[packer04]

Well I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months. We are only friends as he was dumped by a woman whom he loved dearly(and still does)only 6 months ago. He said he can only offer friendship and can not tell me where this is going between us. He calls me everyday and nites(he works during the week, I weekends), we go out to dinner every week, he comes over for dinner every week, I have met his parents and friends and been out to dinner with all of them, been on day trips with him. We started getting closer-kissing,hugging all the great stuff and we both loved it. I sort of got confused there and got mixed signals. But he said we can't because it is stressing him out-now he seems distant, still calls me and comes over, but very depressed.So when we are together its just friends, nothing more. That's hard but I am doing it.I have feelings for him and they are getting stronger everyday for him. I have told him anytime he needs a friend to talk to or just hang out with I am here, and he does. I have been patient as he said he needs time and space. But I don't want to lose him as he and I both are so alike and he says I am exactly what he wants, but not now. I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to look anymore as he is a truly nice guy. Everyone on here has told me to be patient, but is there a time frame for that? Months even years does a person wait for another? He truly has a broken heart and needs to move on. I can only help him so much as I have been there myself. I would like to see him more or just talk to him more. But I guess I shouldn't want to do either. As friends can we possibly attain more than that. We are 49 and 50. My friends say to wait maybe 6 months to a year and I don't want to be his rebound and than he finds another to possibly love.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

He needs time to heal, naturally. But don't let him use you as a crutch. Don't hold yourself to him, if you see someone that you are interested in, take a date. Let him know that you aren't just sitting around for him. Has he said he sees a future with you?

[packer04]

No I am not just sitting around and he knows. But he can't tell me if he sees a future with me as he is still in love with someone that he knows he can' have. But he says I am everything he wants in a woman and he is to me. I feel myself falling for him as he is what I want. I truly care for him. What to do??

[talaniman]

I think you are way to available to him, and he may be taking advantage of you for his own emotional needs, just because of that.

As I remember it, I told you to be friends, but not to service his every need, nor let him be so dependent on you.

By wrapping up your hopes in him, I suspect just to have someone, you have allowed yourself to be to emotionally attached, and now he doesn't have to commit or work with you to see if you have a future. I think you expect him to see it as you do, but he doesn't.

I think the best thing you can do is back off ,and focus on you, and stop looking for someone to keep you from being alone. Build a life that you enjoy, without him and let him do his thing without your influence, or help and cut this emotional, and fulfilling dependence on each other.

Your doing all the heavy lifting, and not letting him decide to do his part, so its time to do something for yourself without him.

Sorry, but you really need to not have high hopes that your faithfully attentions, will be returned the way you want.

Back off, and let him earn what he wants, or keep stepping, as his actions are not matching his words, nor do I think he is being truthful at this point.

[Fr_Chuck]

Has he broken contact with his ex, what after 6 months is still holding him to not want to move on.

Sorry but something just does not sound right to me. Has he considered counseling to help him move on.

[packer04]

He has had no contact with her in 6 months. He says we have everything in common, I am everything he wants, but his feelings are still with her. I am nice to him, see him once a week. He calls everyday. We just click. But I do my own thing and he does a few things once in a while without me. He hates being alone like I so we are good company for one another. And I have backed off-we both have as we both were getting attached. So I am being a good friend like everyone needs out there.

[AskJenny]

He's hurt and afraid to try again so soon isn't he? And you're willing to wait on him but how long? It could take him years; you know that don't you?. and it could take him 6 mo. And he'd be ready but if he gets his wings and feels free again; or guys ask him to go out; see what's out there... I don't think he's going to land on your door right away; he'll want to test out those wings a few times before he decides at 50 that he's already got the lady and he had her all along; that would be you. Boys will be boys most of the time! Hopefully at 50 it won't take him long to realize how wonderful you are and that he should be so thankful you've been with him through tough times for him. Just be his friend for now; friend w/benefits is up to you and he at your age you know what you're getting in to and out of.
Not to make him jealous but to make him realize that you're not holding one card and one card only for him; talk about other guys; see his reaction to it. I'd say tell him he's the one you want but that'll scare him so don't do that... just talk to him as you would a girlfriend for now.