[Boristheblade]

I'm just exhausetd with crying. I thought after four months I'd have somewhat improved emotionally.

[hungtoronto]

All of the healing you did was healing, but the entire process is a rollercoaster - anyone here will tell you that. Before you know it you will be feeling just like you were before, trust me.. Its always up-down-up-down

It's a rollercoaster but eventually the ride will get slower and slower and eventually will come to stop so will your pain. Broke up with my girlfriend two months ago. She contacted me a week ago asking about her mail and call me a few times and added me on Yahoo I didn't reply or email her back. Suddenly yesterday I had an urge to email her. I wrote an email but after reading it over I end up deleting it because I don't feel she deserve any response from me.


Someday you will feel like crap but in the long run there will be more happy days than crappy days.

[Molecular]

On my fourth day of NC now. Yesterday I was completely fine, without a care in the world, today I feel really shot down. It's hard to explain really, I think it's because of the weekend, knowing that she's probably got loads of plans to go out partying and having fun, while I'm sitting here not really feeling up to any of it (and I know I shouldn't be drinking given the offchance I might end up calling her) so it's going to be a calm weekend inside for me. I feel so gutless that things I previously enjoyed doing so much now seem so futile and meaningless, I've practically given up on all my hobbies. I've got a good feeling they'll be coming back some day however, I just wish I could still find the same redemption in them I used to right now, when I need to occupy my mind the most.

At least I'm still working out every day as this makes me feel better about myself, but I can't seem to sit down and get any schoolwork done.

[bigbird213]

Go out and leave your cell phone at home, or give it to a friend... Sometimes you need to force yourself to do things you used to like to find out you still like doing them...

[redwee74]

Well hey everyone. I tried no contact for about 3 weeks she called I answered. Right back in the mess again. I am going to try again. I need some encouragement though. I read somewhere that if you are in a relationship you need to hide then it is a bad relationship and I hide the fact that we went out this weekend. And then she called last night to say she was scared to be in a serious relationship with me and that if I kept contacting her it would change her feelings about me. SHE contacted me I did not contact her, she calls me as much as I call her. Am I crazy or is she. She makes me so confused. I need to just stay away from her. So I rambled but it helps the site has been a God Send.

[jumpin0503]

Jumpin...

I'm glad you got all that off your chest - hope you feel better now. You deleted her number so you can't contact her - thats a good first step. Now, about trying to contact to her through friends or any of that crap just to let her know that you were drunk/not to respond/etc... Forget it. Thats just your mind looking for an alternative way to contact her since you removed the only contact method you had....

People make mistakes, accept what happened and forgive yourself for it - then move on with NC....

Thank you for the advice. You're right, if she doesn't respond then she's obviously made her decision, I don't have to tell her anything to have her do that.

Completely off topic as well but what part of Connecticut are you from? Just wondering since I'm also from Connecticut.

[bigbird213]

Completely off topic as well but what part of Connecticut are you from? Just wondering since I'm also from Connecticut.

Bristol... you?

[jumpin0503]

Bristol.... you?

Meriden, not too far off haha

*/end thread hi-jacking*

[Dare81]

day 21 of NC= She hasn't tried calling me and I have not tried calling. Her birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should call her. I know if I call her I might find things about her that I don't want to know( she might be dating someone else) and it would probably set me back. What do you guys think about this.
I hope everyone else is doing okay

[hungtoronto]

Guys, when you feel down about your breakup go and read the divorce section. Somehow it makes me feel better about my situation. It's nothing compare to what divorce people went through. Below is an interesting story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...sed-85205.html

[hungtoronto]

day 21 of NC= She hasnt tried calling me and i have not tried calling. Her birthday is comming up and i dont know if i should call her. I know if i call her i might find things about her that i dont want to know( she might be dating someone else) and it would probally set me back. what do you guys think about this.
I hope everyone else is doing okay

Don't call her. You may not even be able to talk to her. She may say I am busy now then what. Keep NC. She broke up with you remember? She got to live with it now. She got to see that it's really like life with out you. You don't owe her anything. I know you care about her but don't do it. If you think deeper you'll realize it. When you have the urge to contact her take a big step back and think. I changed my mind a few time and went back to NC.

[Molecular]

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderful feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderfull feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.

It takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!

[jumpin0503]

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!

It's nice to read that, it's what I've been having the hardest time transitioning to and I think a huge hang up in what's keeping me grasping at straws in my mind about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.

I realized today that I wasn't being any better than my ex-girlfriend who threw her friend who helped her through our original break up to the side (he's a mutual friend and my old roommate before he changed schools). He comes to visit once every month or two and she gives him 5 minutes of her time to repay him. I don't want to be like that, I can be better than that. I realized I was being too needy on my friends and I need to be there for them as well, the girl I'm closest with that I've known for like 5 years has been having problems with her boyfriend/my roommate and I wouldn't help her with it at all after she was helping me so much. I've made a lot of changes and I'm going to keep making more, I'm going to put my friends at a bigger priority now because they are essentially my life at this point. Something about today/your post/talk with my friend Allyson about all this and how she's doing with her problems just made this click somehow.

Reading your post helped a lot, thank you. I think I focused too much on trying to find another girl, and hearing that you can be happy single too (I mean I know I could, but for some reason something with your post just clicked) is motivational. I do get to do whatever I want now, and even though I knew all this before I can do things I never got to before when I was with my girlfriend, like go out clubbing with friends and such. I can go over to my friends dorm and party now, I get to go out more, I'm not just sitting around with my girlfriend watching TV and whatever else. I can do all the things I never got to really do before because I was in a relationship right when I got into college, now I can explore the single life of college and hopefully it will be as much fun as I'm hoping.

I know I'll still have some hard times ahead of me, but this site really does keep giving me motivation to continue over and over again.

[hungtoronto]

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderfull feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.

I know how you feel. I've been living with my ex for 1 1/2 years and when she was gone it was the worse feeling in the world but I took advice from this site and keep myself as busy as possible and I workout whenever I get the chance (natural antidepressant) and make me look good and prepare me for the next relationship.

I realize in life you win some and you lose some and sometime you got to accept your loss and move on and not hold onto it.

[Molecular]

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my apartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault as well, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), I'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it altogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days I've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's got to count for something, right?

[Dare81]

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my appartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault aswell, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), i'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it alltogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days i've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's gotta count for something, right?

It's a roller coaster.Somedays you will feel fine other days you won't, and remember this you can't convince anyone to be with you , and even if you could you would not want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Good luck

[Dare81]

Me and my ex have this cell phone plan. Her name is on it, we split the bill. When she broke up with she asked me what we were going to do about this, and I asked her to give me some time and I will just switch over my number.Its been 22 days since we broke up and I think its time for me to get off her cell phone plan,For me to do that I would have to call her. I really don't want o to call her.
I was wondering should I let this go for now and maybe wait till she contacts me or should I contact her.
I am lost.
Any help would be much appreciated

[hungtoronto]

Me and my ex have this cell phone plan. Her name is on it, we split the bill. When she broke up with she asked me what we were going to do about this, and i asked her to give me some time and i will just switch over my number.Its been 22 days since we broke up and i think its time for me to get off her cell phone plan,For me to do that i would have to call her. I really dont want o to call her.
I was wondering should i let this go for now and maybe wait till she contacts me or should i contact her.
I am lost.
Any help would be much appreciated

Dare,

I was in a similar situation. My ex and I was on a family phone plan which I paid for. She wanted to pay me every month when we broke up but I cancelled the phone. Cost me $400 but I had to do it. It was a tough decision to make since I won't be able to get in touch with her after that. It's better to cut off everything completely. That's the only way you can go NC otherwise there'll always be an excuse to contact her and delay the healing process. Also this allow the ex to see what life is like without you.

If you don't want to call her txt her. My ex wasn't too happy when I cancelled the phone but hey she decided to leave me so she got to live with that decision. A month later though, she contacted me with her new cell number asking about her mail which doesn't mean much. I got the new number but I didn't have the urge to call her but I am still curious to know what she is up to however. I am sure eventually I don't care anymore what she does.

[Dare81]

Thanks Hungtoronto. I don't think its going to cost her anything because the contract with the phone company has expired.I guess I will just write an email but it will come off as a bit childish don't you think.