[sniperblade9]

Well I guess ill start from the beginning when I was about 8 I moved from Utah to South Dakota which made me lose friends and I met my cousin and when I was 12 she moved away and she was the only person I could talk to and was my only friend... every once in a while I don't want to work at the job my mom is forcing me to do to pay for the house because I feel sick and if I don't do that or something else she wants me to do she usually yells at me and takes most of my room away and sometimes she whips me with a belt. That stopped one night when I grabbed the belt and took it and dropped it then I pushed her against the wall hard and she cried and ran up stairs. Soon the police came and her brothers and her brothers threatened to hurt me and the police arrested me... I stayed there 1 night but around a month later she kept telling me to do stuff and I was sick and I still was doing work and school and I got mad and I cussed at her and said that she should die. I was arrested again but this time I stayed for a month and I cried thinking what I wanted to say to people and ask for help but I know I would go there or to the emotional hospital. Before that my cousin threatened me with a knife to get out of the house and I don't even know why and I was arrested for a letter I wrote in english and the teacher gave it to the people downstairs and sent me to the emotional hospital for a week because of depression suicidal thoughts and homocidal thoughts. I lied about eveything just to get out of there... then I asked this girl out that I had a crush on for years and she said yes. The next day she dumped me and I cried and I cut myself around 5 times and it bled a lot. Her boyfriend spread the rumor about the cutting and she told the police that I was going to knife him but I didn't have anything and they searched me... every other girlfriend I've had before her and after her dumped me after 1 day except once this one said she loved me then I said that her friends didn't like me and I knew it and she didn't talk to me around them and she dumped me and lied. I've been tested for disorders but I lied on the tests and I can't tell any adult my feelings or ill go back to the hospital for a long time or juvy and if I tell someone my age I can't trust them and they will tell others and one might be a adult and I have no friends to talk to anyway... 2 of them told me I should die and go to hell and that I deserve to be abused. I think about cutting and I always cry. Right now I have a viral infection and no one cares about it and its worse than the flu and has no cure and the people didn't give me any meds and my mom is making me work and go to school and do chores and I have no one to ask help from and I can't stop crying... I want to cut and I don't know what to do...

[GothGirl1771]

"BIG HUG!" I really hope you feel better, what you've been through is awful. Don't listen to your friends telling you to die, you don't deserve anything you've gone through. They are not true friends, a true friend will stick with you no matter what. No one deserves to be abused. Ever!
The suicidal and homicidal thoughts are because of the abuse and pain. You probibly feel so mad right? That's nomal. You should see a couselor to deal with these feelings. Even talk to someone. See a doctor, whatever you know will help. I was in rehab for suicide attempts, severe cutting and homicidal thoughts. Soemtimes, talking can help, the doctor can put you on meds to help the imbalance too.
Try to stop cutting, it can become a horrific addiction. You might not feel strong right now, but going through what you did actually can make you stronger. You can stop cutting. Find another way to get rid of the ache. Start journaling... see a couselor, take a long run.
About the viral infection, see a doctor. Can you drive? Have someone take you to a walk in clinic. You really should get on meds. Your immune system is probibly strained from work and chores. You really need to rest. Take a few days off. Stay at someone's house or anything. To get out of all this, you need to go somewhere. Even to the hospital. You could stay over there and get the police to help you. If your that sick, you need rest.

You really should see someone. If you need to talk, I'm here! I hope this helped and you feel better!! :) Here, [email protected] you need to talk, I'm here:)

[IM4U]

sniperblade9,

GothGirl1771 has shown a real interest in your well-being. You describe yourself as being far from well-being right now.

I found a Bible verse that says God is faithful. It goes on to say that He will give us strength to bear what comes our way and to go through it. The same verse mentions that other people go through crises like our own.

The idea of "misery loves company" and the fact that you have "company" out there may not be very comforting right now.

I encourage you not to do anything crazy or anything that will make things worse. You might go to a church and talk with the pastor.

My "faith-based bias" may be coming though. I admit that I have it. Works for me.

Caring,

IM4U