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hannah_nicole · Oct 13, 2008, 05:05 AM

In what I want in bed? Its not that he doesn't please me - he does - I just feel he is getting lazy in trying to keep me satisfied and interested.. probably due to my complascience and me giving him what he wants, I like to pleasure him but don't always feel this in return. Maybe he feels he is doing all of this and doesn't realise I'm feeling left out and untreasured at times. What can I do without hurting his feelings? How can I make HIM interested in what I want?

Chebaby · Oct 13, 2008, 05:35 AM

Well first of all have you tried talking to him about the things you would like him to do and what is not working with you in the bedroom?

If you have not done that then that's the first step you need to take with your man. Then find ways of working out what you can do in the bedroom... and honey a man is always intrested its when you stop being intrested then he would stop also...

kp2171 · Oct 13, 2008, 11:44 AM

Well, one way my partner and I have found to communicate, outside of the normal "lets talk about it" mode, is through shared reading.

We had decent success with my performing oral on her, for ex, but when she picked up She Comes First and said "this guy knows how to give a girl head" outloud while standing in the middle of barnes and noble I thought "what?! where? what?! let me see that." yes, I promply put down my book about building something, grilling something, winning something in sports, whatever, and I checked it out.

You'd better believe I paid special attention to the pages she dogeared after we bought it and read it at home. Some goes for other books we've shared.

When she needed more sensiual touch before sex we looked at books on massage.

When we were constantly bickering about how the other person wasn't paying attention to the other, her saying it to me, and my saying it to her... meaning we BOTH were trying to pay attention to each other... we shared Five Love Languages, and learned some things..

So... sharing a book can be a good way to talk about ideas in the book... a way to make it less personal, less " you dont do this" and more "this sounds really nice to me"...

It doesn't work for all situations, or all couples, but its been a nice bridge in my relationship that's allowed us to talk about our wants and desires without it being a blame game.

Choux · Oct 13, 2008, 12:16 PM

If you are worried about "not hurting his feelilngs" that means a couple of things... perhaps, you don't know how to talk about what you need from him in your relationship without getting excited(upset) and blaming?? Or, you are a people pleaser and are afraid if you require effort from the other person in a relationship with you, he will get mad and perhaps leave you??

Go out to a park with a sack lunch and a coke and bring up the topic using the "I" word... like: "I feel that_____________"

State your *feelings*. Make sure he knows they are your feelings, not an indictment of his sexual prowess. :)

Communication is the key in your problem.

Best wishes, lady! :)

Fr_Chuck · Oct 13, 2008, 01:45 PM

Couples should be free to talk about their sex lives, talk about what they want and different ways to have sex. If you can not talk to him there are even more problems.

SimpleguyJoe · Oct 14, 2008, 04:00 PM

Like what's been stated talk it out and if that does not work you can always get a little pushy with it. Don't do anything unless it's what you want to do. If he is like most us guys I'm sure he won't care how he is doing it as long as he is doing it.

But in the end beyond talking it out with him there is not a lot you can do. Being pushy would probably get you limited success because there is no way you can get him to be a better lover if you can't convince him verbaly.