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vertigo88 · Oct 12, 2008, 09:49 AM

My girlfriend and I were together for 9 months and most of it we were head over heals in love with each other and it was GREAT - then the odds started playing against us and she got glandular fever and her mother got cancer.
She broke up with me and said that she still loved me but her heart wasn't in it anymore and that she had to be there for her mum!
Now it seems like she's pushing everyone away and going out partying with her friends acting like life is great - I know better though.
I still love her so much but she is so cold towards me, she is trying to make me hate her and all I want to do is be there for her.
I tried so hard before to be there for her in her pain but she just pushed me away?
I would love so much to have her back but she keeps pushing me?

Can anyone shed some light on the subject or have any experience with grief and relationships? I really need some advice

High Max · Oct 12, 2008, 10:01 AM

Let me get this straight, her mother has cancer and she is going out to parties? This makes me second guess the breakup, using the illness as an excuse..

vertigo88 · Oct 12, 2008, 10:05 AM

I think she is doing that because its an outlet for her, she's going out with her friends that don't know about her problems.

High Max · Oct 12, 2008, 10:14 AM

When my dad had a heart attack in December, it did not cause me to push anyone away. My girlfriend was there for me. It did not cause me to fall out of love with my girlfriend at all. I was in no mood to go party crazy either. Any new guys been in her life, she been acting distant? Any other details?

vertigo88 · Oct 12, 2008, 10:21 AM

I didn't really know how to be there for her, I really tried but she took her mums cancer pretty hard! She was so miserable and unhappy and couldn't pretend around be because I could see through it. She did start acting distant towards me but there was no new guys in her life that I know of, she just said she lost all feeling for anyone and can't be in a relationship if she didn't have anything to give. That's what she said when she ended it with me, that was 4 weeks ago now.
I did all the begging and pleading and usuall that everyone does to try and get them back but the response was always the same.
I saw her yesterday and remained pleasant and said hello etc - then today she was messaging me telling me that I'm too nice to her she would prefer it if I hated her and that I'm not winning any points by being nice.
I have tired to re assure her that I'm there for her if she needs someone but said that I wasn't there for her then, I'm not now and she doesn't need me, she doesn't need ANYONE...
She is clearly in pain but is taking it out on me and hurting me. To me it doesn't matter and I will be there for her through this whole thing, even if she doesn't want anyone there for her

High Max · Oct 12, 2008, 10:25 AM

My own person theory is maybe that: you are too nice. I hate to say it, but if you are overly nice girls simply seem to fall out of love with you over time. It sounds incredibly strange and harsh I know, but just read the other questions here, and you will notice this Same pattern.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2008, 12:05 PM

The reasons for a break up, just don't matter!!!!! Stop thinking, and looking for reasons, when all you have to do is accept that she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and leave her alone.

That's as simple as it gets. Now coping with the feelings is a beeyatch!!