[johndoe87]

Sorry this is long, but answers and feedback would be greatly appreciated me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year now. When we met we both fell in love with each other. We were inseparable. She was pretty popular at school, and I had just graduated. She made a new friend and they would always go to party's so I began to be a little protective of her, asking a few questions when she would get home, nothing serious, just who was there how much did you drink etc... One day at school this guy started to talk to her and sit with her at lunch everyday and she would tell me everything about it. Me being a guy knew that he wanted more than her friendship. I was honest and told her I don't think she should spend any time with him because he's going to get involved and it might ruin our relationship. She thought nothing of it and continued to hang out with him. They went to a few parties together and then all of my friends and her friends said there was something going on between them. So I did what I thought was necessary and confronted him about it. He said that she had been telling him she wasn't dating me and they had kissed once. So then I confronted her about it in a appropriate way. Her response was "I can't believe he said that and everyone else". She said it was all lies and to ignore it. She later stopped hanging out with everyone who had told me this.
A few months went buy smooth, and I had noticed that everyone from guys at school, work and neighbors had been asking her out, calling her texting her all the time. It made me really uncomfortable. I began to be even more protective saying I didn't want her to talk to them or respond to their text messages. Every time I did things that she didn't like she would be mean to me and I would feel she wanted to break up with me so I would stop being over protective. Even though I'm stubborn and thought it was necessary.
A few more months went by and we've been having a few arguments here and there, nothing serious then her cousin moved in with her and her family. They spent everyday together and she wasn't spending any time with me, it made me upset because she's the only person in my life and without her I'm just sitting at home doing nothing or working. Then her cousin decided he was going to move back home soon to Edmonton which is 20 hours away from me and she said she was going to move with him for a few months and work there to save money. I was heart broken. I couldn't imagine not having her around for that long. So I began to be very depressed. The other day she called me and said it was over. She won't agree to talk to me about it or to hang out with me or go to the movies. She just said she wants to get her things from my house. Every time I call her to talk she sais she's too busy. I wrote her a long letter of my feelings and she told me to mail it to her. She said I will never stop being overprotective and asking too many questions and she doesn't want to give me a chance. I realize that I have been too stubborn and I've told her if she just gave me a chance everything would be great again but she still sais no.
I have been thinking of buying her flowers or something nice but I'm afraid she either won't see me or accept the gift. I feel hopeless. Is there anything I can do?

[ylaira]

Yes, you can do something. LEAVE HER ALONE.

You knew from the very start that she's a popular and attracts attention. She's the type who can't be with a possessive person or else she's smothered. So live with
It. What she needs is an understanding and supportive partner. Since you can't be that person, best to let her be happy.

Always remember this:
A person will cheat if she wants to cheat. So it's a waste of time to watch moves. If a person is a happy with you, there is no way she will stray and walk away from you.

Again, LEAVE HER ALONE, do your own thing and take this time to examine yourself so you'll be better IF she comes back or when you will be with someone new.

[hjpan]

Put her stuff in te garage drive-way. Don't make contact with her.

[JBeaucaire]

Your story, read from the outside, is pretty clear. The answers here about "leaving her alone" are about to start pouring in, so I won't bother with that.

I want to talk about you. Even though she telegraphed waning interest in you for the longest time, you are acting like it's a surprise and as if there's something you can "do" to fix it. I find this behavior odd.

Wrapping your whole life up around another person (especially when you're just dating) is also odd, and it is a doomed reality. You absolutely MUST be more well-rounded than that. By your own admission, there is a lot missing from your life.

So, what are you going to do about that? You have a job, and at some point will have a new girlfriend (guaranteed), but will you be ready to be a healthy boyfriend by then?

To be healthy, you need some guy friends (healthy ones, not idiotic rampaging miscreants) to do fun guy things with, you need some hobbies that involve new people, and you need to be involved in at least one monthly activity that is purely you giving back to the community.

With those things going on, you have plenty to keep you busy when your new girlfriend isn't available, which should be often if she's healthy, too. Neither you nor your new girl should rely that heavily on each other to fill all your non-work activities. Never.

Once you build a positive, active, well-balanced life, you share some of that life with your girl. This gives her something to actually admire in you, something other than the sweet things you aim at her. THIS IS CRITICAL. Your girl needs to admire you. That requires work on your part to do things worth admiring.

Lastly, ylaira has already said it, you can't talk someone into not cheating. You have to inspire them to like you enough to resist that temptation. The ability to cheat exists in all of us, you included. We are all attracted to people other than our current mates, you included. If they are unable to resist, you have to know that. You won't be able to do anything about it, so you just need to know. It is what it is.

Getting jealous is so "missing the point"... I can't believe how futile jealous, controlling behaviors are. When you detect something that's actually worth being jealous about because of suspicious things she is actually doing, it's your way of saying, "Aha! See, things aren't going to work out so now I'm going to make you guilty as hell until you finally break up with me, which was coming anyway, but I want to make sure we are both miserable as possible until that finally happens."

And when you're jealous for no good reason at all, just bad habits on your part, that's the same as saying, "I know we're doing OK, but I need you to feel persecuted and stalked by me anyway, so any chance we have of ever building a permanent love together is completely destroyed."

That's how I interpret jealous behavior. Whether she's earned a jealous response from you or not, you actually ACTING that way is lose-lose-lose from the moment you start.

[redwee74]

Leave her alone and work on yourself. Get some other activities to fill your time. Exactly what JB said he is right on the money!!

[johndoe87]

I know that jealousy isn't a good thing. And we all make mistakes and learn from them. I do understand that's its my fault. I failed to mention a lack of trust on my part. And as for hobbies. I used to have a hobby that took up most of my spare time. A horrible game that sucked me in but she didn't like it and I deleted my account. I don't think I have to say what it was. And as for guy friends. Every last one of my guy friends moved out of the province or moved in with their girlfriends and have no time for anything. I live in a small town with very little activities and people so its hard for me to find anything to get my mind of this

[hjpan]

I know that jealousy isn't a good thing. and we all make mistakes and learn from them. I do understand that's its my fault. i failed to mention a lack of trust on my part. and as for hobbies. i used to have a hobby that took up most of my spare time. a horrible game that sucked me in but she didn't like it and i deleted my account. i don't think i have to say what it was. and as for guy friends. every last one of my guy friends moved out of the province or moved in with their girlfriends and have no time for anything. I live in a small town with very little activities and people so its hard for me to find anything to get my mind of this

Maybe you should do what your friends did... move out of the city~

[johndoe87]

I would, but I just don't like the idea of moving away where I have to start over again not knowing anybody. Having to get a new job. Id also feel guilty leaving my mother here alone. Were the only family we have.

[JBeaucaire]

I know that jealousy isn't a good thing. And we all make mistakes and learn from them. I do understand that's its my fault.

Good to hear.

... as for hobbies. I used to have a hobby that took up most of my spare time. A horrible game that sucked me in but she didn't like it and I deleted my account.

Hehe, a hobby that clusters you into a room alone is NOT what I meant. Normally I would say "your hobbies are your business and no GF should make you give them up"... but WoW addiction is no laughing matter (or similar)... so she did you a favor. Thank her for that.

... as for guy friends. Every last one of my guy friends moved out of the province or moved in with their girlfriends and have no time for anything. I live in a small town with very little activities and people so its hard for me to find anything to get my mind [off] this

Poppycock. Get out there. It doesn't matter how small the town is, there are guy friends out there that need you, too. And a community center you can volunteer in as well, play some games with the teenage boys... they'll appreciate the big brother attention. Stop making excuses. If it didn't work today, you try tomorrow. I know you can, and so do you, you're just hedging... get out there. Real life is real work.

Seriously, if there's no softball league, START one.

[ntbntb78]

LET IT GO!! Date someone else

[talaniman]

Get your own life, and leave hers alone.

No excuses, just look at it like a challenge, and jump in.

If you have a life you enjoy, you don't have to depend on a female for something fun to do, nor be jealous because she has a life without you.

You can do this.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes beyond anythng else most relationships ( dating) when one goes off to college and the other stays in high school, normally end up with breaking up. From one side or the other. If you are not home and seeing her all the time, and still going out to the parties with her.

Plus to be honest a girl in high school drinking at parties, OK beyond illegal is the first line in all the problem posts here, "we were out drinking and>>>>"

So what do you do, nothing just go on with your life and make new friends and understand that often people grow apart and this is part of life, a hard part.

[AandD]

I have a similar experience.. me and my girlfriend were together for 7 months. We loved each other more then you can imagine. I was being a **** to her at the end, for being too much of a horny guy and she got the wrong impression. She warned me over 20 times not to do it and I still did. Finally she got fed up and left me. I was heartbroken and I don't blame her cos I was a down right prick, and I admit it. Its been a month since we've broken up and were still in contact. She said she misses me and she's extremely confused about getting back together. Even If I plead on my knees and tell her that it would never happen again she would be too scared to come back.. we've kissed many times even though were not going out. Which I find odd, and very upsetting :( cos its like the kisses mean nothing and she still tells me afterward that she thinks its best that we move on. 3 days ago in fact, (I was her ***** I admit, but I wanted to get on even-ground with her) I offered to help her in her art and workshop homework. I stayed up all night doing 3 very detailed sketches on A3 paper and I designed 12 different types of necklaces for her (hw).. I stayed up all night till 6am.. and I got to her school by 8.. I even had to wake up my dad to take me. He was Pissed off! Anyway at the end of the day, we caught the bus back home together (she only lives 3km from were I live).. It as pouring like crazy! The bus stopped for no reason and the driver told us that we caught the wrong bus! I was like "**** o.o". I knew where we where I called my dad to pick us up cos her mum was getting worried. She was crying and I was holding her. She kept telling me "you think only you have problems? :'( " (cos my parents divorced).. and I was like "no youre wrong" . Then she went crazy she shouted "Im not wrong!! :'( " She kicked the air and her she flew off her foot and almost hit a moving car.. it wasn't funny at all cos she was running away in the rain in tears. I grabbed her! Didn't let go of her and she tried to move push me away. I was in tears too. 5 minutes later without her looking I put something in her bag.. (I gave her this to show her that she means more then that! ).. when she went home she phoned me and asked " but why did you put 400 euros in my bag? :'( you can have them back! " I said " you can keep them.. you're way more then that :( I love you <3 today we were talking a bit but she went offline without saying goodbye.. I'm so confused please help x'(