediately love someone else? Even though she is with him, she still calls me all the time. Asking me how I am, being SLIGHTLY flirtatious... and at this point - I just don't know what to do.

If anyone actually sat down and read all of the above I applaud you! And I am very grateful. If any expert out there has any advice - please send it my way! Thank you so much! I just really need an answer or to be at least pointed in the right direction.

-Fire.Lit.Sky.

[FireLitSky]

Anyone have any ideas? Any help is greatly appreciated!

-FireLitSky

[TrueFaith]

Hello there Welcome :)

your not going to like what I am about to say

you know what's going on. Deep down you can feel it

She lost her feelings for you ( I doubt she had any). And after just 4 months. That's the easy stage.
your feelings sadly have stayed the same

but think about it. She goes back to her X and she is sneaky.
my friend.. why would you want to be with someone like that.
Be thanful you got out of there. She sounds way to selfish to be in a relationship with!

Move on my friend to better and brighter things! A more grown up women

Keep busy and keep your mind off her
it will be tought
but you can do it

[FireLitSky]

I appreciate the advice. I just don't know how she lost feelings for me if she still calls me all the time. She called me earlier today on her break at work. Out of the thousands of times she has called me on her break at work her works phone number always comes up. But now she's using the whole "unknown number" thing to make sure I pick up. She ended the conversation with "I can call you later if you want....catch up" - saying it really flirtatiously.

You sure she lost feelings?

Thanks again,

Fire.Lit.Sky.

[JBeaucaire]

The "how can I love someone so quickly" question has no simple answer, it's just one of those truths you have to learn to face and keep in perspective. In fact, it's the fact that we CAN love so automatically that builds families... we are genetically predisposed to want to be together.

But, since love is out of our control (and it is), it has to be viewed at arm's length every now and then to make sure we're not being stupid. Love/attraction motivates you to connect with someone. Then all the OTHER STUFF has to come together to make the connection work.

Too many people believe in the "love is all that matters" Hollywoodism and that leads to so much added frustration.

Anyway, lecture over. You were smart in this. You spotted her unhealthiness and moved along smoothly. Well done.

Now comes the doubts and the "what ifs" and the "did I do the right thing" self-analysis and this is where you can hurt yourself unnecessarily. When examining your past relationships, don't focus on your girl, but on yourself. What did you learn about YOU during this relationship that was good? What did you do RIGHT? Hold on to those things, even the things that relate to ending of the relationship.

Now, as for the things you did wrong, those should be noted and not repeated in your next relationship(s). They should NOT be used to second guess whether you should go running back. The answer is always no.

So, eyes forward, my friend.

[talaniman]

If she had feelings for you, they have changed. I doubt she had those kinds of feelings any way, as she is more into getting attention and getting her way. That ain't love, I don't care how good you thought things were.

Its time to stop all contact and disappear from her life all together and stop being a part of her confusion, and drama, and cheating ways (you have seen this for yourself) and keep your dignity and self respect.

Don't answer unknown calls, but if she does get you, polite, but busy, unavailable, short conversation, and uninterested, no matter what she has to say. She will eventually get it!

[Bural21]

From reading this, it sounds as if she is someone who truly isn't worth your time after all. I personally, wouldn't get back with my ex-boyfriend immediately and say I'm "in love" with them shortly there after. I'm sorry you had to deal with a girl like this. She does seem to be the kind that loves a chase. So, don't give it to her. And find a girl that treats you right and that you treat right in return. Good luck to you!

[rachelleturgez8]

You need to tell her its me or him and if she picks him then tell her to loss you # and move on with your life

[FireLitSky]

I really appreciate all this valuable advice. I guess its clear what I should do now. In the back of my mind I guess I knew it all along.

I really appreciate you guys devoting some time to my problem. Have a great day

-FireLitSky

[FireLitSky]

Hey all,

I'm coming back to you because I am in need of help. You can read my first post to get caught up a bit. Its been almost a month since I posted that,

And to be honest - things WE'RE going great. It was about 3 weeks since she last called me, and two days ago - she calls me asking how I am doing. Being really flirtatious. From her calling me, it spiked memory enough to stumble across her myspace.

Apparently she's getting married to this guy? So I am trying to figure out why she is calling me like this. I don't think she knows I know. And whenever I spoke with her, she didn't even mention him let alone her getting married to him.

She told me 4 of her friends just past away in a car wreck. And now I just found this out. I feel like she's crying out for my help. At this point I'm disgusted, and I don't think I'll ever be able to kiss this girl again. But that doesn't mean I don't still care about her. Should I help her get her life back on track (as friends) - or tell her to stop calling because she's not my responsibility?

Thank you so much for any advice you can give!

Fire.Lit.Sky.

[JBeaucaire]

Don't let compassion (which is a good thing) derail your healing process which is FAR from complete. She called you and you immediately start thinking about whether you can ever kiss her again or not... oh my. Not a good sign. Understand?

You know you're in no position to console her and keep your sanity. Don't take any more of her calls.

[FireLitSky]

Appreciate the advice.

I never put it in that perspective before.

Anyone else?

[talaniman]

Those phone calls from the blue always stir up those old feelings again, and get us riled up, and confused.

Save the confusion, and stay on the No Contact path. You are healing, and moving on, so keep it that way.

Let her future husband console her, or whatever.