Check out some similar questions!

Belloitaliano · Oct 15, 2008, 12:21 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, With our 1 year old daughter, he had a daughter with his previous relationship. They are still married, because My boyfriend hasn't had the money to pay for the divorce. The child is living with her, but at times with her family. My boyfriend, can not afford child support, unless its very minimal. Living in CT expenses are very high.

He can not afford to see his other daughter (which he isn't even sure is his, however he signed the birth certificate). Because She lives in a different state than us. Plane tickets or gas to drive would be outrageous. Considering he can't see her, he doesn't call her either. She is two now. He doesn't want to confuse or hurt her by saying" this is daddy" But she can't see him. He is thinking of her and souley her. His ex has been with someone that wanted to adopt her, but they are no longer together.

Our question is : How can he give up his rights to that child? Would he still have to pay child support? :confused::confused:

We have heard several things, one being you can't give up your rights unless she is going to be adopted. What if that will happen in the future, but we want to get things ready now so that when it does happen his ex and her significant other can do it without worrying about all this?

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2008, 12:31 PM

If you had read any of the hundreds of threads in this forum asking the same question you would have learned that a termination of parental rights is rarely granted. Usually they are given only to clear there way for an adoption or because the parent represents a danger to the child. So no, he would not be allowed to relinquish his rights.

The laws vary from state to state. Some terminate both rights and responsibilities, others only rights. In the case where both are terminated, its even harder to get a TPR. They are not given just to get out of support.

There is really little to prepare. If an adoption is going to take place, the lawyer preparing the petition will also draw up a relinquishment of rights. So all he'd have to do is sign it.

stinawords · Oct 15, 2008, 12:31 PM

Nope he can't even if there are plans to someday adopt. First her mother would have to be married for at least a year to the man that wants to adopt and being that they aren't even divorced that dosen't look like it will be any time too soon. Has he been ordered to pay support yet? Support is based off income so it is a percentage of his pay not how much is left over after his expenses.

Belloitaliano · Oct 15, 2008, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Nope he can't even if there are plans to someday adopt. First her mother would have to be married for at least a year to the man that wants to adopt and being that they aren't even divorced that dosen't look like it will be any time too soon. Has he been ordered to pay support yet? Support is based off of income so it is a percentage of his pay not how much is left over after his expenses.

Considering they are not divorced, he doesn't have to pay child support. The state of FL went for it at one time, but found out they were still married. So no, no court ordered support.

SO child support is based on total income. Even if after bills and food, diapers, and things we NEED for our daughter we have only $50 a month left?

J_9 · Oct 15, 2008, 01:06 PM

Child support is based on a percentage of his pay. If you are only making $50 a month after support it's time for you to either get a job, or if you have one, to get a second job so that he does not have to pay more.

Now, why punish an innocent child for the mistakes of the adults? It always disgusts me that it's easier to just walk away from a child who did not choose his/her parents than it is to do the right thing and take care of your responsibilities.

It's always the new wife, or new girlfriend on here who is asking if their boyfriend/husband can relinquish rights.

If it were that easy, don't you think there would be a line a mile long around every courthouse in the world? If it were that easy we would see innocent children walking the streets because their sperm/egg donor fell on hard times, because they are having a hard time with the child and the child is unruly, or because the new wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend does not want to be bothered.

And you come here having a baby with a married man asking us how he can just walk out of this child's life with no retribution. What are you going to do when he finds that the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture and his new girlfriend has his baby and wants him to relinquish the rights to YOUR child. Don't say it won't happen, your in the middle of that situation right now.

Belloitaliano · Oct 15, 2008, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Child support is based on a percentage of his pay. If you are only making $50 a month after support it's time for you to either get a job, or if you have one, to get a second job so that he does not have to pay more.

Now, why punish an innocent child for the mistakes of the adults? It always disgusts me that it's easier to just walk away from a child who did not choose his/her parents than it is to do the right thing and take care of your responsibilities.

It's always the new wife, or new girlfriend on here who is asking if their boyfriend/husband can relinquish rights.

If it were that easy, don't you think there would be a line a mile long around every courthouse in the world? If it were that easy we would see innocent children walking the streets because their sperm/egg donor fell on hard times, because they are having a hard time with the child and the child is unruly, or because the new wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend does not want to be bothered.

And you come here having a baby with a married man asking us how he can just walk out of this child's life with no retribution. What are you going to do when he finds that the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture and his new girlfriend has his baby and wants him to relinquish the rights to YOUR child. Don't say it won't happen, your in the middle of that situation right now.

FIRST OF ALL I have accepted this girl into my life. We may not see her, but I DO care about her. I am NOT telling him to give up his rights. His ex, has asked him to, and he was wondering what the procedure is! It is in the BEST interest of the child. She will never see him. They live in separate states. Why confuse the girl? Why hurt her? If we lived in the same state then I would treat this little girl like my own! You DO NOT KNOW my feelings or the way I think.

I will NOT take away from my daughter however for her. I do NOT agree with daycares, I worked in one and I don't like how they are run. My boyfriend works from 6 am - 8 pm. So I can not get a night job.
If I were in the situation just opposite, I would want him to do relinquish his rights if he will never see her. Why would I make him pay money for a child that he will not see or have any responisbility for?

And the ONLY reason I am on here asking this is because my boyfriend works all day. He ASKED me to do this for him. Just like he asks me to call people for bills, rent, etc.

A little background, their marriage lasted 2 days, and she left him and moved back to the state she lived in previously. She took the baby with her. I knew him for 4 years prior to that time. So don't judge. We are on here asking for advice, not criticism.

J_9 · Oct 15, 2008, 01:55 PM

You know, had you posted all of that in your original question, your answers may not have been so harsh. You see, we need ALL background in order to formulate a good answer.

Now, I have been somewhat in your boyfriend's shoes. I did not have access to my oldest sons for many years, for MANY reasons (particularly their father always made other arrangements when it was my week or month to bring them to my state) the reason I did not have custody was through no fault of my own and a VERY long story.

However, I can tell you that giving up rights in most states simply means that you give up the rights to make decisions regarding the health and welfare of your child. Rarely does it mean you give up being financially responsible.

Now, the absolute worst thing he can do is give up his rights to this child. She will grow up thinking that her Daddy did not love her. My oldest are now 20 and 22 and we have the best relationship in the world. I would not trade it for anything.

My children and I went months, even years, without being able to speak to each other, but they knew that their mom always loved them. Telephone calls, cards, letters and gifts are precious to children.

By giving up rights, in the end, does more damage to the child emotionally.

stinawords · Oct 15, 2008, 02:12 PM

The advice given to you was correct there is nothing he can do as far as terminating rights. He can go file for divorce and in the process the judge will order support and visitation. He does not have to visit, send any cards, or anything like that but he will have to support the child he made financially.

ScottGem · Oct 15, 2008, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by Belloitaliano

Why would I make him pay money for a child that he will not see or have any responisbility for?

I'll answer this one. Because when he fathered that child he assumed a responsibility for it. Even if he never has anything to do with that child, he's partially responsible for seeing that the child is supported.

JudyKayTee · Oct 15, 2008, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'll answer this one. Because when he fathered that child he assumed a responsibility for it. Even if he never has anything to do with that child, he's partially responsible for seeing that the child is supported.

Well, I'm going to jump in. "The boyfriend" and the OP had a child together and now the "boyfriend" can't afford to support his first child and also can't get divorced because he has no money. This is another "we" question that should be a "he" question - she has absolutely no legal standing.

JudyKayTee · Oct 15, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Belloitaliano

Considering they are not divorced, he doesnt have to pay child support. The state of FL went for it at one time, but found out they were still married. So no, no court ordered support.

SO child support is based on total income. Even if after bills and food, diapers, and things we NEED for our daughter we have only $50 a month left?

Florida must be different than NY - in NY if you are living apart you can file for and receive support for the child. No need to be divorced.