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Amber101 · Oct 16, 2008, 12:38 PM

Im nearly 30, married and with a child. Since my pregnancy (two years ago) Iv'e been thinking about other guys some I have known from the past and others from television, the local supermarket etc. I feel terrible as I know its wrong and especially because my feelings are soooo strong. I waste my time thinking about them and its starting to interfere with everyday life - like an obsession.

My love life with my husband is going downhill and I don't know whether the above problem is the cause or effect.

Please advise.

Xrayman · Oct 16, 2008, 07:16 PM

I am no expert with post natal depression, however I'd hazard a guess, that you may have a symptom of this illness, I think you are mentally obsessing about other men rather than your husband and this may be related to post-natal effects. How do you feel about your baby? How do you REALLy feel about your husband? Is he supportive?

I think you may need to find your answers to these questions first before ruining your relationship with your husband.

simoneaugie · Oct 16, 2008, 07:49 PM

Crushes and fixations are something adults can get into. It's like an addiction of sorts. The thing is that while you are fixated on whatever guy, you real life doesn''t feel so bad.

If the crushes are constant, real life feelings aren't dealt with at all. Something is going on in real life that isn't comfortable. The answer is to get totally and completely honest with yourself.

What's up? Why do you do this or that? It doesn't matter what the answer is, as long as you tell yourself the truth. Getting fixated on another person is a good distraction from how you really feel, the truth.

You could be suffering from depression. Whether it's post partum or not, becoming a mother and wife does not usually champion you own interests. Are you able to pursue at least one thing that you're interested in without including the family (or the crush?)

Counselling may help you get your feelings out. Therapy with your husband, and without would be good. Can you talk to him about how the relationship is going, your feelings that it is less than it was?

Amber101 · Oct 17, 2008, 04:11 AM

So maybe Im depressed, maybe my thoughts of other guys are a distraction as it does feel good when I start thinking of how life would be with them/him. My husband is supportive but I guess we have drifted. I think I will go and see a counsellor as this can't go on.. I can't let this take over my life.

excon · Oct 17, 2008, 05:39 AM

Hello Amber:

We are NOT our thoughts. We ARE what we DO. We also have been provided with a healthy imagination. YOU imagining other guys is perfectly normal. NOT imagining other guys would be ABNORMAL.

So, just enjoy your little wonderings, and when you get turned ON by one of your images, then give your HUSBAND the benefits.

excon