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Guidostern · Oct 6, 2008, 05:31 PM

Well, it's day 10 of NC... can't say that it's necessarily getting easier, but it doesn't hurt as much...

The problem is that her brother calls me last night and says that something terrible happened to her. He's not one to lie to me at all, or anyone else for that matter... I won't go into details about what happened, but it's not good.

I feel like I need to contact her, but when he asked her if she was going to call me, she said "No, it will just make him very angry and I don't want to do that to him."

So, I have tried my hardest since last night to keep NC flowing through like I should, but I after hearing what I heard, I can't help but be concerned about her well being and safety even though it's no longer my responsibility.

BrewCrew0981 · Oct 6, 2008, 07:48 PM

While you still care her as a person (and probably still more), you are doing the right thing by staying NC. She made the decision to no longer want you in her life, now she has to deal with it.

Guidostern · Oct 6, 2008, 07:59 PM

Yeah, but I feel so terrible not calling to check on her... I know she's scared that telling me the problem will make me angry... I guess if she wanted me to know, she would have told me... but at the same time, I almost feel that it is still my responsibility to check on her... even though I'm 500 miles away.

I've called one of my old co-workers at the PD there and he said that he would keep an eye on her and make sure she's okay... I'm still staying with NC that way, and I can be assured that she's all right...

hjpan · Oct 6, 2008, 08:04 PM

Try to focus on yourself.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 6, 2008, 08:13 PM

Meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

BrewCrew0981 · Oct 6, 2008, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 6, 2008, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

hjpan · Oct 6, 2008, 08:18 PM

Find new hobbies.

For me, it's about tuning cars and drifting.

BrewCrew0981 · Oct 6, 2008, 08:23 PM

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 6, 2008, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

Hmm to be honest I do not feel that way. I enjoyed the time we had and frankly look back at it as a learning experience. Only thing I'm upset at is not realizing the signs before it happened. But now I know and have learned.

Guidostern · Oct 7, 2008, 06:53 AM

Well, I still haven't tried to contact her at all. I went to work last night and stayed pretty busy... it helped me a lot, but after I got off this morning, I still feel bad.

One of my best friends and myself are starting to go to the gym and he's teaching me MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) and I'm teaching him how to play guitar... so it's kind of an even trade... so that's been keeping my mind off things too...

No matter how hard I try though, I still want to call her... it's hard because I can't just say "Oh, I'm better off without the person that loved me like no other for five years!" Yeah, I'm relieved that we're not fighting/arguing or whatever, but that doesn't mean that I can just turn off my feelings about this girl...

Fredj88 · Oct 7, 2008, 08:32 AM

You can do it nc is the hardest thing I have ever done my ex MSG me a few days ago I just had to sign out I can't risk it starting ms over

Guidostern · Oct 8, 2008, 06:27 AM

Well, day 11 and quite frankly, I feel like crap. I slept all day yesterday and then went to work last night... work was horrible... had to talk to this girl who looked just like my ex... it sent me on a tail spin... I finally seemed to regain control around 5 this morning... but then I just had to turn on the da*n radio, and it was there again...

You're right Fred, this is very hard... I can't believe how hard it is to just simply not call/text/email someone...

AskJenny · Oct 8, 2008, 07:35 AM

Don't worry about what your friends think; worry about what you think. Most of the time we have the answers to what we know we should do in our heads but our hearts rule and so we take no action. Do you care for her? Are you at odds with each other all the time? Maybe you two were just meant to be friends? You don't say your ages or the length of this relationship and that can also play a factor here.
Moving on with NC does mean you need to stay busy; take on a new project or hobby; call an old or new friend; start working out, lean on your family and friends now; they are there for you but do not give them 100% of your emotions, that gets wearing on everyone... take a break every now and then and tell them tonight we have no talk about her; tonight is movie night or fun night and then try to stick to that... let them see shades of the old you shine through... AND if you really miss this girl after 6 months; then call and talk to her; ask her out for lunch on even ground. If the feelings are there which I'm going to guess you've have moved on by then.

Guidostern · Oct 8, 2008, 08:09 AM

Well, we were together for 5 years. I had asked her to marry me in March... of course I care for her, I care for her a great deal... she's the woman that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with...

She's 24 and I'm 28... I know the feelings will be there in six months... not because I want them to be, but just because I know they will be...

talaniman · Oct 8, 2008, 08:50 AM

Yes they will, but they won't be as intense.

Your still FRESH.

AskJenny · Oct 8, 2008, 12:04 PM

I'm sorry you are in turmoil. I know it's hard, you hear a song, see a favorite food, almost anything and there she is again... in your thoughts... YOU have to channel those thoghts elsewhere... Try the rubberband trick... everytime you think of her you snap that rubberband you wera on your wrist; it hurts and it helps you stop thinking of her... or turn of the TV, don't visit that bar or restaurant... you have to switch it up a bit... and in doing so you might just discover a new you... give it a try! Go visit that health club today, or whatever your hobby is... find one if you don't have one and throw yourself into it. There are plenty of fish in the sea; you're just channeling for one now instead of opening your horizong to what could be out there around the corner waiting.

MC12545 · Oct 8, 2008, 03:21 PM

I feel you pain all. 5 days with NC contact.

Guidostern · Oct 12, 2008, 08:45 AM

Well, it's day 15 and I don't really know how I feel right now. Went out with some friends last night, had a few drinks and ended up crashing at my best friends house since I was apparently in no condition to drive...

There is still some pain there, but not like it was... today I'm unsure if I would really want the relationship back at this point... don't get me wrong, I still feel the same as I did the day I left... I care for her like no other, but I have started to think; is it really healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone where everything seems to have a price on it? I don't think so...

hard_times · Oct 12, 2008, 11:40 AM

Convince yourself, that you can go nc, and you don't need to know what she's doing. That is the first hurdle, 5 years in a huge amount of time, you clearly have the skills to maintain a healthy relationship, think of the good points that can help you move on and look to the future. Change your life plan, so that its all about you.