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mzbebegirl · Oct 27, 2008, 12:08 AM

This may take a while for me to explain but please be patient, I really need advice on this. Let's start with my half-brother. I've lived with him my entire life (I`m nineteen) I also have two younger (whole) siblings. My family (parents and for the past 5 years, my half-brother) have abused alcohol on and off since a very young age. Alcohol is a very destructive drug. It's caused me pain watching and being put into the middle of alcohol related problems. It's very devastating how my parents don't see eye to eye with me on this. (My dad hasn`t abused alcohol for over 2 months now and my mom has done it once last month, always picking on me when she does, it`s like she hates me) Anyway...

Let's start with my half-brother. He just won't listen or learn. He's twenty-five and needs to grow up! It's like his only purpose in life is to drink. What kind of life is that? I'm tired of trying to help him. I've tried for 5 years and counting, I've had it! It's not an environment I want to live in any longer! He's never had a real job. He can't keep a job, because once he gets paid, he goes straight to the liquor store and drinks downstairs in his room (the furnace room, since I took over his room after I turned 15) and drinks by himself! (It`s getting pathetic) He only has a job because my dad (his step-father) helps him find a job within the company he works for (only because my mother nags my dad, argues even... I`ll get to her later). He can never keep these jobs. Like I said, once he gets paid, he`ll hide in his room, to drink by himself, for days even. He`ll even snoop around the house for money to buy himself liquor. Now, this has been going on for too long! He attacks me verbally and threatens to find a way for MY father to kick me out of the house my dad pays rent for (as if, he`s my father, not his!) I`m fed up with this behaviour from a ``grown man``.

Does anyone know how I can go about this situation. My parents don`t see eye to eye with me on this. My dad wants to kick him out but my mother nags my dad to keep him here, arguing that my father is the one ruining the family. Clearly my half-brother is. I think she`s only staying on his side because of... unconditional love, maybe.. Whatever the reason is, her attitude is just encouraging him to continue this disgusting lifestyle.

Can I go to the cops for help, or can I ask or even plead my father to go to the cops for help regardless of my mom blaming everyone except the real person to blame?

I can`t move out, I have a credit card bill to pay off (it`s high interest rate is killing me) and my seasonal job is ending, I attend school still.. Unless I find a real job it is possible that I can move out around early next year. Is that the way to go, Please help!

Note: I do not abuse alcohol or any other substance. I don`t want my life to be as screwed up as my half-brothers.

Thank-you,
Teresa
:confused:

Fr_Chuck · Oct 27, 2008, 05:40 AM

You can not change him, he will have to want to change and to be honest as long as mom and dad are going to help him stay this way, he has no reasons to want to change.

So you have to decide what you want to do with your life, and work on it, if that means you need to move out, then work on moving out.

mzbebegirl · Oct 27, 2008, 05:35 PM

I was actually thinking about moving out. It's just going to be tough and a long and responsible process. It may even have me grow up a bit quicker. Unfair on some part but you made a very good point that he won't change if my parents continue to allow this sort of behavior.

Thank-you! I needed some common sense from someone, I appreciate it a lot :)

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2008, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by mzbebegirl

I have a credit card bill to pay off (it`s high interest rate is killing me)

Have you tried to wheel and deal with the credit card company for a lower interest rate? If your seasonal job is ending, how will you pay the credit card anyway? You didn't mention transportation and how far you live from civilization. How easy would it be to get another job or even two part-time ones?

Choux · Oct 28, 2008, 10:44 AM

You don't have to have relationships with alcoholics... that is emotional suicide. I recommend that you break away from being emotionally involved with their nonsense immediately, and devote yourenergy to getting yourself straightened out. Contact with alcoholics makes non-alcoholics a little off keel.

Get yourself to a 12 Step Program for young people. You can get a referral from a local clergyman. That will help you so much... to get on the right track in life. Adult Children of Alcoholics is a good group. :)

mzbebegirl · Oct 28, 2008, 08:28 PM

These are brilliant answers! Some of the things you guys are mentioning, I never would have thought of. I have absolutely no experience in this world yet. I appreciate it very much! I don't know if I should be answering in my question when it's not really an answer and it's just a thank-you comment! But I didn't want to be rude, you guys are awesome, thanks!

TLGlasvegas · Oct 31, 2008, 10:05 AM

Stop ing about your brother and get out and start living your own life. You need to go to Al-anon first of all. You need to pack your and GO! No excuses! GO! Either go or keep living like you are and shut up! We are responsible for our own environment. I know this because I've been there & done that! Sorry to sound so harsh but it's what you need. No "poor poor you's" here! Only because I've seen this too many times. When you fall down don't you get up & brush the dirt off and move on? Well, do it! Go, that's your only honest answer!

Good Luck

plonak · Oct 31, 2008, 10:36 AM

Ok so I haven't read all the posts here so if I repeat anything please forgive..

Ok so you have been majorly affected by more than one alcoholic.. you NEED to go to Al-anon... Do you know what that is?

Al-anon is a group of people who get togther who have been affected by an alcoholic in any way.. it's like a support group.. you go and talk(if you want to talk) or listen to people and hear their stories, and you will probably relate to a lot of them.. believe me, it's the biggest relief you will ever feel.. Work the 12 steps and move forward..

I'm going to al-anon and I learned that alcoholism is a disease and that person doesn't have to be the center focus of your life.. you can detach your feelings with love.. you don't have to be in pain anymore..

Please try at least one meeting and see how it works.. they have meetings all over the place all the time.. just put al-anon in Google and do a search for your town.. good luck