[bella204]

Im in love with someone who used to be nice. At first he wanted to date me, we did, he was the sweetest guy in the world but at the time I just wasn't feeling anything, so I said we should just be friends. My fault right there, I really screwed up because now about a year later we started hanging out again, and things got heated, and in the end, every time I would chill with him, go out for dinner, go out for ice cream, we would always end up in his car or my car doing . I totally fell for him, he was my first at doing anything, making out, hickey, like everything, and eventually he took my v-card, again MY mistake. He was always there for me, he called me, he texted me cute things, but after we did together, he turned into a complete , and stopped caring. I saw him at the bar one night, and he totally ignored me in front of his friends... I was so embarrassed I just started crying outside, he just gets to me. One night I told him I liked him, I told him that I cared for him, but he told me he wasn't the one for me, and I was too young and I should be having fun.
Tonight, he talked to me since I lost my virginity to him, and he straight up told me he wants to hang and he misses me, and he wants to . Obviously I don't want to be his booty call, but I love the part before we , I love it when we are almost boyfriend and girlfriend like, and we are holding hands and walking together side by side. It hurts so much to know I mean nothing to him. After we had sex for the first time, usually you kind of cuddle up in bed or you hug or something right? But he totally just got up, and kind of waited by the door for me to leave, obviously I wasn't going to stay but I thought he at least wanted to just chill and hold me or something for a bit... Thats when it hit me.
It's getting to me, its really starting to bother me, and I get so depressed and I cry every time I think about what I am to him. I've never been like this to anyone before. I ed up. I'm a mess. I'm a slut, I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't even know who he is. I hate feeling this way but I can't stop talking to him. I want to see him I want to be with him for just that little bit where I can pretend he cares, before the sex happens, that part that he actually came for.
And yes I realize I can say no, but I just can't bring myself to do that in the heat of the moment, I feel like maybe if we do it again, maybe he'll fall in love with me, maybe if we do it enough we'll start going out... it happened to my best friend... and I know that's just so stupid and far fetched but I just..
I don't know what to do.

[SimpleguyJoe]

Wow you seem to be quite the wrek at the moment... First off how old are you and how old is he? And previous relationships for you bolth?

Well first off don't be his thing and be used just for sex you should be above that kind of mistreatment, There is deffinately some one out there that has the ability to take care of you a lot better than this guy. I would if at all possible just forget him and stop contacting him at all costs the way you wrote your post makes me think that he views you as a peace of meat and of little worth to him. So why should you be at his call anytime he wants just so he can get what he wants then throw you out? If you keep up with treating yourself that way your going to regret it in the long run he is just manipulating you and when you give in to him for sex he is just going to think even less of you.

Any guy who would straight up ignore you in front of his friends is oviously not intrested in you even in the slightest and I'm really sorry and that sucks but why waste any more time on this guy when you could be spending it recovering from your loss and eventually getting back into the dating world and finding somebody who is going to treat you right.

And your not a slut and it's not a healthy way to think about yourself you just got pulled into a bad situation with high hopes the best I think you could do for yourself is just cut him out of your life.

[SimpleguyJoe]

Ahh, sorry about spelling errors and grammar it's way to late to be posting advice when I am half asleep!

[bella204]

First off thanks for listening, and your kind words of advice, I really do appreciate it, and no apologies needed for spelling or grammar errors it is way to early haha.

I'm 18 and he is 24. I had a previous relationship a while before him, and that is what caused me to reject him at first because I was seeing someone else again, which happened to be my ex boyfriend. He had a girlfriend a while ago too, but nothing else, he's too much of a bar star ha. I thought this guy was the one who would take care of me, when I had problems with my ex boyfriend I would go to him and he would be there for me, now its all changed...
I know that I should stop talking to him but its so hard, I see him around a lot and its so hard to wait around for that person who will actually care about you to come.
I don't know if I can cut him out of my life.. I will try. Yes, I feel like less of a person right now I feel so dirty and just worthless to everyone right now especially him...
And I know that if I do have sex with him again I'm going to feel even worse.
Ughhhhh why are guys such jerks haha.

[imzz46]

You really shouldn't feel so bad about yourself. You trusted this guy and he destroyed that... It can happen to anyone!

My advice is to stay right away from him. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for woman at all! You deserve a lot better!

A lot of guys are jerks, I totally agree, but there are also some gorgeous ones out there and they're the ones you should be getting to know! They are the ones worthy of your time!

Never let anyone feel like you are worthless and never accept second best!

He obviously isn't the guy you once thought he was, so now it's time to find someone who will treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve!

Good luck with it all and keep smiling!

[High Max]

You're going to learn that a lot of guys stick around just to get one thing, and will leave you when they get it. This is why guys worry when you hang out with other guy friends, because a MAJORITY of guy "friends" have a hidden agenda, even though they may be great actors and tell you they are your "brother"

[talaniman]

Sadly, until you have enough pain, and misery, to make changes to your behavior and life, there is nothing to be done.

Sorry, but the good news is, you sound like your almost there.

[SimpleguyJoe]

Somewhere in this forum is a NC (No contact at all) calendar. I think that something like that might be able to help you stay away from him. You can track how many days you stay away from him and get a lot of reassurance
When your having a hard time and eventually you can post how much better you feel without the scum in your life!

[bella204]

Wow really? No contact calendar, never heard of that before maybe I'll try it.
Thanks so much everyone for the great and wonderful advice.
Yes it will be hard to follow through with it all but hopefully I can do it .

[NallaNeedsYou]

I totally agree with what has been said and I think that you are very sensible in understanding where your going wrong and that will help you to get over him. Don't give your heart away too easily because people will do anything to get you. Don't let yourself become an object just to be pushed around. He is obviously goining to be the one losing out if you can see how he has treated you. You CAN do better and the sooner you are away of people who are as shallow as he is the better. I hope this helps

[SimpleguyJoe]

Just let us know if there is anything we can help with Bella204. This is a great community with lots of wise and helpful people that can help you get through this sort of thing if your willing to help yourself.

[bella204]

Thank you very much.

[liz28]

Bella, don't ever think that having sex with someone is going make them love you because it isn't. This guy is a taker and will continue to be one a long as you let him. Don't speak to him nor have sex with any more.

Whenever you see in the streets, mall, etc, hold your head up high and say nothing to him, just ignore him. Don' be his sideline chick any more.

Today is new day and a new advanture is waiting.