[Theish]

I have read these forums up and down and honestly I have tried a lot of the suggestions already posted to no avail. It might be just because I am a weak willed person with no real convictiono and although I know we are not meant to be together now I so hope that in the future we are meant to be together again.
The story though is that basically we were friends through out high school and I will admit this now I liked her from the very fist time that I saw her and eventually we wound up being friends and later on best friends. I find myself to be very a weird guy so finding someone who actually understood me was just NICE. Now through out all of high school nothing happened cause first of all I am a coward when it comes to making first steps in anything and she never came out and said that she liked me to her. Then she went off to college and things changed I kept in touch with her and soon the dreadful relationship talk started coming up and she really wanted to do it and I did too and eventually we did. We started going out and I gave my all to her even my first time that I was honestly saving for someone special that I could see myself with for years to come. But as time went on she started to ignore everything I was saying and making obvious attempts at not spending any time with me. Now first I will say this through out our whole relationship I was basically a ing mess I was going through some family stuff some life decision stuff and ultimately I was just a depressed mess. We started arguing all the time about how she ignored me and how she never wanted to spend time alone with me and how I am depressing to be around and just arguing about everything and anything. We went through the whole break up and get back together schtick a couple of times. And a year and half later she said she didn't want to be with me anymore and that she didn't love me anymore. And the only reason she stayed with me until then was because of my other situations. She said that we should break up but I am her best friend the only person who understands her and that she still wanted to be friends with me. At first I said yeah and I tried but it didn't work out I was still trying to get back with her because I had finally settled out of all of my other problems and just feeling better in general. And honestly I feel that I ruined the relationship by such a mess all the time. But I always thought that the person you were with was suppose to help you out. Anyway though it finally came to a point where I just couldn't talk to her anymore cause every time I did I would go down that whole why did you break up with me thing. I spent some time apart from her while every once in a while text messaging her or something. And then there came a point when I realized that it just wasn't right to be with her. We are different people now she isn't able to support herself let alone be a shoulder for someone else, she is selfish,uncaring etc but I still wanted to be friends with her cause I still loved her and hoped that maybe in a couple of years she would gradually just change on her own and maybe we could hook back up. I really love this girl and always told her that I would marry her and stuff and she always said she felt the same. Anyway off from the point we start talking again and things seem cool. I am still not thinking of getting back together with her and when ideas pop into my head reasoning fixes that. Now I go and visit her for a weekend cause she lives in a distant city and she is all over me. Hugging me making those eyes and trying to lay up under me and everything. Telling me how she is starting to take interest in everything I was talking to her about beforehand and she even throughout the whole weekend is trying to seduce me and I admit she succeeded. And it was like right after the sex she just reverted back to her old self saying well I don't think we should ever do that again and now two weeks later everything is exactly the same except now she is actually moving on and talking to another guy now. I told her how I feel about the situation and she just sits there and says things like I don't know and whatever or whatever. I am laying in bed with her as I type this and she is exhibiting all of the traits that shows she is over me like sleeping with her back towards me constantly pulling away at my touch and the like. But now I am back to square one and I am screwed like royally screwed I want to come out and say I still love you won't you please get back with me and stuff but I know it won't do anything she won't care and that hurts me oh so much. She tells me I am just being melodramatic and all of that stuff but she just doesn't realize how much I loved her cause she didn't love me as much. I don't know I am lost and I serously need help. Like serously and I don't have any friends I am a wallflower to the extreme and all of the things I am interested disinterest everyone else. And yes I know this is horrible mix of misspellings and gramatical errors but please work with me.

[buymeanewlife]

Ok, first of all, you need to get some things going outside of this relationship. You are WAY too focused on it right now, and that isn't going to help anything. Do you have a job? If not, get one. Even if it's just working at a store, get yourself out doing something and meeting people. You say the things you are interested in, no one else is. That can't possibly be true. Make friends--do everything you can to meet new people. Yeah, it's tough, I've never been a social butterfly either, but if you start TRYING, you'd be surprised. Look for social events, activities, classes, sports. Even if you're not that interested in the focus of whatever the thing is, it puts you in situations to meet new people, and that is EXACTLY what you need right now.

Secondly, you need to realize that this girl is not the be all and end all of women. Yeah, you love her, but a lot of the time, that just isn't enough. She needs to love you back, and it sounds like (at the very least) she doesn't know if she does. You need to let her figure that out. Back away from it. You said she lives in a distant city. Stop visiting her for a while. Stop talking to her for a while. Give yourself at least three months. If she wants to be with you, she'll come around, if she doesn't, then it's good you found that out. First loves are the hardest to get over, but you get over them, and you a learn a hell of a lot about relationships in the process. So, back off from her right now--and NO sex, NO sleeping over, none of that. If that comes up again, you need to tell her that if she doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you, then she doesn't get the perks of being in a relationship with you.

So, 1) tell her that if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, then you need some time apart to clear your head. 2) Get away from her. Get out, make new friends, get involved in things. Get some things in your life other than her. 3) Profit?

I'm not going to say it's easy, because it's not at all. But it's what you need to do. It never feels like it, but your life will go on after her. Don't be strung along like this.

[chuff]

I'm going to be honest with you. I read about 3 lines of that OP and didn't read the rest and I already know what your problem is. With in your first 3 lines you defined yourself as "weak minded," "weird," and a "coward." First of all, being weird depending on your definition isn't the worst thing in the world. I do some weird things and women think it's funny because I'm not like everyone else. So you have to accept some things as postives. Second, you have to quit defining yourself as weak minded and a coward. Those are feelings and those can be changed if you start working on taking positive steps for positve results in your life. If you see yourself as a coward then your brain acts accordingly and you do cowardly things. If you see yourself as strong then again your brain acts accordingly. That has nothing to do with women. That's an internal thing that you must change and you no matter how many women, 1 or 100, come and go you can stay true to yourself through your own inner strength.

[talaniman]

Even us weird guys have to love ourselves before we can love others, so that's where it starts with you and how you feel about yourself.

How old are you?