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myheart0345 · Oct 8, 2008, 10:45 AM

So we broke up last week and he was very eager to bring me my stuff back and get his stuff back. When he got here on Saturday he said he forgot like half of my stuff. So he ended up leaving his stuff because he said he will be back anyway. So he called me today and he wants to bring me the rest of my stuff this Saturday. I need advice on how to act when he comes. There were still things I wanted to talk about but every time I bring it up he wants to get off the phone. I know if I bring up anything about our relationship he will just want to leave. I don't know if I should bring it up anyway and not care about his feelings or just act like I don't care and give him his stuff. I also asked him since he wanted to break up with me I can bring him his stuff when he's not home so he doesn't have to see me or "deal" with me and as for mine I don't really need it.. but he keeps saying he wants to bring it on Saturday.. what should I do?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-267198.html

There's the link to my other post..

myheart0345 · Oct 8, 2008, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by OhSoLow

cry about it you big baby

Thanks for that. You could have at least said something more maeningful, even if you didn't like what I posted.. maybe something worth reading.

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 8, 2008, 10:55 AM

The relationship is over, so what would be the point of bringing up the past.

Romefalls19 · Oct 8, 2008, 10:57 AM

Ignore the first post as it is completely immature. Don't bring it up, it's not worth it. He has expressed his feelings by not wanting to discuss the relationship, show him that you are strong without him and can stand on your own two feet because you can! You are a strong person and can overcome this, trust me!

myheart0345 · Oct 8, 2008, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

the relationship is over, so what would be the point of bringing up the past.

True. So how should I act? Like I don't care at all? Should I even allow him to come here just to bring some dvds and some clothes?

myheart0345 · Oct 8, 2008, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ignore the first post as it is completely immature. Don't bring it up, it's not worth it. He has expressed his feelings by not wanting to discuss the relationship, show him that you are strong without him and can stand on your own two feet because you can! You are a strong person and can overcome this, trust me!

I will show him that I'm strong. But I don't get why he's so eager to come here. I told him I don't really need that stuff so we don't have to see each other but he keeps insisting that he comes.

Romefalls19 · Oct 8, 2008, 11:09 AM

I insisted that after my ex ended it that we exchange right away, to sever it all very quickly and be done with it. The night we broke up, I packed up all her stuff and it was ready for her the next day, I didn't want to be reminded of it

BMI · Oct 8, 2008, 11:22 AM

He didn't forget anything. He is using it as another reason to see you and put himself in front of you. Why? Could be a lot of reasons, a reaction from you, wanting to see you miss him or it affects you somehow.

How to act? I wouldn't "pretend" anything, if you have something to say than say it, if not be silent and act like you would act normally. Be polite, don't ask why, and let him behave the way he will.

HistorianChick · Oct 8, 2008, 11:26 AM

If you feel uncomfortable, how about seeing if a good friend could be there while he picks up his things? That would take away from the awkward silences and also give you a diversion.

As BMI said, if you have something to say, say it. Don't throw things in his face, but be calm, rational, and just say what you are thinking.

Consider a friend. It may help. :)

myheart0345 · Oct 8, 2008, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by BMI

How to act? I wouldn't "pretend" anything

Last time after a couple of awkward minutes I hugged him and than he kissed me.. I told him I missed him and he said "i know babe i do too" which confused me even more. But I haven't seen him since than. I just know that when he comes I won't want him to leave.. but I know I have too.. maybe I will have a friend there.. it might make it easier...

JBeaucaire · Oct 8, 2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by myheart0345

True. So how should i act? Like i don't care at all? should I even allow him to come here just to bring some dvds and some clothes?

Is that how you act with strangers... like you don't care? I doubt that is true.

You need to let go of the extremist attitude. You don't have to ambush him with relationship talk, and you don't have to act rude or like you don't care. In fact, you don't have to "act" at all. You can just be you. You're feeling hurt, so don't do/say things that will serve no purpose but to make you/him feel worse. Breaking up is painful, let it be what it is and don't poke at it.

It's most likely over with this guy. All the posturing you two are doing now is serving no constructive purpose. You don't have to wait until Saturday. You and a friend take his stuff over to him tonight, pick your things up, and wish him well.

"I'm not free on Saturday, so we thought we'd save you a trip since we were in the area tonight anyway." That's all the explanation you need to give (if he asks at all.)

Wish him well, MEAN it, and move on. You'll be fine, but mostly when you stop having to look back over your shoulder at yesterday (him).

talaniman · Oct 10, 2008, 08:35 AM

Why are you drawing out the misery and pain of a break up?? Are a few DVD's and clothes worth all this drama?

Get this resolved ASAP, and start the healing process, and don't be distracted by stuff!!

liz28 · Oct 10, 2008, 01:09 PM

When he comes don't let him in. Simply exchange your things at the door or met him outside. Don't kiss or show any shows of affection. You don't owe him that, get your things and part way. If he forget something again and it's nothing of value then let it go because this can continue.

motivated · Oct 24, 2008, 01:15 PM

Girl, you boy playing games!! You're saying how should you react but you're acting just the way he's expecting you to act. First of all if he's so eager to put things to an end, he would not have left your things at his place then tell you that he's going back to get your stuff and leave his behind!! Men cannot stand pressure; they just can't take it!! This is not who they were cut out to be... they do not think on the same emotional level as a woman. So when an issue comes up that may seem somewhat fixable to you, the only thing that he feels, is just to throw in the towel. Back off a bit... give him the space he wants; he'll respect you more. But the more you whine and try to arm wrestle a conversation out of him, the more he'll shut down. Just chill... if he really loves you; he'll be back. In the meantime instead of thinking of him constantly 24 hours a day, find something constructive to take your mind off the drama in your lovelife. Then just when you're starting to adjust to the positive changes that you've made in your life and it doesn't so bad anymore... girl, look who's calling or look who's at the door!!

Been there, done that more than was necessary!!

If he's doesn't call or ever come back, he wasn't the one for you in the first place and you're still better off!!