[katahkitten]

My boyfriend is great, he can be so sweet and loving. We have been living together for almost a year, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. He is four years younger than me, and it definitely shows. He has a serious issue with immaturity and lack of responsibility. I have my own issues with being depressed and getting angry and "overreacting" as he calls it (I call it acting on my emotions). He has messed up my trust in him (not by cheating, but by Myspace flirting, compulsive lying, and hiding things from me), so I have newfound insecurity issues as well. I'm not the perfect girlfriend by any means, but he can be so hateful and condescending. When I used to get upset about things, he would be quick to comfort me and apologize for whatever he did, and try to make me happy again. Now that we are living together, he couldn't care less. He will ignore me and not make any attempt to fix the situation, because no matter what he did, it's never his fault and I am just over-emotional. He will go days without talking to me, he is happy to be online and play video games and watch TV (that's all he ever does, he's a pretty useless person compared to others, but I never tell him that). He will get arrogant, and insult me. If we are in public, he will talk as loud as he can in front of whoever, and say "OH, ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN A BAD MOOD NOW?" "UH OH WATCH OUT KATIE IS IN A BAD MOOD!" "YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE" If I ask him to not argue with me in front of others because it is embarrassing, he will say "DON'T TELL ME WHEN I CAN AND CANNOT ARGUE WITH YOU, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" etc etc etc. Just talking to me like a he is child, in the most pompous and snide tone of voice you can imagine. He has a total inability to handle situations maturely, and treats me very disrespectfully. But of course when I try to talk to him about it, it's never his fault. If I get emotional, if it is warranted or not, he needs to work on his reaction and his effectiveness in handling it. Because his outbursts make things that much worse, and lead to long lasting and draining fights, when otherwise it all would have blown over. Then he expects me to just forget how hateful and rude he is to me. Other than all this, we are doing good, but there is this serious hate brewing inside of me that increases with every remark of his. What do I do?

[Boristheblade]

I am no expert, but this sounds like a relationship packed full of exhaustion and incompatibility. Hate brewing? That's not healthy for a relationship with ANYONE let alone a significant other. A serious talk with him about exactly how you feel, and what needs to change seems in order. If things don't change then your relationship clearly needs to end in my opinion...

[liz28]

I don't how your plan on spending the rest of your lifes together. He may have some anger issues and it could be because he is immature. I agree no one shouldn't have to hear your arguing and he should control his outbursts because this is childish. If you continue to stay with this guy your have some major issues to work on. Sadly, if the issues can't be worked out then it won't work. How old is he exactly?

[chuff]

The first thing you have to do is have a conversation when your not mad at on another. Then you tell him that you recognize he's going to drive you nuts and your going to drive him nuts at some point. That's life and that's a relationship. Then you set up some guidelines for how to and when to resolve a situation. Tell him that while you want a relationship you want a healthy one and that include healty disputes. If he can not participate in a healthy resolution to a problem then tell him what you told us, that you have hate brewing and if it continues you see no reason to continue suffering for what you understand are issues that need to be worked out (because you have to recognize they are issues, you can't say he is wrong or they don't mean anything) but you want the issues resolved with in the relationship and with respect between both parties.

[talaniman]

Sounds like living together was not a good idea.