[loz1988]

Hey guys and girls, well basically here's my story/situation...

I met my First love about two years ago, and after about 5months we met up and got together. We wasn't together very long as we were both at college, and worked to feed that. So never had the money to travel up and down the coast back and forth from newcastle to manchester. So it ended and 4months passed where we hadn't talked... but then for some reason she called me late one night, that's when it started again...

we ended up meeting up and turns out she left college and found herself a new job.
as had I. we met up and it was like no time in between had passed. Still loved each other. So we got back together.
Now with my ex partner she was autistic, sometimes being with her was very difficult but loving her so much I never wanted to let her down like every other girl to cheat and lie to her.
But what complicates it all is...
While we had been apart she had got mixed up in drugs with a girl she was kind of dating at the time. During that time she changed, she wasn't that smiley happy girl I met the year before anymore. The girl she was dating cheated on her with her best friend. Not quite a good friend you could say. Anyway, we had got back together and things were great, everyone of her friends said they had never seen her so happy. Anyhow the girl that slept with her ex had begged her to make friends with her again, and my ex isn't the type to be a about it, so they made friends, but the more I saw her friend the more I realised things she did and said were aimed at her feelings for me. I cared about her friend, but I loved my girlfriend, over the next few months it all became a strain on our relationship, people were saying my ex was cheating on me with several people and apparently I was doing the same to her... this caused a lot of rows, and I mean we never argued we got on so well it wasn't normal for us to be like this, not so long after my ex kept asking me if something was going on with her friend, in which it wasn't so I said no of course. By the time it got to christmas last year we were arguing everyday and even having to stop her from trying to hit me... she wasn't happy. In fact we didn't really laugh anymore, I knew with all the rumouring causing us to fight was killing anything left.
I think because she lived in such a small town by the sea everyone knew everyone else's business too, so that didn't help us.
after I left her house over christmas, she ended it two days later, she said she was depressed and not happy with her life, she said she needed to sort her life out cause she wasn't happy with anything, plus being with me made it hard for her to do what she needed too without hurting me.

months passed and she called me all the time, saying that she missed me and wanted us to get back together and that she still wanted to marry me. I never really believed it I don't think... even though I was still in love I knew too much had happened and a lot of that spark had burned out.

but months on I still wasn't over it, she stopped calling me altogether, which is when I really went on one for it, calling her all the names under the sun, I don't even know why I said it all, but I just needed the answers to move on and she was stopping me by keeping the reasons from me... months went by again until recently when she began calling me up at 3-5am like she used too, playing our songs down the phone, talking about sex and memories that shouldn't really be mentioned like this, prying into my life asking about girls and partners etc, it so happens I was seeing someone knew at the time, and I liked her but hadn't yet been able to give all of myself into the relationship so I ended it, the ex had asked if I had slept with her so to not make myself look like a fool for her I said I had, purely on the basis that she was asking if I had moved on and making out to me she had I didn't want to seem left behind on my own still pining over someone that clearly wasn't feeling that need to be with me.


in one of those early morning phone calls she admitted that it was never my fault that it ended, she was depressed and said there came a point where she couldn't see my smile through the black cloud anymore.
she said I was loyal as a dog to its owner and that there wasn't a day I didn't make her happy. She finished that off with telling me how lucky she had been to find a love like we shared. And that she doesn't regret me.


anyway turning it abit sour, she called me a few days later... she had added the girl I had been seeing onto Facebook and had quized her about me, if I had slept with her etc, she girl said we hadn't slept together, she was angry near tears on the phone asking me why?

I guesss even though we had been friends again since then I knew it was over, I know it went the day I stepped on the train to go home to manchester.

Now it seems like every time she sees I'm getting there and seeing other people she comes back into my life, she calls me but never admits why she is calling, she hasn't seen me since I left there at christmas. And since the break up has always made excuses to why she had to cancel her visit, or why I can't go to see her.

A girl I have never met added me on Facebook about a month ago she is from the same town as my ex, in fact they know of each other. We got on great, but I told her nothing could ever happen as its too close to home. And I wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes, anyhow, cause my ex checks who I talk too and what I'm doing she knew that the girl was talking to me, and the other day asked her why she was talking to me and if anything was going on between us, the girl said we were friends but nothing was going on, she said my ex looked dead pissed off and jealous about it all?
the girl then text me and asked if I would visit next month for her birthday, now I want to go and meet her but I don't want my ex to think its all about her, and I guess not seeing each other for a year the feelings are boxed away and I know I'm very much still in love and don't want to make this harder for me.

I'm sorry its so long, but I guess what I'm trying to ask you all is... would you go knowing fine well it could just kill you all over again?

and what do you think about my exs behaviour?

I just don't understand. And its making me determined to move on but then not knowing and understanding it all stops the final steps


thanks for reading. x

Lauren

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, who else are you dating, what other activities are you doing. It is hard, but stop talking to her, don't text, don't email, don't look up things,

Start going out with other people and living life

[JBeaucaire]

As long as you cater to your ex's feelings, it's not over. What this means is that even though there is nothing good going on between you, she still gets to make you miserable.

Nice. And mostly you're doing this to yourself, so blaming her won't fly.

I appreciate the old feelings and history, but over means over. It means you STOP weighing her feelings/life when making your own choices. It's not that you don't care, it's that you can't afford to. This will go on forever if you don't buck up and start letting take care of her own life and her own anger. It's hers.

Date this girl like a NORMAL guy. You know, someone who isn't crazy? Worrying about or catering to or protecting an ex in a situation like this is... well, for no better word... crazy.

When it comes to the ex, be selfish. When it comes to your new dating endeavors and possible new loves, be selfless.

[talaniman]

Stop all contact with her, and see if you don't think much clearer.

[Objet trouves]

It's really positive that you know that it's over and want to start fresh. Unfortunately, so long as you continue to get romantic phonecalls from your ex, you will find it almost impossible for your emotions to catch up with your head.

In a nutshell, she is not being fair. You may be determined to get over her, but we're all human and no matter how determined you are to get over her, she is ensuring that you can't really go without thinking about her for a very long time. It's difficult enough to get over a first love without this kind of behaviour.

Do yourself a favour; next time the phone rings, don't think about how good you will feel during or immediately after the conversation, don't think about how she will feel if you don't pick up; think instead about how you will feel in the morning, or how you will feel tomorrow or the day after going through realising-yet again, that this girl is not for you.

Do not pick up the phone. Even think about changing your number and not letting her know the new number.

The Facebook stuff is tough too. My advice would be to take her and the other girls from her town off your friends list. You have a good reason not to stay in touch with her, the best friend makes you feel weird and you don't even know the other girl. You don't want to give yourself the opportunity to sleuth through photos of her at parties in your more vulnerable moments.