[Mom of 2]

I agree with Talaniman (couldn't rate your answer).

Tabbarat, why do you continue to say that you got her back?

BTW - What are the qualities that of this girl that you are so in love with? You never stated them. Is that because you are having a hard time saying what they are? Whenever anyone asks me what I love about my boyfriend, I can rattle them off one right after the other. AND I never get "tired" of saying what they are. Don't tell someone else to get with the program until you are with the program yourself.

[wikedjuggalo]

I agree with Talaniman (couldn't rate your answer).

Tabbarat, why do you continue to say that you got her back?

BTW - What are the qualities that of this girl that you are so in love with? You never stated them. Is that because you are having a hard time saying what they are? Whenever anyone asks me what I love about my boyfriend, I can rattle them off one right after the other. AND I never get "tired" of saying what they are. Don't tell someone else to get with the program until you are with the program yourself.

I waited on a reply. I think he enjoys the chase more then the actual capture.

[tabbarat]

I never said I FULLY got her back... but it was 2 things that made us PARTIALLY get back: 1) her ex isn't here 2) me being in the picture, flirting, giving space, etc. CONFUSING HER, doing what I did..

Mattias and everyone else, I invite you to come to dubai and see us together... then tell me that "i only love the chase, dont love her, and etc."

I was never a sentimental person, so forgive me if I don't feel like writing a poem here... but if you guys look back on the posts, you will see that I did write them once.. about how we have fun together, we talk for hours, never argue, have pet names for each other, tease each other, kiss, etc... there are many, trust me

Anyway, I'm bored of going back and proving to you all that she also feels the same way for me.. it should be easier for her to tell me to fcuk off since she now is talking to her ex again, but she doesn't,. so either she still really likes me/doesnt want me out of her life OR I'm that much of a good kisser/lover and wants me physically... you choose.. actually, I'll tell u... its BOTH.. in her own words

tabbarat has left the building...

Hahahah... btw, I love how I have a red box for "bad reputation"... keep 'em coming

Bad reputation huh? Girls love bad boys ;)... but I'm sure you all will remember me for years to come... tabbarat, the guy that didn't listen to anyone on this website and went on his own way :)

Take care all

Whoa! Who said I was leaving? I was just taking time off a bit because there was nothing new to say, and evrytime I update, I get a negative comment... so I think maybe I'll only write whenevr smthg big/significant happens

Don't worry, ladies.. im here to stay! :)

But I do want to thank you all for your advice... I really do feel I have met some really nice and intelligent people here...

Take care

We kind of touched on that serious conversation subject today...

We have never fought, not once in the 6 mnths I've known her!. so I pointed that out to her today and started to pick a fight as a joke ;)

She told me to stop because she had 10 yrs of fights with her ex, and doesn't want to have any with me! And that she loves how we get along, and understand each other, etc. :)

I then asked her what they used to fight about, she told me... but I could see from her tone/what she was saying that she still has feelings for him

So I told her that if she does decide to be with me, I would never make her cry and be good to her... I respect (not like/agree with) the fact that she still has feelings for her ex of 10 yrs, but that she should know a good thing when she sees it, because it won't be there forever! Not to get too comfortable

I told her I'm happy the way things are now, and how we are taking things slow, still talking, kissing, etc... BUT it can't last forever... eventually I will meet someone

She said she understands, she really likes me, and she is "angry at how her past still affects her, and wishes it was so easy for her to move on and just be with me bc that is what she wants"

So conclusion: we both really like each other, we both hope to move forward together, but for now we both are still happy the way it is now

The only new thing is that I said that that eventually I will meet someone new who appreciates me and it can't stay like this forever (for her not to get too comfortable)

So for now I guess, things are still the same, but at least the subject was touched on

Anyway, then we made out and I dropped her home :)

Take care all

[brandibaby23]

Damn I guess this could be the end of the line huh?? Well you can write me and tell me what goes on I am bored and interested lol. Sorry dear. I will give no more advise since you have gotten so much already but I would still be interested in knowing the out come

[talaniman]

Tabbarat;1315237, hahahah... btw, I love how I have a red box for "bad reputation"... keep 'em coming

Go back and read why you have them, and see how you EARNED them, nothing personal.

Bad reputation huh? Girls love bad boys ;)... but I'm sure you all will remember me for years to come... tabbarat, the guy that didn't listen to anyone on this website and went on his own way :)

You have that right to listen, or do as you choose, and actually, your not any different than many of the people who come here, looking for suggestions and insights to help them through their situation, and if you had really read some of the other posts, their attitude WAS the same as yours, until they learned for themselves that the advice given, was to help, because people really cared.

Take care all

I hope it works out, I really do.

[Chery]

Honey, there is no reason for you to leave, and please don't get offended. I don't know who gave you the bad rating, but it should not be there, as you are living your life, and trying your best - and that's all we can do.

You just have a different view of life for yourself. And I think it's nice for her to pay attention to you because I bet you are a fun guy to be with, joke with, talk for hours.. You are just not 'permanent material' in my eyes, but that does not make you a bad guy! I hope you stay on - and so does this young lady, otherwise she would have completely broken with you by now. So, you do have qualities as a fun person and friend.

Just be assured that we (I) will be here when you need to talk - and give us a follow-up, no matter how it turns out. It's always nice to be able to talk to people who know a little about the real you and if/when you need someone, I'll be here. We all have a choice and right to follow a path that we feel best in, right or wrong, so do what your 'gut' feelings tell you to do for now, but also know that when the time comes for you to be really serious about someone and want to work on it, there are different ways for you to try..

At present, you just don't have a crucial relationship problem, you just have a different view... that's all I want to tell you right now. Come back any time..

Chery
She does enjoy still being with you, so enjoy that time, no matter for how long.

[slapshot_oi]

Dude, I'm going through the same thing, to a T. I'm sure this was already stated; don't contact her and let her come to you. It's a bad idea to tell her what she wants and what she's missing, by doing that, you'll just give her control of the situation and then she can write you off easier than ever.

If it turns out she chooses her ex-boyfriend over you, like you said, it's her loss.

[Mom of 2]

You still need to have that serious conversation at some point. Let her come to you and then have it. Really think about what you are going to say and HOW you are going to say it.

[tabbarat]

Look what happened today.. the past 10 days, me and my ex have been seeing each other and talking everyday and everything good and we kiss and flirt, etc...

So today I was going to a night club.. when I told her, she got pissed... she told me she might come and surprise me... I told her OK, but if you catch me with a girl she is my cousin :P.. I was kidding/teasing her... I send her a message of a kiss to make her feel better, she didn't reply... I don't get it, she tells me she still has feelings for her ex and wants to take things slow... when I tell her I'm going clubbing, she gets pissed?

Then, at 2 am she calls me and says she is outside the club? I was shocked, so I go outside, and she is with another girl and 2 guys (not very nice looking, so didn't get jealous ;))! The bouncers didn't let her in because our table was full... so she said its OK, we'll go somewhere else.. so I told her "ok, bye"

I don't get what she tried to do?. I invited her to come with me to the night club originally, she says no because she is tired... and then she gets pissed at me for going!. I send her a nice message, she doesn't reply... then she comes with 2 guys and a girl? To the same place I'm in? And wants to see me?

Anyway, I'm going to act like its cool... tmrw I'm going to tell her, "ur friends seemed nice, we should all do smthg, etc..how was ur night"... play it cool

She wants to not only be with me because of her ex, but I'm supposed to not go out and try to hook up? No way... she can't have her cake and eat it too!

What you guys think?

Regards


Exactly... she still has feelings for her ex, but gets jealous when I tell her I'm going clubbing...

Tmrw I'll just play it cool, not pick a fight or bring up the subject

She has to learn that as long as she is not FULLY with me, I'm technically still single

By the way, she isn't kissing/sleeping with someone else... her ex of 10 yrs is back in ukraine, so long distance... so she makes out with me and has feelings for me, but also still has ffelings for her ex... interesting huh? :)


Hahah... I haven't heard from you in a while, ash; and always thought you gave fair advice, and THIS is all you have to say :)


I agree, mom of 2

Its part of 'if I can't have him, no one can"!

i am starting to tire of the game...i realized it when i felt that she went there to "prevent" me from hooking up/got pissed that I went out

She has to realize that either be with me/go forward, or else I'm still technically single.. and we all know how I like my hot tamales ;)

I still want to be with my ex and hope we move forward, but until then, going to play it cool and try to live my life

[Mom of 2]

I think that you are starting to see the picture. Seems like she does want to have her cake and eat it too. Until she makes her decision of what she wants to do, she should have no hold on you and you should not have any hold on her (no, I know that you have not). However, it is always confusing for someone to be making out with you one minute and then being out with someone else the next. I never quite understood that. Call me old fashioned, but I find it hard to believe that a person would be able to handle making out/having sex or whatever is going on with more than one person. Then again, that is just me.

I don't know what is going on in her mind, as I am not her. However, it does appear that she is jealous. It is human nature to want something that you can't have. It is good to know that you were able to have some kind of conversation with her.

[Ash123]

:-)

[slapshot_oi]

Ha, everything you write is precisely what I'm going through. I haven't talked to my "girlfriend" since Sunday, and it's mostly because of her sh*tbag boyfriend she had for seven years. He may be putting thoughts in her head, they may be talking/seeing each other as I write this, she may still have feelings for him (probably the case), God knows what. Either way, I hope he packs up all his sh*t and moves away.

In the meantime, I think I'll take your path and play it cool.

[liz28]

You and her are both playing games with one another. Eventually someone will get sick of playing and realize tricks are for kids.

[Mom of 2]

Yeah, they are still playing games, but it looks like he is starting to tire of it. I never thought that his keeping the status quo would be able to go on forever.

Tabberat, I think that you are starting to see what we have been saying for so long. Sometimes you have to do something that will force the other person to react. However, stop with trying to make her jealous (this is where you are playing games). From what you have written in your most recent posts, deep down inside, I don't think that you really like what is going on. Don't tell her what you will be doing (going clubbing, etc). You don't owe her that. That will only make her act in jealous ways and you definitely don't want that. Instead, take baby steps and start focusing on something else other than her - because you being in contact with her is not progressing the situation, is it? Instead, it is keeping you stagnant and it is telling her that what is going on at the present moment is okay and there is no need to change - ever. Just because someone is jealous does not mean that they are in love with you. It is human nature to want what you can't have; no one wants to be rejected. She is catching a glimpse of the fact that maybe you will be able to be with someone else and that is what she does not like. She may not be able to be with you totally, but she also does not want anyone else to be with you totally. That is unfair to you. If she is not willing to give you want you want and deserve then you are within your rights to find it elsewhere. She does not want that to happen. That is very selfish of her to do that. That is not true love.

[tabbarat]

Yeah play it cool... be in the pic, but cool... girls like what they can't have fully

[jedidah]

Run boy Run Run... we never win fights with ghosts specially those who have been around for that long..
If she wants u then let her want u right now she wants u around when she need to feel like she didn't do somthin wrong not getting married trying to prove to herself that 'there's somthin out there!

[Romefalls19]

I've never understood why we try to fight someone from leaving. If they want to leave, why do we think we could convince them to stay?

One thing I've learned through my relationships is you get a hell of a lot farther walking on your 2 feet than crawling on your knees

[slapshot_oi]

I've never understood why we try to fight someone from leaving. If they want to leave, why do we think we could convince them to stay?

One thing I've learned through my relationships is you get a hell of a lot farther walking on your 2 feet than crawling on your knees

You answered your own question; experience teaches us how to deal with break-ups more maturely.

I'd consider someone lucky if they had a bad relationship experience while they were young. There's a lot to be learned from something like that.

[tabbarat]

Latest update: for the past few days, I pick her up from work... today I send her a message saying I'm picking her up at 7pm... I go to pick her up, she is not there.. I call and she tells me that she was sleeping and just saw the message! I told her that I didn't believe her, and she should have called/messaged instead of making me go all the way there like a driver, etc.. we fought a bit... and hung up

Then later I sent her a message saying "u know what, it doesnt matter...i dont care...i was only trying to be nice by picking u up...take care"

She calls back and then the truth comes out: she tells me that she is pissed at me because she didn't really feel that I wanted her to come with me to the night club last night (which is a bit true).. she said that I didn't invite her, and that when she didn't get inside the club I said "ok, bye" as if I didn't care...

I told her its not true, etc. I wanted her to come, but to put herself in my place... I come out of the club and I see her with 2 guys... she said they are no one, my dad's friends from ukraine... I told her anyway, I don't care, her boyfriend is the one that should care, not me ;).. we hang up

Then I message her later, telling her I'm going to another club tonight and if she wants to come (inviting her)... she said no thanks, I don't like that place... I told her "no problem, it would have been nice, but do what makes u comfortable"

Where is this coming from?

I think I'm going to tell her tmrw: "fcuking move forward with me, or accept that im single and want to party alone sometimes"

[talaniman]

Hmm, Reminds me of the cave man days, when you hit them over the head with club, and drag them to your cave.

If you have to make them be with you, its not worth it.

Last chance, disappear from her life, and end this drama.