[packer04]

Well guys in my previous posts I told you met a great guy(50 and I 49) whom wasn't over his brekup yet. He had been calling 1-2 times per day, taking me out, coming over for dinner,kissing me,ugging me-mixed signals there. I very seldom called, once a week maybe, he wanted to call and he would say do you mind if I stop by. I made it clear when he wanted to talk, come over as a friend that was great. He told me right now he could only offer me friendship(said that for the past 2 months) He said he wasn't ready for anything. I said that's okay, thinking maybe down the road we might be more(like he said I have everything he wants) He was being honest and a nice guy. We spoke on the phone last week and I said you seem to be distant, what's up-he said he had met a woman and been out with her twice. I said I thought you weren't ready for anything-at least that's how I took it. So I said you are ready-so where do I stand? He said he has no feelings for me, but only as friends. I said well I misunderstood, because to me right now means you maybe ready for a relationship with me. So for 2 months he has only had feelings of friendship for me, nothing else. I was hurt, because he knew I was getting closer to him. And I know you can't make a person feel for you when they don't. But was I wrong in assuming different. I feel he didn't make it clear enough or am I at fault here. He said I was overpowering-but I thought I was being a good friend and I have never had a guy friend. I am the type of friend that would do anything and always be there. Where did I go wrong, I didn't call all the time, never invited myself, just was a friend. He said he would like to remain friends if its possible for me to. I know he will be with other women and I do want him to find that special someone. I thought he could be it and he wasn't. I would like his friendship, should I wait a week or so just to call and ask how he is as a friend or let him contact me? He has been a great friend and I don't want to lose that.I guess guy friends you treat differently from female friends. Help me here.

[Objet trouves]

You have absolutely no obligation to this guy. You have not known him for very long and it sounds like he has gotten a lot more out knowing you than you have out of knowing him. He has used your affection and support and even your romantic feelings for him to soothe the gap in his life that was left by his relationship breakup. Meanwhile, you have had to go through the dizzing rollercoaster of expectation, take emotional risks, and finally negotiate dissapointment and confusion.

Yes, it was right of him to tell you that he had met someone else, but don't mistake his belated honesty as a mark that he is a good person, or someone worth battling against all your romantic feelings in order to keep as a friend. If I may be blunt- this guy may have told you that he wanted to be "just friends", but he was not a friend to you.

I'm a gal with a lot of male friends, and, just like female friends, my guy friends ask for my support and give me theirs. Friendship with a guy is still friendship, and friendship is never a one way street.

[packer04]

Thanks. I just feel like a fool for misreading what he said. I just feel he should have said 2 months ago that we can be nothing but friends,not" right now I can only offer you friendship". And he said maybe tomorrow, maybe months from now, maybe something more. Just wish he wouldn't have put the right now in there. I guess men and women hear what they want. So guys and gal friends are the same you are saying. Friends are friends. I guess he said one thing and meant another. That's what I get for liking him. Well I can say I wish him nothing but happiness and I hope he finds the one. I would like his friendship, cause you can never have too many friends. Well thanks again.

[Objet trouves]

No, I think that he was intentionally ambiguous, and whilst he may not have intended to hurt you by it, and he may have had his own resolve weakened through his own hurt post relationship, he was aware of what he was doing, and he was, simply, being selfish.

Forgive me for being judgemental, but in my opinion you can have too many friends- a friend who exploits you is one you most certainly can do without.

[talaniman]

I have read your other posts, and hope your aware that you needed him, more than he needs you, as you have had plenty of warning about this fellow, but you chose to invest more than what he was worth. That happens when you gamble on a long shot.

Hey life goes on, and so will you, so don't waste a lot of time on shame, or guilt, you tried and that has to count for something.

Learn from this, and give yourself a break, and get back into the real world.