[PJ1]

We have been marriged for 18 years. We had problems about 9 years ago and I thought I was doing the right things to make it work. Now it doesn't look that way. I found out that he has an afaire since the beginning of the year. I didn't foundout until 8 months later. Now I found out that his lover went back to her ex boyfriend. I don't know if they really broke up. Do I have a chance to get him back? If so what do I have to do not for this to happen again? I know what I did wrong before and don't want to make the same mistakes. Has anybody gone through this as well?

[div2wice]

I have been cheated on twice, both by husbands. Unfortunately, we often blame ourselves. We didn't "give" them what they needed, we did this, we did that. Then we think if we change our behavior or actions, they won't cheat again. Unfortunately, that is not the truth.
Cheaters will cheat no matter what the situation. They often blame their actions on us not doing something, however its just an excuse to push blame on anyone but themselves. They do this out of guilt, to make themselves feel better.
Unless you & he agree to go to counceling, and really put all your effort into working this out, there is no point in continuing. You cannot do ANYTHING to stop him from cheating again. Don't change yourself for someone else...
Try counceling, see what he says about it. If he's willing to go and really try at it, then that is a positive start.

[talaniman]

Stop taking responsibility for his bad behavior. He is a cheater, that's not your fault its his.

Its a big red flag to me that you would actually think this is all your fault and you really need some personal, professional help.

Sorry, but you could be better off without this jerk.

[liz28]

There's nothing you can do to prevent him from from cheating. You can cook his favorite meal everyday, dres sexy or in outfits of his choice, cut his toenails, rub his back,etc he will do what he wants because you can't control his actions only him. In order for your marriage to work he has to do his part to make it work not only you. He should be trying to make it work and working on improving the marriage since he broke the trust because trust is hard to regain after someone betrays you.

[AskJenny]

19 years is a long time but a cheater's a cheater and it's nothing you've done wrong. Cheater's cheat looking for attention, sexual, emotional or now online cyber stuff even. The other posters are correct... seek counseling, talk it out w/him and if he doesn't show you the trust you need; then I am sad to say I would end this long term marriage or be prepared to always be checking and watching what he does and that will grow very tiresome on you. YOU are the prize; you deserve a happy life not one filled with suspicion.

[badbrains]

I think if your heart is really into getting this marriage patched up,and it doesn't work out at least you could walk away knowing you did everything in your power to keep the one you love. I wish you good luck