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brownchrisjoh · Oct 12, 2008, 02:07 PM

My daughter is now 7 years old. Her biological father only calls her once every 3-4 months. When he calls she doesn't like to speak with him. She is afraid of him. She cries and gets upset when he tries to talk to her. I remember the judge saying a 7 year old does not have the right to make the decision to see her father or not. She does not want to see him at all. I have to do a supervised visit with him next weekend (not ordered by the court). My lawyer said that the judge will let him see her. My daughter refuses and really feels uncomfortable. WHat do I do. Where is a child's right? I don't think it's fair at all to force a child to do something like that whether it's the biological father or not:(

stinawords · Oct 12, 2008, 02:39 PM

You already have a laywer and if you don't think what they said is right then get a new lawyer. We advise people to get lawyers because they know the judges and local laws where you are. That being said, if his visitation is not court ordered you can deny it. However, all he has to do is go to court to get his visitation court ordered unless you can prove he is a danger to the child. The fact is that it is his child too and in more cases than not the "bad" parent didn't just get that way over night you are the deciding factor in who gets to father your children. So other than telling you to get a lawyer in your area becaue they will have a better idea about your indiviual case all I can say is either listen too them or get another one.

JudyKayTee · Oct 12, 2008, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

You already have a laywer and if you don't think what they said is right then get a new lawyer. We advise people to get lawyers because they know the judges and local laws where you are. That being said, if his visitation is not court ordered you can deny it. However, all he has to do is go to court to get his visitation court ordered unless you can prove he is a danger to the child. The fact is that it is his child too and in more cases than not the "bad" parent didn't just get that way over night you are the deciding factor in who gets to father your children. So other than telling you to get a lawyer in your area becaue they will have a better idea about your indiviual case all I can say is either listen too them or get another one.

Everything SHE said... and why is your child afraid of her father?

Fr_Chuck · Oct 12, 2008, 04:21 PM

Yes, why is she afraid, don't mean wrong but is things you are telling her scaring her?

But the child has to follow the court orders just like everyone does. So if the judge orders a visit, the other parent is suppose to produce the child to the parent. For example if you don't produce the child you can be held in contempt.

cdad · Oct 12, 2008, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by brownchrisjoh

My daughter is now 7 years old. Her biological father only calls her once every 3-4 months. When he calls she doesn't like to speak with him. She is afraid of him. She cries and gets upset when he tries to talk to her. I remember the judge saying a 7 year old does not have the right to make the decision to see her father or not. she does not want to see him at all. I have to do a supervised visit with him next weekend (not ordered by the court). My lawyer said that the judge will let him see her. My daughter refuses and really feels uncomfortable. WHat do I do. Where is a childs right? I don't think it's fair at all to force a child to do something like that whether it's the biological father or not:(

The only reason courts force situations like this is because its in the child's best interest. Somehow and someway your child has a fear.. any ideas where that came from ? Does she think he is coming to take her away ? The supervised visits are what are normal for a father re-establishing his right to see his child. Then from there after a period he may get more and more time. They just need a chance to get to know each other. If you hinder this in any way you may lose custody forever. You may want to seek counciling for yourself and maybe for your daughter if this is going to be a real problem but I suspect that after a few visitations she will figure out daddy isn't going to rip her away from mommy. You need to give this a chance.

brownchrisjoh · Oct 12, 2008, 05:17 PM

Well it routes from a lot of things. When I was married to my daughters father, he would watch her when I worked 3-11. He would always yell in her face. So till this day she covers her ears if you talk loud. He would also be sound asleep before my daughter would be a sleep and I would come home to chocolate all over her face. She would get into food while he was sleeping. How about the time he was putting a new floor down and was using mineral salts for it. He wasn't paying attention and she drank some mineral salts. He had to take her to the hospital. While talking to her on the phone 3 months ago, he yelled at her and told her it was her responsibility to call him. She is only 7. She just had a birthday. He never called or even sent her a card. Every time the phone rings, she gets nervous and tries to talk her self into talking to him. To answer all your questions about why my daughter acts the way she does towards him.

JudyKayTee · Oct 13, 2008, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by brownchrisjoh

Well it routes from a lot of things. When I was married to my daughters father, he would watch her when I worked 3-11. He would always yell in her face. So till this day she covers her ears if you talk loud. He would also be sound asleep before my daughter would be a sleep and I would come home to chocolate all over her face. She would get into food while he was sleeping. How about the time he was putting a new floor down and was using mineral salts for it. He wasn't paying attention and she drank some mineral salts. He had to take her to the hospital. While talking to her on the phone 3 months ago, he yelled at her and told her it was her responsability to call him. She is only 7. She just had a birthday. He never called or even sent her a card. Everytime the phone rings, she gets nervous and tries to talk her self into talking to him. To answer all your questions about why my daughter acts the way she does towards him.

Wel, with this type of background (if you can prove it and I'm going to presume you can) I'm surprised he has unsupervised visitation. Go back to Court again with your evidence and ask for no visitation or supervised visitation. The Court will evaluate all parties and make a decision based on the welfare of your child.

ScottGem · Oct 13, 2008, 08:56 AM

What you NEED to do is take your daughter to a psychologist and have her evaluated. The psychologoist will either help her work through her fear of her father or affirm that she is too young and too scarred to see him.

You then take the psycholoigists report to the judge and ask that visitation be suspended until she can be prepared to deal with her father.

brownchrisjoh · Oct 13, 2008, 04:58 PM

I thank everyone for their advice and appreciate the time you have all taken to respond to my question. I will keep everyone posted on this situation. Thank you!! :)

JudyKayTee · Oct 13, 2008, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by brownchrisjoh

I thank everyone for their advice and appreciate the time you have all taken to respond to my question. I will keep everyone posted on this situation. Thank you!!! :)

Yes, please come back and let us know how it works out. And your experience may very well be most helpful to other people.