[joshiesgirl]

Hi All

Here's my situation that I could use some advice/interpretation on. My boyfriend and I were dating 4 months. We had a great relationship. (Yes, he admits to this.) Lately we had been through a lot of stress in our own lives, which didn't make our life together much fun. We just started turning that corner from stress when he tells me.

He said he still loves and cares about me. He said that he needs space, which I know a lot of you out there will think is code for "I want nothing to do with you." But, he did say that he does not want to break that final thread because he is confused about a lot of other things and demands in his life and thus doesn't know that it's just me that he's confused about. He asked me if he took some space and wanted to come back, would I promise to take him back?

Now, see, I'm an optimist, and I actually have been through this before with a guy I dated for several years. He took his "space" and we used it as an opportunity to find friendship, which became the cornerstone of our relationship when we did get back together. We ultimately broke up mutally because we wanted a different future, but I do think this has a potential to work out, based on past experience and this guy's personality.

I admit, being that this just happened this week, I made some errors. I called him crying one day, and haven't been the strongest. (Bear in mind I told him to please not hate me over that fact because he knew that that might happen,and he assured me he wouldn't.) I left him a message yesterday to ask if we could just talk (because although he said he would, there hadn't been contact.) I asked if he could just find it inside himself to contact me in some way to talk, etc. (This had been after 2 very rough days; yes, I"m a girl, and no, I'm not perfect-I cry-we're all human) He texted me last night and said he would call me on Mon. or Tues. I can live with that. I now have a date in mind (which he knows works much better for me than this vagueness)

Now, I know some of you out there may think there's NO silver lining in this, that it is doomed and that's it. I'd like to hear from the optimists please. Reality will come if it needs to come, but right now I'd like to hear from people who have suggestions for when he does call-do we address this (the hurt feelings, my inability to back off the last couple of days?) or do we just try to say "This bad week happened, let's take it one step at a time." Remember, he DID say that HE didn't want to cut all strings, and asked me "Do you promise you would take me back if I wanted to come back?" I'd like to get guy opinions on this. What does that mean? That he doesn't want to cut all ties and wanted me to promise that?

Again, I know I'm a girl and so does he. He knows that I"m upset, that I may not handle this the best. He did seem genuinely understanding about this. I'm taking hour by hour, day by day-trying not to go crazy because I love him, and although some of you out there after reading this may not think he is-he's a great guy, and right now? You won't convince me otherwise.

I want the suggestions of hope. I want to see if there's anything that has meant anything in what he's said, and I want to see what I can do to make sure all ties are not cut.
Thanks...

[talaniman]

How old are you??

I'll be straight, if its serious enough to take a break, then its serious enough to break up.

I can understand some time to think, or work through an issue, but being vague is not happing, nor fair.

He expect you to sit, and wait, and wonder, while he does what exactly?? I don't think so, as without explanation, or clarifying why he needs time, his suggestion is dumb as dirt!!

Its fair to ask for details, and explanations, and if there are none that make sense, then tell him take all the time he needs, and you don't have time for his childish drama.

Sorry to be harsh, but why would you sit still for that kind of NONSENSE?

Don't you know, working together thru adversity, is what really makes a good, solid, healthy relationship?

Don't play games with your feelings, when you can get facts, and make a good decision for yourself, as to what you want to do, and won't do.

[joshiesgirl]

He has given me explanations, there's obviously more to the story than the details I'm presenting, but I do think you're right-some of my friends have said, "What is he thinking asking you to promise that?" but I do know what's on his mind to a certain degree.

[ZoeMarie]

I know you said you wanted to hear from the optimists, but this is my take on the situation. He said he didn't want to cut all threads... so basically he's just going to leave you hanging... this is selfish on his part. How long is he going to leave you hanging? I wouldn't want to sit and wait and wonder- like Tal said. It's just going to eat you up inside. If you guys don't get back together it's just going to take that much longer for you to heal.

[kitten420]

i know you said you wanted to hear from the optimists, but this is my take on the situation. He said he didn't want to cut all threads... So basically he's just going to leave you hanging... This is selfish on his part. How long is he going to leave you hanging? I wouldn't want to sit and wait and wonder- like tal said. It's just going to eat you up inside. If you guys don't get back together it's just going to take that much longer for you to heal.

Agrees

[kitten420]

Definitely agrees, a relationship is about working together and finding the source.
Not to run away from your problems. If he says he needs his space why don't he just go hang out with a friend or stay away for a couple days.
Maybe he really does need to go away and figure things out. In my opinion though when times get tough your supposed to be there for each other and work through it.
Maybe you need to have a talk about why your relationship is so stressful. I also have been in a relationship like this he broke up with and said he needed his space to think.
Well turns out he left me for another girl. AND now he is trying to get back with me (4 months later) I waited and it drove me crazy and then I ended up not caring anymore and Now I have a man in my life that is the best ting that ever happened to me.
OR Myabe he is just confused and he cares about you but he is just trying to figure things out. But I wouldn't sit around and wait for him.
And definitely if you keep calling him crying and talking about it its just going to stress him out even more. And it will eventually pull him farther and farther away from you.
I would say you tell him you need your time as well to think since he is leaving you. I wouldn't talk to him give him his space and let HIM miss you and then If he does miss you and he relizes he wants yo be with you. HE will call.