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trueorfalse · Oct 1, 2008, 12:07 PM

hi I have been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months now and have caught her lying a lot in the first six months. She was talking to her x behind my back and telling me she had no contact. She even planned to have a child with him but for some reason didn't go through with it. What I am asking is this. . If u love someone and want to make it work can u trust her. I don't trust her but want to know how I can again.

please help thanks

Romefalls19 · Oct 1, 2008, 12:14 PM

Only you can determine if you can trust her again, trust is a hard thing to gain back. Once it's broken, for me, I don't give it back out. If they have lied once why would they hesitate to do it again.

trueorfalse · Oct 1, 2008, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Only you can determine if you can trust her again, trust is a hard thing to gain back. Once it's broken, for me, I don't give it back out. If they have lied once why would they hesitate to do it again.

Its we have been through a million arguments etc over this and I reali want to trust her but(and call me stupid here) I can't trust her to do anything. We are spendin everyday together now and she couldn't be cheating but if wer still together in a year I don't know if ill still be so untrusting of her. Help my head is wrekd thans so much. .

Romefalls19 · Oct 1, 2008, 12:53 PM

No offense, I dated a girl I was with everyday, and she still was able to cheat. Where there is a will, there's a way my friend. Anyone who really wants to cheat, will cheat, plain and simple. Does she want to regain your trust?

trueorfalse · Oct 1, 2008, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

No offense, I dated a girl I was with everyday, and she still was able to cheat. Where there is a will, there's a way my friend. Anyone who really wants to cheat, will cheat, plain and simple. Does she want to regain your trust?

Yeah she does and that's why I think my heads so messed up. Do I give her the chance or not because she could still be lyin?? although she does reali seem to want to make things right.. . But I guess deep down I feel like an because I have had all this done on me and I have done nothing to her to get treated like this. There then is another question how do I stop feeling like a used piece of for so long and make a fresh start with her?

Thanks 4 your help romefalls

Fr_Chuck · Oct 1, 2008, 04:09 PM

Time only, as you go out longer and longer, and she proves she is not lying

robc68fb · Oct 1, 2008, 04:32 PM

Healthy relationships are based on trust. If you know you can't trust her & the lying continues, dump her. Go with your gut feelings, they usually are right. If you want to give her a second chance, go for it if that's what you want. That's your choice, true.

However, I do agree with Rome... If she lies once, chances are, she'll do it again. I was lied to in a marriage situation that led to a divorce. There's no worse feeling that compares with knowing that you are being lied to from a partner that you have put all your trust in. It hurts, & it sucks. You sound like a good person, & good people don't deserve that. Try not to feel bad for her, you are'nt the one who lied, she did. And, don't feel sorry for yourself either. If you give her another chance, keep an eye on her. Good luck

talaniman · Oct 1, 2008, 06:29 PM

Personally when trust is an issue, better to leave them alone, as its no fun wondering if they are lying to you or not.

You will feel like a stupid idiot, especially if they have lied before, and you forgave them.

Unless she makes you feel she can be trusted, with actions not words, your just taking a big chance she has changed.

chuff · Oct 1, 2008, 09:44 PM

What she's really doing is using you until she can find somebody else. She's already done it once. Forget about her though, let's face the facts... you are miserable. She doesn't add any value to your life. In fact she's bringing you down. So on that ground alone, why stay with her.

trueorfalse · Oct 3, 2008, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by robc68fb

Healthy relationships are based on trust. If you know you can't trust her & the lying continues, dump her. Go with your gut feelings, they usually are right. If you want to give her a second chance, go for it if that's what you want. That's your choice, true.

However, I do agree with Rome... If she lies once, chances are, she'll do it again. I was lied to in a mariage situation that led to a divorce. There's no worse feeling that compares with knowing that you are being lied to from a partner that you have put all your trust in. It hurts, & it sucks. You sound like a good person, & good people don't deserve that. Try not to feel bad for her, you are'nt the one who lied, she did. And, don't feel sorry for yourself either. If you give her another chance, keep an eye on her. Good luck

Thanks everyone one final question though, should I keep letting her know I don't trust her or don't mention anything again for ages and see what happens. i.e if I keep telling her she's done wrong will she try harder or get pissed off?

talaniman · Oct 3, 2008, 05:33 AM

You express your feelings honestly, without rancor or judgment, and see if she does the same.

Honestly, there is not much of a relationship with a liar, and after showing her true colors, why are you even taking that very slim chance she will change enough for you to trust her.

My experience is that liars will only go to greater lengths to deceive you, once they are found out.

Chuff is right, she is on the lookout for someone else any way.

trueorfalse · Oct 3, 2008, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You express your feelings honestly, without rancor or judgment, and see if she does the same.

Honestly, there is not much of a relationship with a liar, and after showing her true colors, why are you even taking that very slim chance she will change enough for you to trust her.

My experience is that liars will only go to greater lengths to deceive you, once they are found out.

Chuff is right, she is on the lookout for someone else any way.

U really think so? She is asking me to move out with her etc. this is why my head is wreked.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2008, 08:30 PM

No WAY!!

chuff · Oct 3, 2008, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by trueorfalse

u really think so?? she is asking me to move out with her etc. this is why my head is wreked.

Dude, are you kidding? Read that original post and pretend I wrote it. What would you say to me? You know damn well she'd drop you in a second if someone else came along, You know for a fact she's lied to you, and you know this situation isn't right, so tell her you need to find someone you deserve or you'd rather be alone. Your head is wreaked... slightly. You are emotional and thinking with emotions but there's that logical part of you trying to get through. I'm not going to say your head is clear but it's not completely blind to what's happening here. Listen to that part that's questioning this nonsense from her.

talaniman · Oct 4, 2008, 06:02 AM

I would see about solving my present trust issues, before I jumped in deeper.

Just me, I would have been long gone in the first place and gotten a healthy, happy, life without her in it.

Just because I know I can do much better than this drama your in.

trueorfalse · Oct 5, 2008, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Dude, are you kidding? Read that original post and pretend I wrote it. What would you say to me? You know damn well she'd drop you in a second if someone else came along, You know for a fact she's lied to you, and you know this situation isn't right, so tell her you need to find someone you deserve or you'd rather be alone. Your head is wreaked............slightly. You are emotional and thinking with emotions but there's that logical part of you trying to get through. I'm not going to say your head is clear but it's not completely blind to what's happening here. Listen to that part that's questioning this nonsense from her.

I don't know how yas are so good with this advice but thank yous all very much for your help its greatly appreciated. Just today I got the idea of seeing her best friend. Just to feel like the bad guy here. Good idea or not. If she never found out id feel like I got one over on her. This is weird!!

Guidostern · Oct 5, 2008, 08:29 PM

I personally wouldn't go seeing her best friend... if she's lied to you, then she's lied to her best friend... and you don't know exactly what she's told her...

The most important thing is, seeing her best friend will not make you any better than her... and it could end up making you feel worse in the end.

AmExp · Oct 5, 2008, 08:54 PM

I was fortunate enough to ask my ex boyfriend if he had cheated on me during our time together ( I realize many people do NOT have that opportunity). Anyway, he said he never cheated on me but some how I do not believe that. What I am saying is... YOU OBVIOUSLY must not mind that she has a shady past for you to even consider being with her. For me, it is hard to look at the person in the same light because deep down inside my gut told me he cheated. I don't know the extent, but the feeling alone is enough to make me feel suspicious. Is it worth it to you to always wonder "What if..."? If you don't mind having that thought linger then by all means, pursue her.