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hungtoronto · Sep 29, 2008, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

Congrats! I think not having the urge to contact her means you are doing great:) The day my ex calls and I don't have the urge to answer will be a good day for me. I don't really have to worry about him calling though so that helps. He doesn't call only sometimes random emails which I should start labeling as trash/junk mail and not even look at. Most of the time they are meaningless anyways.

I am not totally out of the wood yet though. I still think about her in my sleep and still feel sad for a bit when I think about it. But all the urge to find out and call her is not there anymore and I can pretty much go and do things without thinking of her in the picture. I am sure over time this will go away as well.

Molecular · Sep 30, 2008, 05:37 AM

Phew, my NC calendar starts today. It's been a week or so since we broke up and it's really about time that I realize that talking to her won't do me any good at all.
The last week has been one hell of an emotional rollercoast for me. After me and my girlfriend had been together for five years, she had been having doubts about the relationship the last two months without telling me, so when it felt for me like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about it that was the hardest part for me to overcome. The fact that she's already over me, looking for somebody else and is "relieved" that it's all over hurts a lot.

I keep looking back at all the women I've met in my life and trying to see if I could like any of them as much as I could like her. Every woman I see I measure up toward her and in sadness realize aren't as good as she was. Is this normal? I think I'm just deadly afraid of being alone.

The funny thing is, when me and my girlfriend were still together I was constantly having doubts about the relationship, given the fact that me and my girlfriend had been together since we were 15 and none of us had been in any other relationships before, I was constantly doubting whether or not I had the strength to be with her for the rest of my life, yet now that it's over there's nothing I want more. Now I've contacted her a couple of times the last week and each time it's only made the pain worse. I'd like to think that at some time down the road me and her could at least be friends again. After sharing so much together she wasn't only my girlfriend but the best friend I've ever had, I don't want to lose all of it. I'm hoping that once I get over her I shouldn't have any troubles talking to her on a casual level, or is this also a bad idea? I don't know.

Anyway I hope I can keep NC going at least until I'm completely over her, or I've found someone else, if that should happen. I'm trying to fill my days with activities like learning to play the guitar, and working out, but I'm still in the early stages of my education and whenever I sit down to get some mental work down all these thoughts keep flashing through my brain and it's really hard to get schoolwork done. Anyway, day 1, hope I can make it through.

talaniman · Sep 30, 2008, 07:46 AM

You will feel much better later, as its quite an adjustment, mentally, emotionally, and yes physically, when we lose a long term partner.

Its life changing, and all the fears, and broken dreams, will have you thinking in many directions. That's normal after a break up.

We all have been through this same thing, but I think you have a good plan to get you through it. You will be stronger, more aware of who you are, and better able to deal with yourself, in a positive way.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or click on the link in my signature, for some good suggestions for your siuations. Hang in there, your among people who will support you through this.

gg23 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:36 AM

Taliman and eveyone else that helped me get through my time of crisis. I just wanted to come back and say thanks to you all. I have been doing great. For the past months or so, about a month or so, I felt the emotional cable that was tying me to me ex cut... FOR GOOD!! I just woke up and it was as if I was a new person!! since then I have not had any down days or anything like that. I guess for me I moved on faster because I started to date someone right the way... at first it was not serious, but then it became kind of serious.. . and at that time my ex totally flipped... she contacted me like crazy begging and apologizing etc... considering that she really went from being the sweetest girl to a complete cold heart gal... so to all of you out there who are in the beginning of this BU bull, it gets better. Before you know it you will be far back to being yourself and it will be just awesome to get yourself back... it's funny how life works... really guys... that day when I woke and felt that load fell off, that next day my ex contacted me and send me at least 7 text messages and then called. And she has been calling and texting ever since. I have talked to her a few times since and she wants to come visit, and she wants me to visit etc... I have to say it felt good to rub it in her face... oh yeah... she couldn't believe how fast I moved on... " did you really get over me that fast she asks times and times again"... and I was like you betcha I did... hehehe... but it's all good... so just hang in there guys... things get better, I grew not only has a person, but also I know what I want in a mate in the future... so thank you thank you to all of you who have helped me during my downtime . I just wanted to come back and pay my dues to all of you... you have helped so much... I can never be grateful enough...

hungtoronto · Sep 30, 2008, 10:45 AM

It rain so hard today. For some reason I missed her so much today. I went on to my Yahoo messenger this morning this is the old nick I haven't used for a while. She message me "if there is any important mail please message me, thanks, have a good day".

She must have got this nick from her friend since I never gave this nick to her since I was talking to her friend a few weeks back. Most of her mail are banking statements which she checked them online anyway.

Is she trying to make contact with me? I am not ready to talk to her because I know if I talk to her I'll be back to square one again or I'll say something that will upset her and it will affect my healing. I am planning to take a long trip for a month to another country in two weeks time. Already booked the tickets.

I am planning to talk to her when I get back regarding the mails or any other matter. What do you guys think? I want to tell her to change your address and all that but I don't see the point. I'll just ignore it for now.

talaniman · Sep 30, 2008, 11:01 AM

I'll just ignore it for now.

Good answer!

bigbird213 · Sep 30, 2008, 11:42 AM

Ignore it... When you get back from your trip in six weeks, you will feel entirely different.

Fredj88 · Sep 30, 2008, 02:11 PM

Day eight feels like crap but no way I'm msgn her she knows mynumber etc. Stays strong.

cantbelieveit · Sep 30, 2008, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

It rain so hard today. For some reason I missed her so much today. I went on to my yahoo messenger this morning this is the old nick I haven't used for a while. She message me "if there is any important mail please message me, thanks, have a good day".

She must have got this nick from her friend since I never gave this nick to her since i was talking to her friend a few weeks back. Most of her mail are banking statements which she checked them online anyway.

Is she trying to make contact with me? I am not ready to talk to her because i know if i talk to her i'll be back to square one again or i'll say something that will upset her and it will affect my healing. I am planning to take a long trip for a month to another country in two weeks time. Already booked the tickets.

I am planning to talk to her when i get back regarding the mails or any other matter. What do you guys think? I want to tell her to change your address and all that but I don't see the point. I'll just ignore it for now.

I sure wish I could go on a trip like that. Hopefully I can plan something in November. Trips are great for clearing the mind. When you come back you'll have a new outlook I'm sure. Good to ignore it... square 1 is no fun.

cantbelieveit · Sep 30, 2008, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Fredj88

Day eight feels like crap but no way I'm msgn her she knows mynumber etc. Stays strong.

Stay strong :)

jumpin0503 · Oct 1, 2008, 05:16 AM

Ugh I feel so anxious this morning... day 9 I believe, maybe 8, I don't really remember. But I saw her last night as I walked in the parking garage. She was with him and their whole new group, I felt so anxious and she didn't try to say hi she just sped up and walked away with him. It hurt so much, she was even wearing his hoodie... I really just want to break down, I feel like nothing is ever going to change sometimes when I have to see her this often randomly...

talaniman · Oct 1, 2008, 05:47 AM

It will pass. Nobody said this would be easy. Look at what your going to do today, and get busy.

hungtoronto · Oct 1, 2008, 08:36 AM

My ex added me on Yahoo today. The request come up for me to add her but I don't know if I should. It's about the mails again. She tell me to message her if it's important mail. I already told her that I'll let her know if there is mail a month back but why she keep reminding me? Should I add her or not? This is an old nick that I haven't use for a month. Every time she message me it give me false hope. I hope after my trip I'll feel better.

hjpan · Oct 1, 2008, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

My ex added me on yahoo today. The request come up for me to add her but I don't know if I should. It's about the mails again. She tell me to msg her if it's important mail. I already told her that I'll let her know if there is mail a month back but why she keep reminding me? Should I add her or not? This is an old nick that I haven't use for a month. Everytime she msg me it give me false hope. I hope after my trip I'll feel better.

You have the options:

1. Throw her mail away
2. Tell her to change the address on her mail

hungtoronto · Oct 1, 2008, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by hjpan

You have the options:

1. Throw her mail away
2. Tell her to change the address on her mail

She tell me to throw away all her mails but there is this divorce document that she's waiting for. Her ex husband is supposed to send it to her and it has been six months now. I don't know why she can't ask him to sent it to her new address. Anyway I don't want to message her back. I want to get over her first and when I am ready I'll talk. I don't know when I'll be ready which sux. I try to keep myself busy but there are time that you are alone. Being alone the enemy. I can resist the urge not to message her or add her for now. I hope I can control myself and keep NC. In two weeks I'll be gone for the whole month so I guess "out of site out of mind"

Dare81 · Oct 1, 2008, 04:12 PM

Day19 of nc= Today was pretty bad, probably cause I was not keeping myself busy.This sucks.
Hope everyone else is hanging in there.
Good luck

Fredj88 · Oct 1, 2008, 05:51 PM

Blocked hr on msn, I feel so anxious so giddy, I don't know what to do, it sucks because she was my only friend really, I just can't call up people I spoke to 3 years ago hey remember me.

So Alone, day 9 of NC :(

buymeanewlife · Oct 1, 2008, 08:25 PM

Day 24 of NC. It's been rough--I didn't cut her off right after she dumped me; she wanted to stay friends. Only after I found out she cheated on me and left me for another guy did I stop contacting her. We had plans to move away together, so I was jobless, having an awful summer waiting for her to come home from her summer job in the Bahamas so we could go start a new life together. So now I've had to start from scratch (I'm in my mid-20s)--I've moved to the east coast; she moved out to the west. Two and a half year relationship, the possibility of marriage, and it's all gone so quickly.

I've been on the east coast for two and half weeks now. I have a very promising job interview next week with an employer that will pay me more than I was making before. I joined a dodgeball league to get out and meet people. I went on one date last week that didn't go great, but I went on one on Monday that went very well and we have another date on Sunday.

So hang in there. Keep yourself moving. It's tough (hey, at least not everyone has to go on job interviews while getting over this!), but every day is a little more progress. I don't think I'm at the point where I wouldn't answer the phone if she calls (she told me she'd call before the election), but I'm hoping to get there. I'm slowly feeling like myself again.

hjpan · Oct 1, 2008, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by buymeanewlife

Day 24 of NC. It's been rough--I didn't cut her off right after she dumped me; she wanted to stay friends. Only after I found out she cheated on me and left me for another guy did I stop contacting her. We had plans to move away together, so I was jobless, having an awful summer waiting for her to come home from her summer job in the Bahamas so we could go start a new life together. So now I've had to start from scratch (I'm in my mid-20s)--I've moved to the east coast; she moved out to the west. Two and a half year relationship, the possibility of marriage, and it's all gone so quickly.

I've been on the east coast for two and half weeks now. I have a very promising job interview next week with an employer that will pay me more than I was making before. I joined a dodgeball league to get out and meet people. I went on one date last week that didn't go great, but I went on one on Monday that went very well and we have another date on Sunday.

So hang in there. Keep yourself moving. It's tough (hey, at least not everyone has to go on job interviews while getting over this!), but every day is a little more progress. I don't think I'm at the point where I wouldn't answer the phone if she calls (she told me she'd call before the election), but I'm hoping to get there. I'm slowly feeling like myself again.

I'm sorry for your loss... some girls are hoes =/
I met a guy, who is 25, not married, and has 3 kids... I told him my story about my situation.

He said "boy, you got some time and right now, that girl who left you for another guy ain't yours. In the long run, when you catch a girls eyes, go up to her and tell her "hey! You look good! You mine!" and start getting down"

jumpin0503 · Oct 2, 2008, 08:01 AM

First day of my new agreement actually being put into effect with my ex-girlfriend that we'll base our schedules around not seeing each other, even though I knew she wouldn't come to breakfast this morning I was a little anxious but not nearly as much as usual.

I'm working now in the same building that she goes to for her club that she's a treasurer in after her class usually today since she has to log a certain amount of hours in the office and I have to walk by it as I work, but I saw she wasn't there meaning she skipped her class this morning AGAIN, likely because of her new boyfriend doing stupid things like staying up too late with him or whatever else. Still hurts to see someone I care about so much not realize she's slowly digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole it seems, especially with her school work. I hate to see her do this because it's been getting progressively worse and worse it seems, this is like the 3rd or 4th class she's missed in the last 2-3 weeks now. She also told me on Tuesday she was trying to lose weight by just skipping meals entirely, I told her it isn't healthy to do and she's just going to gain it all back and she just snapped on me, even after she told me she was the only one here she would be open with and go off on about how stressed she is because she's closest to me and her family. =( I hate seeing her go down hill like this, but I seriously can't tell if it's just me blowing up small situations because I care about her so much or if she seriously is going down hill.

Still fighting the usual urges to not talk to her, posting to vent...