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Bural21 · Oct 4, 2008, 10:51 AM

My boyfriend recently broke up with me. We had been dating for a year and 5 months. We have had some rocky moments, but have grown on them. In recent weeks prior to the break-up everything seemed so... perfect... almost. So I obviously was blind sited. He's my best friend, and we still talk. However, I want him as a boyfriend. I told him I was sorry for what I had done to cause him to break up with me and explained myself. He said he isn't sure if he can take me back yet. What can I do to show him how sorry I am, and to possibly get him back as more then just a friend?

And before you ask, I'll explain why he left me. One night, we made plans for a Friday night to hang out, grab a pizza and just watch movies together. The Thursday before that, I asked if we were still on for Friday. He said he wasn't sure, so I got all y. He said "I might have plans, I don't know for sure though." And my response was a selfish, but we have plans. However, his best friend was in town for that weekend and he barely gets to see him, and so I got mad that he was ditching me... but for good reason, as I see now.

Please help guys. :)

JBeaucaire · Oct 4, 2008, 04:02 PM

You can ask him out, then be nice... for a VERY long time. There is no shortcut or "trick". Pick a night, ask him out. Don't ask him to be your boyfriend, ask him to be your date. Then be a good date.

Leave "crazy-needy-let's-talk-about-relationships-girl" at home.

Bural21 · Oct 4, 2008, 07:45 PM

Today he called and asked to hang and, so I said yes. However, he then called back saying that his best friend finally got in and that they have made plans. I sad okay, have fun. He's been texting me occasionally and I haven't really been responding to anything. I've been trying to give him the space he asked for and just kind of waiting in a way for him to call. Am I going about this the right way?

JBeaucaire · Oct 4, 2008, 09:24 PM

Giving him space is correct. It is HIS space, after all, you don't actually "give" it to him, you just stop taking what isn't yours.

Now, what you do in the meantime is important too. You should feel free to date others, go out with friends... no waiting around wondering what he's doing.

Simply put, enjoy the time you have together, but keep it in perspective.

NorthernNiceGuy · Oct 4, 2008, 10:38 PM

Personally I wouldn't be happy if I were ditched like that either... according to what you wrote he did not explain that his friend was in town, and only that he might have plans now. Sure you should be accepting of this if his friend is in town, but it appears that he told you this was the reason after the fact... maybe I am just reading it wrong.

And I hardly believe that this one incident was the direct cause for your split... there has to be more to it... any ideas? I sort of get the feeling that he may be feeling smothered or controlled. Do you think you might be too needy? There might have been a build up of events like this, and this is the one that broke the camels back.

Keep doing what you are doing though, everything will workout for the best though, what ever that means, I promise :)

Bural21 · Oct 5, 2008, 12:52 PM

So today, he calls, again. He said his friend is leaving town around 5:30. He'd like to see me then. He was very pleasant to talk to, and he asked little things like how my new anxiety medication is working for me. Then, shockingly, he ends the conversation with a very casual, "I love you."
Is he toying with my emotions? Or is there some form of hope for my situation?

wikedjuggalo · Oct 5, 2008, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by Bural21

So today, he calls, again. He said his friend is leaving town around 5:30. He'd like to see me then. He was very pleasant to talk to, and he asked little things like how my new anxiety medication is working for me. Then, shockingly, he ends the conversation with a very casual, "I love you."
Is he toying with my emotions? Or is there some form of hope for my situation?

I think you need to have a seriously and meaningful conversation if you wish this relationship to work. Communication is key and its not healthy to attempt to control him. What I mean by is, you should have respected his wishes to see his friend and maybe switched the date for another day since this friend was only coming in town for a short period.

Bural21 · Oct 5, 2008, 01:25 PM

Juggalo, I plan on talking to him today to see where this is going. I wasn't necessarily trying to control him, I was just over reacting because we made plans. The following day I felt like a huge you-know-what and sent a quick text saying: "Sorry for being selfish." Things seem smoother today, so we shall see in about an hour where things will head. Thank you for your time, and if there is anymore advice, please keep it coming. :)

wikedjuggalo · Oct 5, 2008, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Bural21

Juggalo, I plan on talking to him today to see where this is going. I wasn't necessarily trying to control him, I was just over reacting because we made plans. The following day I felt like a huge you-know-what and sent a quick text saying: "Sorry for being selfish." Things seem smoother today, so we shall see in about an hour where things will head. Thank you for your time, and if there is anymore advice, please keep it coming. :)

Sometimes we do not realize what we have done until its too late, best to learn from it.

MsJulia · Oct 5, 2008, 07:48 PM

Hmmm, that doesn't seem like a real reason for him to break up with you. Maybe it's a deeper issue than that :( ? You should NOT be sorry for being upset at him.

Even though me and my boyfriend are having problems (as you read in my thread), my boyfriend would have invited me to go hang out too (all together)... me - him - and his friend who is here from out of town.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 5, 2008, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by MsJulia

Hmmm, that doesn't seem like a real reason for him to break up with you. Maybe it's a deeper issue than that :( ? You should NOT be sorry for being upset at him.

Even though me and my bf are having problems (as you read in my thread), my bf would have invited me to go hang out too (all together)... me - him - and his friend who is here from out of town.

Being smother could be a very valid reason should that be the reason.

talaniman · Oct 6, 2008, 07:30 AM

Way to make a molehill, into a mountain.

He's been texting me occasionally and I haven't really been responding to anything.

A casual "HAVE FUN" would have been nice, and gone a long way to ease the tensions.

Now just talk, and put this behind you, and learn to not be so impulsive with your actions, and these glitches, that pop up can be dealt with, before they can grow, and hurt the whole relationship.

Hope you can overcome, and forgive each other.

Bural21 · Oct 18, 2008, 09:19 AM

For those of you who offered help, my boyfriend I have been together for nearly 2 weeks now since that happened. And things have been better. We're both respecting each other's space and spending less time then usual together - but it's working out for the best. Thanks to those of you that helped!