[unknown 19]

Hi I don't know how to start as I have never told anyone this before.when I was 11 years old my father died tradically. My mom and dad split up when I was 2 years old but they were always really good friends. My mother remarried when I was 10.everything was good then when my father died he started to abuse me. I never told my mam this she had a really bad time with previous partners and I have never seen her so happy than what she is now. I am now 19 and I have a great partner I love him so much but I haven't had sex with him yet and he is starting to thinnk I don't love him and I do I'm just scared. I tried concelling but it don't work and I don't know what to do I don't want to lose my partner.

[HistorianChick]

Be honest with him. Tell him your history and if he is a good man, he will understand and you will be able to work through it together.

I'm sorry for what you went through as a child. Have you ever told your mother? That would be the first step. I recommend telling someone, this isn't something that you should have to carry by yourself - it was an illegal act, and should be dealt with.

Regarding your current partner. Tell him why you are uncomfortable with sex. He shouldn't force you, nor should you feel you have to do it to prove your love. Sex doesn't prove love - it simply proves that you're a woman, not a man.

Don't be pressured into it by ANYONE... even your own guilt.

Best of luck, dear.

[unknown 19]

No I have never told my mother as I think it will kill her she has been through too much. And its my word against his will she beleve me.and what if my partner leaves me or gose to find him.

[HistorianChick]

Dear heart, if your partner leaves you because you refuse to sleep with him (or are uncomfortable doing so) he is not a partner that you want to keep. Love is more than just sex.

You need to tell someone about this. Are you in college? Have you considered a school counselor or an outside counselor?

[Choux]

Dear u,

You have to get all your thoughts and feelings out about your sexual abuse when you were yonger.

Do this with a *professional*, a therapist *immediately*----you are not ready to have sexual relations with anyone and expect a positive outcome.

Best wishes in the future, :)