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bystanderof4 · Sep 15, 2008, 12:14 PM

I am soon to be the step-mother of 4 handsome young men. Aging 10-15 all of them seem to be healthy mentally! My concern is that their mother insist on sleeping with the youngest and sometimes the next to youngest. She has also given the youngest a bath. He is 10 years old. I have been told that since the divorce she had been "very" close to the youngest. I myself am a survivor of abuse, so am I reading too much into this or should be doing something. If I should do something what could I possibly do that will not cause a huge problem for their father?

startover22 · Sep 19, 2008, 03:13 PM

No one has answered this, so here I go... only with my opinion. I think it is fine if they are close, even fine if she gives the youngest a bath. I don't see anything in your descriptions that can conclude in irrational behavior. It makes some uncomfortable to know that parents and children can be this close and not think anything of it. As for me, I am not uncomfortable with it at all. Do the kids mind if she does this? I do however find it a little odd that they still sleep with her... however, every once in a while my 11 year old daughter will climb in bed with me. I don't mind it, but I also know that my kids can sleep in their own bed with no problem at all. (this woman may just like the company) I think you should hold off on any reports, talk to your husband and tell him you have a few worries and doubts, see what he has to say about it. If the kids show they are uncomfortable, then maybe bring it to the attention of the mother, but other than that, it doesn't sound like anything "bad" is happening. Good luck and my best wishes to you!

jjwoodhull · Sep 19, 2008, 03:18 PM

The sleeping in the same bed does not seem much of an issue to me. However, bathing her 10 year old does not sound right. Have you discussed this with their father?

startover22 · Sep 19, 2008, 03:21 PM

I agree to some extent, but when my son was ten, he showed no signs of puberty and he was not uncomfortable with me seeing him or anything like that... a year later he started saying he wanted privacy, I gave it. I think once they ask for it, they should get it. In some house holds it is an "in and out" fight for the shower...

liz28 · Sep 23, 2008, 05:01 PM

What does the say about it and how does he feels about it?

redwee74 · Sep 23, 2008, 06:22 PM

Bystander I suggest you talk to your future husband and have him talk to his sons about the sleeping in the same bed and the youngest about the bath. If they are comfortable with it then I do not see a problem. If the children mention concern to the father then he should address it or have you do it legally. I think maybe you are overreacting because of the past. Good luck and I hope for the children that I am right.