[lummerooski]

I was out of town for a week and when I returned my husband confessed something to me that happened while I was gone but he told me after 2-3 months gone by during an argument we had.
He loves to cross dress. He was speaking to another man who loves to cross dress as well. My husband arrived at his place around 1am, all dressed up.. wig and everything... and so did the other gentleman.
My husband says they just "talked" for 5-6 hours while he was there. They talked about why he likes to crossdress and any other topic in relation to cross dressing.
My husband mentioned that he grabbed the other guy's crotch.. ( I'm confused why he would do that... ) but nothing else took place. (I don't believe that)

I think that while he grabbed this man's crotch, I think he kissed him as well. That's my assumption... My husband never said that and he reassured me that nothing else happened other than the crotch touching... but... that's really an odd thing to do.

As I am mentally picturing in my head, Kissing seems to make more sense in conjunction with the crotch touching... but then again, maybe my husband didn't want to hurt me further??

So, my question is... could my husband be gay or at the very least bi-sexual?

We don't have an active sex life and at the same time, he doesn't exactly pounce on me either when he is horny. We probably have sex once every 2-3 months. I don't get much attention from him at home, so most of my attention are given to me at the gym.

He's a really nice guy too... there is just sexual aspects of him that I simply don't approve of. For instance, this "cross dressing" situation, latex, vac sacs, going to fetish clubs, furries, and I know for a fact that normal sex doesn't appeal to him. He rather dresses up in latex as a way to get off rather than some hot sex with a girl. He would be more turned on if I wore a latex suit than if I wore a super hot lingerie outfit.

I thought I was kinky... lol

He has admit to me that he is a sexual deviant and I am open minded, but there's been too many times where he will hide it from me and once I find out, then he will later admit the stuff that he is into.. and well it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I cannot bring the matter up without feeling angry.. so I avoid talking about it and sometimes it builds up and when we have an argument my true feelings show and the outcome isn't good because he will get all defensive and moody about it for a couple days. Seriously, avoiding me and walking rampant around the house or abruptly shutting doors which indicates to me that he is not happy.

[jambourrie]

I feel that your husband probably approached the situation with another man in a bi-curious fashion. Maybe he assumed to himself that because he is a cross-dresser, that he is gay, and/or bi-sexual, and maybe thought grabbing the guy's crotch would re-affirm his own feelings. i.e. if he touched it, how did it make him feel, and how did he expect it to make him feel? Was he satisfied that he did it? Did it actually re-affirm anything to him? I can't really imagine the situation myself leading to a kiss... mostly because kissing is more of a romantic gesture, and doesn't always have a place in the fetish scene... even if some sexual contact is - especially between people who don't love one another.

I think if you are both not on the same page sexually, you either need to live and accept it and go on as usual (which obviously causes issues) - or you can confront it head on and ask yourselves if it is such a huge issue, that if it went on any longer, your marriage would be affected by it.

In my own experience, having completely different sexual tastes to my husband caused issue after issue after issue, and in the end, we had to decide if it was worth carrying on and compromising all of the time and not feeling fulfilled - almost ever. It is a hard pill to swallow, but for some people, their alternate lifestyle is so meaningful to them, and such a big part of their lives.

Your own distaste towards certain activities is perfectly normal too, and it is difficult living day to day, knowing that there is this big upheaval in one part of your life together.

Maybe seeking help together to at least mediate your discussions might help you.

It sounds like there is a major trust issue as well. That would probably come out during extensive discussion/couselling, you will find - and maybe that itself is the root to the issues.

[Romefalls19]

I don't think he is gay, Jam might be right, because he is into cross dressing, stereotypically he should be gay and that's all the media showcases so that's how he felt. When he touched another guy, maybe that didn't confirm his original assumptions and now he feels even more lost and confused because now he's stuck in a position that he wasn't expecting.

I would go and seek counseling to try and reconnect on an emotional level, if you aren't connecting emotionally then the sexual connection isn't going to thrive either.

[Fr_Chuck]

Most crosss dressers are not gay, they merely like to dress in the clothes of the other gender..

But then that does not mean he is not, And perhaps his cross dressing has him confused, or he is expermineting to find out what he likes.

I would suggest both private counseling for him, and joint counseling for you two as a couple.

[talaniman]

Counseling would help you both learn how to communicate in a healthy way, and not let assumptions rule your emotions, or your understanding of each other.

I don't know many cross dressers, but neither of them is gay, so get facts through communicating, and that's where your real problem is. Talking and listening.