[dempewolf_lll]

The other night was our friends 27th b-day. He came over for a couple drinks then left. We were all going to catch up later that night at another friends house. A few hours later I asked my husband if he wanted to go, of course he said "NO". So I left for the party. We were all just hanging out talking, and the time passed. It got late and it ended up just being me and our other friend(a guy). Then my husband shows up completely pissed off, saying it was sooo wrong that we were hanging out together, and he should never hang out with me if he's not around. He didn't come over to hang out he came over just to check on me and be mad. So in the end I'm pretty sure that we lost a friend. My husband is still mad at me and I am sooo confused as to why... our (ex)friend and I had a strictly plutonic relationship! I am embarrassed and angry. Does my husband have any stand to do what he did? : confused:

[Romefalls19]

This is a very difficult issue, because I see both sides of this disagreement. Hanging out alone together, I wouldn't say he was wrong for being upset about it because I would be too especially when he was told it was a party. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did with your "friend" in the same place.

It's hard to say who is at fault, maybe your husband had a rough day and when he came and saw you alone with another guy it just added to it. It all depends on boundaries in the relationship.

[v1033]

If it is a purely plutonic relationship your husband is out of line. Would he act that way about a female friend? He needs to grow up.
If my husband got made at me every time I was alone with a man I'd be in serious trouble as most of my friends are male.
How embarrassing! I'm sure though that if the friendship with that guy is worth anything he'll forgive your husband.

[liz28]

His reaction was wrong and he should've address the issue privately with you in a civil matter. If he was upset he should've calmed himself down instead of acting out of anger.

Does your husband has any trust issues and was this his first time ever acting this way?

[cadillac59]

You husband was out of line. There is no reason for a display of jealousy and that sort of thing not only drives a wedge between you and him but shows insecurity on his part.

I think you should tell him that if you wanted to cheat on him you would and it wouldn't be something he could walk in on; however, you are not going to and he needs to believe it. Tell him he better get over it because that sort of possessiveness is a real turn-off and has led to many break-ups with other couples.

[JBeaucaire]

If you can't stand in each other's shoes and see the clear honest perspective of the other person, then this issue will have no resolution.

There is no right and wrong here. There's just reasonable and unreasonable. You're right to attend a party with friends, even if you end up being the last one there. He's right to not want you hanging out drinking alone with other men.

You're both right. So what? This argument isn't about who is right, and if you two pursue it like it is, you will make a MONSTROUS mountain of a pretty simple issue.

This argument is about respect. You now know your husband is nervous about you partying alone with other men. It doesn't matter what your intentions were, it only matters that you can take a moment to understand he doesn't like you partying alone with other men... or you can't. Which is it? Do you want to even bother to see his view at all?

And he needs to understand that you're not going to be a monk in a cave with him, when you're invited to a party, he is your escort. He IS your escort. He escorts you out of love and respect for you, not because he wants to go... although that would be nice, too. Then, YOU'RE not the last one there, the two of you are.

If you DO go to a party alone again, you now know to try not to be the last one there. If you really don't want to leave, call your escort sooner and ask him to come over so you won't be there alone with a man. Ask calmly and flirtingly. "There's free beer...."

You can win this argument, he can win, or you two can be respectful of each other's positions and acknowledge them. You can't win AND have peace. Neither can he.

Peace comes from understanding your mate, even the things you disagree on. True Love comes from being able to not only understand, but defend your mate's opposing position when called upon to do so. "I have to go now, John, my husband wouldn't approve of us partying alone, and I have to respect that. Happy birthday, have a good night."

You're both right, and if you don't stop arguing over this, you'll both end up wrong.

[azdesertchick]

I think both Romefalls19 and JBeaucaire made really good points. You aren't upset he was jealous you're upset that he embarrassed you and handled it in that manner. I don't know you personally so I can only give you advice based on what you've told us.

Some background would be helpful is there any reason for him to not trust you has something happened in the past? Is this friend of good character or is he known for being a bit flirty? Not that any of those reasons give either of you a right to publicly embarrass one another but it would put this situation in better perspective if we knew some history here.

I personally think there's no good reason to be left alone in a non public setting with another man while being in relationship with someone and when I find myself in a situation like that (because it does happen) I try to change that if possible or even make a call to my hubby letting him know where I am.. more for his benefit than mine. Some may say that's ridiculous and we aren't kids but it's again a matter of respect in my mind. I don't mind my hubby talking to other women or even being at a get together I'm not at where there are other woman. But if I were to show up and expect to see many people but instead find him in a more private setting with another female I may not say something than but you better believe I'm going to ask how that happened later in private! :p

So yeah many may disagree and let's face it in a perfect world we would have no insecurities but... this isn't a perfect world and EVERYONE tends to have insecurities in some areas, it's what you do with them and how you deal with them that mold you and affect positively or negatively the loved ones in your life.

[talaniman]

Your husband was rude, no doubt, as if he was really bothered he would have said so when you left, or expressed himself in private.

Busting in like an idiot is uncalled for and immature, but I hope you talk it out, and understand his concern, if not his methods.

I think that's the real issue, his methods.