[lauripr]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting anything on this site, and thank you in advance for any advice I get :); OK so here is my story...

About 6 months ago I was going to travel to Spain for 2 weeks on vacation, about 2 weeks before my trip, I entered a chat to meet people there since I was going to travel with my parents, but I wanted to meet people my age to go out and make friends.
I was a bit sceptical, but I met one guy that was really nice, so when I got to Spain I met him, and next thing you know, I started liking the guy and same happened to him. The two weeks were great and we were more than friend by the time I came.
After I left Spain he called me every single day, and I decided to go back to visit him.
3 months later I went back to Spain and my trip was pretty much go see him. A few weeks before I arrived, he tells me that after my trip, he wanted us to distance from each other, meaning that he doesn’t want to call me everyday, because he is scared that because of the distance; things are not going to work out...
So I went to Spain, we had a great time, we talked about it and I had to agree with him. We pretty much think the same way, that our relationship is difficult, the difference is, that I'm willing to try to work something out, and he basically is 2 scared to get hurt, and he is in his mid 30s so he doesn’t have the same time that I have(I'm in my mid 20s)

Here's where I'm confused, I came back and I thought I was not going to heard from him again, that everything was a summer fling, but he keeps calling me, I confronted him about it, and he still thinks the same way…, but he still hopes to come see me in the next 3 months and keeps calling me, even though not everyday, but every other day, or every 2 days...
So I'm not sure what he wants or what to do... I like him, but if he doesn’t see a future, I thought he would end thing when I came back, so I don’t understand what he wants... :confused:

[High Max]

If you want any hope at maintaining this, the sad reality is that someone is going to have to move. This is something that you should discuss.

[kctiger]

If you both feel that you cannot make this work, then cut contact and start living your own life. It is a painful reality, but sometimes things just work out this way. You guys cannot talk to each other anymore if you both know it cannot work. Doing this could lead to even more pain for one or even both of you. Good luck!

[lauripr]

If you want any hope at maintaining this, the sad reality is that someone is going to have to move. This is something that you should discuss.

Thanks Max for your reply!!
We have talked about it, and we are both willing to do that, but is not something we can do with just 3-5 months of relationship. We would be looking into it if after a year, we still feel the same... but I'm not sure if he is even trying to reach that year mark or what...

[lauripr]

...

[castorbean49]

I hate to be the one to say this, but IF he already told you he was cooling off and then acts like he wants to be w you when he comes here, I feel he is just trying to have an assurance that when/if he DOES Come, you will be here for him, just in case he cannot find someone else. or until he does, he will have someone to show him around or whatever. In the meantime, you have strong feelings and more than likely will just feel used and confused when he leaves again, IF it takes that long.I would DROP this guy like a HOT POTATO. Don't take his calls or just tell him you have decided he was right,It IS too far away.Sorry, but I am just telling you what I feel.Why prolong this? Be very careful and don't be foolish, it sounds to me like you are lucky you didn't get an STD or worse!(maybe I misread you) Long distance realtionships are VERY hard to keep afloat,(no pun intended), even when you are MADLY in LOVE and a BIT older than you. Why make it so difficult on yourself? Can't you find someone here in the good ole USA? Give yourself all the advantages that you can! Just dealing w someone different than you is hard enough with all their quirks, without adding into the mix that you are sooo far apart! Take care and I know you can find a LOCAL guy!

[lauripr]

Thanks castorbean49! Everything you have said, its what my mind is telling me to do, but someone it takes someone else to tell you what you already think, in order to bring yourself to do something.
I keep blaming myself for putting myself in this situation... but I'm just going to try to get out of it the best way I can .

Thanks!

[talaniman]

Not unusual for people to meet be attracted, and keep in touch. (or try to) That's human. Just don't get carried away by the emotions and get to far ahead of realistic expectations.

No telling what he wants from this, so its important to know what YOU want.

If it becomes to hard then cut the pen pal with benefits routine, and put things on a more platonic level.

Not to be harsh, but that's an expensive fling, so which one of you is that rich??

Most flings end, when one party goes home. So whats keeping this alive?

[lauripr]

Hi talaniman,

I think the only thing that is keeping this whole thing alive is the fact that he keeps calling me and insist on keeping in contact, and try to come to see me.
In the whole 6 months we have known each other he is the one that has done all the calling.
Don't get me wrong, I would be willing to have a long distance relationship, but not with someone that is not really sure what he wants.

[talaniman]

I think the only thing that is keeping this whole thing alive is the fact that he keeps calling me and insist on keeping in contact, and try to come to see me.

And your willingness to talk to him, and entertain his visits. If you want to end this you have that power, you just need to exercise it. If it not what you want, don't go for it, or let it happen.

[lauripr]

You are right, I think that if I keep taking his calls and acting like I'm cool with it, he is never going to get that I'm not interested in what he has to offer.